Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests)

Poll: Is this a great story or what

A-W-E-S-O-M-E
14.29%
1
pretty good
28.57%
2
not baad
28.57%
2
man.................
28.57%
2
Total: 100% 7 vote(s)
CHAPTER 1
TO BE CONTINUED
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4 part 1
CHAPTER 4 part 2
dialogue goes like this,

"hey" Kigen says.
"Yo!" Hito replies.
and try to indent, which I shouldn't be talking.
can you comment my story
(Apr. 19, 2012  1:04 PM)maeyer2001 Wrote: can you comment my story

explain what you mean
comment how my story is so far.
wow...
nice story, full of immagination...
can i make the storyboard for this story??
(Apr. 21, 2012  3:57 AM)prastyo wibowo Wrote: wow...
nice story, full of immagination...
can i make the storyboard for this story??

^Uhm...it's not your story...but I guess it's his call. Anyways, I think you might want to focus on your word choice and spelling. I found a few spelling mistakes, and sometimes you forgot to pluralize words (EX: you said "bey" instead of "beys"). If you want me to take a more precise look, PM me.
(Apr. 21, 2012  3:57 AM)prastyo wibowo Wrote: wow...
nice story, full of immagination...
can i make the storyboard for this story??

Sure....
I updated the OP with the first part of Chapter 4

Please review. I'll make this thread alive as much as I could.
Updated OP with second part of Chapter 4, ENJOY!
There are a ton of grammatical mistakes in the story...
In chapter 2 you changed Cancer to Bull, and had a change from first person to third for some odd reason...
'did' Is not spelt 'dit'.
Tons of other mistakes...
Plus, your story needs a ton more description. It goes far too fast for my liking, and chapter length could be improved...
Make sure to use MS-Word to fix spelling mistakes...
That is all.
We're reaching the end of this story!!!!
Review my story please