World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - Printable Version

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+--- Thread: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) (/Thread-Beyblade-story-the-darkest-of-times-not-taking-character-requests)



Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 18, 2012

CHAPTER 1
TO BE CONTINUED
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4 part 1
CHAPTER 4 part 2



RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - Cookie Bouquets - Apr. 19, 2012

dialogue goes like this,

"hey" Kigen says.
"Yo!" Hito replies.
and try to indent, which I shouldn't be talking.


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 19, 2012

can you comment my story


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - Cookie Bouquets - Apr. 19, 2012

(Apr. 19, 2012  1:04 PM)maeyer2001 Wrote: can you comment my story

explain what you mean


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 20, 2012

comment how my story is so far.


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - Tionidas - Apr. 21, 2012

wow...
nice story, full of immagination...
can i make the storyboard for this story??


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - Sparta - Apr. 21, 2012

(Apr. 21, 2012  3:57 AM)prastyo wibowo Wrote: wow...
nice story, full of immagination...
can i make the storyboard for this story??

^Uhm...it's not your story...but I guess it's his call. Anyways, I think you might want to focus on your word choice and spelling. I found a few spelling mistakes, and sometimes you forgot to pluralize words (EX: you said "bey" instead of "beys"). If you want me to take a more precise look, PM me.


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 21, 2012

(Apr. 21, 2012  3:57 AM)prastyo wibowo Wrote: wow...
nice story, full of immagination...
can i make the storyboard for this story??

Sure....



RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 22, 2012

I updated the OP with the first part of Chapter 4

Please review. I'll make this thread alive as much as I could.


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 23, 2012

Updated OP with second part of Chapter 4, ENJOY!


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - XXaron - Apr. 23, 2012

There are a ton of grammatical mistakes in the story...
In chapter 2 you changed Cancer to Bull, and had a change from first person to third for some odd reason...
'did' Is not spelt 'dit'.
Tons of other mistakes...
Plus, your story needs a ton more description. It goes far too fast for my liking, and chapter length could be improved...
Make sure to use MS-Word to fix spelling mistakes...
That is all.


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 24, 2012

We're reaching the end of this story!!!!


RE: Beyblade story: the darkest of times(not taking character requests) - *Converse* - Apr. 25, 2012

Review my story please