World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Beyblade story. A thousand beys ago..

May. 23, 2011  7:31 AM
 
Ice Burn
The centaurs charge was irrefutably vicious with even the emperor’s legion failing to end their invasion. Most of the army retreated as there hordes became known in our minds, but some remained steady to the Emperor. The centaur’s next invasion plan was Death Hold an ancient fort that stood on a Lone hill for hundreds of years. If they successfully attacked it, our secret would fall to enemy hands. Only our most trusted messenger could bring you this message, so please come to our rescue.

It's a beyblade story.
Accepting character requests.
May. 23, 2011  8:28 AM
 
good story hope!
keep wirting it.
May. 23, 2011  10:28 AM
 
Any requests?
May. 23, 2011  12:04 PM
 
Good start. Can't judge the story itself yet.
May. 23, 2011  10:41 PM
 
Next chapter on today.
May. 24, 2011  1:12 AM
 
Name:Andrew Katragami (Male)
Age:12 1/2
Bey:Vulcan Gemios D125CS
Bey Description:Face:Black BG with red and blue spirit things
Clear Wheel: Red on half Blue on other half
Metal Wheel: Silver Vulcan Wheel
Spin Track: Black
Preformance Tip:All Black

Special Move: Twin Vulcan Smash
The Bey Moves at a lightning fast Speed and it then appers as two of the same bey. It then knocks the opposing bey high into the sky until Gemios catches it and drives it to the ground winnig the battle.

Character Description:Andrew is very passionate about beyblading and will never give up his dream of being the best blader. His bey was handed down to him from his father and will stop at nothing to protect his bey. Andrew is funny always willing to crack a witty pun when needed but he is very battle serious.
May. 24, 2011  9:16 AM
 
Chapter 1
Years ago an alliance was made between elves and men so they fought together not against each other. There alliance was strong but not strong enough when a hidden assailant ambushed there king Xavir Vustralu. The men had thought that the elves had one of their highly trained Culmatravs to kill him. The race of men soon went on a hunt killing every elf they saw. Thousands of elves died, but me ,my brother and family survived. We built a house underneath the fort and soon had ideas on how to get revenge. But now what we seek is in our grasp, we have invented something known as a beyblade and my bey to take on the men is Mercy Centaur EV135 SA
Not sure i'm going to continue as it's not very good.
May. 24, 2011  9:35 AM
 
name:Max horutaro
Age:15
Bey: wild vulpecula (fox constullation) ed145 hf
Beytype:attack
special move: wild rage
May. 24, 2011  9:36 AM
 
Is it good storm pegsusas5
May. 24, 2011  9:37 AM
 
yeah definatley and what does ev135 and sa mean
May. 24, 2011  9:55 AM
 
Evolution and Sudden Attack.
May. 24, 2011  11:22 AM
 
you know what,plan something out before you do a story. believe me,you'll get loads of stories and have what i want to call "writer's block"
May. 24, 2011  10:41 PM
 
Yeah i've planned this one.
So next chapter up today.
May. 25, 2011  12:15 AM
 
nice story dude
May. 25, 2011  12:18 AM
 
i like the story.cool...keep it up
May. 25, 2011  8:31 AM
 
Chapter up in 5 minutes.
May. 25, 2011  8:37 AM
 
great story..waiting for the next chapter
May. 25, 2011  8:40 AM
 
can't wait for it
May. 25, 2011  9:03 AM
 
Chapter 2
I silently sneaked into Feath Fortress with my brother quickly following. ’Oh great’’ I said to my brother, ‘’there’s two guards! ’I quickly yank out my bey and load it onto my launcher. ‘’3.2.1 Let it Rip!!’’ I whispered. The first guard screeched in agony as the bey mauled at his leg, my brother launched his bey Faith Sentry D80 MAS. The second guard soon fell to the cobble stones blood dripping from his leg. ’Yes!’’ I said, ’Time to continue’’.
Done!
May. 25, 2011  9:28 AM
 
good one....waiting for the next one now
May. 25, 2011  9:38 AM
 
I might start writing the next chapter now.
May. 25, 2011  9:41 AM
 
its really good
May. 25, 2011  12:21 PM
 
hey man, nice plotting and organizing the actions. i like it. mind if i comment on a few things?
well, your story has quite an interesting plot but during the conversation line, why don't you try to separate it from other line of conversation and the action that been going on, why don't you add a little bit of interesting detail to the action. for example,"the bey that've been launch from the launcher spins with tremendous power," and the type of power you want to add such as "it spin with with great power that i can see the incarnation of..."

this is just based on my opinion though, forgive me if i'm wrong.
i'm still try to improve in writing story writing to.
May. 25, 2011  10:48 PM
 
Ok I will try to.
May. 25, 2011  11:21 PM
 
(May. 25, 2011  10:48 PM)Hope Wrote: Ok I will try to.

yeah, keep it up man. i can't wait for your next chapter.
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