Beyblade VS Battle Strikers sneak peak

"Alister, what's happened to you?!", asks Reiji, shocked at his rival's new appearance.
"This is not Alister you're speaking to, foolish human, I am Hades!", replied the being standing before them. "Aw, crud! I think Al's been possessed by his own Beyblade!", groaned Jackie as she readied her Dark Pisces DF145JB."I don't like where this is going!", said Zane as he prepares to launch Dragonfire. Milly is taking it the worst, as she starts whimpering with tears streaming down her face, knowing that Alister has become a psychotic monster bent on practically trashing everything. Reiji sees this and reassures her, "Don't cry, Milly, it will be alright. At this moment, we'll have to fight Hades if we're to get Al back!". Milly then wipes her tears away and prepares her Stamina-type for battle, with Reiji doing the same with his Beyblade.

tell me what you think!
Wouldn't this go in your old thread? Or is it a different story altogether?
Also, Hades as an evil being taking possession of others. Very original.

Here's a good one: Make a big reveal where it turns out that Satan might be a douche!
oh, ha-ha, very funny.
Actually, it WAS funny. It's not TOO bad, it's better that 90% of the crud on this forum anyway.
beyblade > battle strikers
very good. im glad i helped with the plan
...Okay, maybe I'm being a jerk again, but... NOBODY CARES WHETHER YOU DON'T LIKE BS! Geez, yeah, I played Beyblade since I was four. Yup, I also want a Battle Striker. Thay just seem FUN. Geez, what's up with those kind of posts?
a few things. 1. unorriginal idea, you can use it but it will be harder to work with. 2. too many used plots that don't fit together. 3. too many missing parts inbetween the story. 4. read the writers handbook, i would give a link but i can't copy and paste with the 3ds. it has potential but it needs more. also, make sure all things related to this story are on one topic, or you will be warned by a mod.
3DS can be used to surf the internet?
Anyway, agreed with you, this story needs lots of improvement.
(Jul. 26, 2011  1:45 AM)Dude Wrote: Also, Hades as an evil being taking possession of others. Very original.

Here's a good one: Make a big reveal where it turns out that Satan might be a douche!

Oh, Alister is REALLY posesed! I thought he was so dumb he forgot he was human and was a Beyblade! Silly me...
That's alright.
(Jul. 26, 2011  4:27 PM)T. L-Drago 9207 Wrote: That's alright.

Anyway, I read the full version, I think it's great! Battle Strikers haven't appeared yet,
their probably coming in chapter 2. By the way, are you doing character requests?
I'll be happy to do character requests. I'll set up a place where you can put in character requests.
(Aug. 04, 2011  2:05 AM)T. L-Drago 9207 Wrote: I'll be happy to do character requests. I'll set up a place where you can put in character requests.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Character requests are a bad idea. You just get flooded with them. aking character requests means you aren't competent enough to make your own characters. If someone really wats to have a character in your story, they could PM you. All in all, it's a bad idea. No offense.
(Aug. 04, 2011  2:05 AM)T. L-Drago 9207 Wrote: I'll be happy to do character requests. I'll set up a place where you can put in character requests.
NO!

That is the biggest mistake you can make. Make your own characters, or don't make a story.

Please, this is for your own good.
I have every right to accept character requests, so leave me alone about them, please!


Edit: Raigeki13 had my character request moved
They are just trying to help you. They are both experienced writers and know what they are talking about. Character requests are enough to just about ruin a potentially good story, and it would be better if you made your own. They are just trying to make sure that your story doesn't go down a bad path in the future.
Oh no, it's happening again!

The thing where people try to help me with something (albeit bluntly) and I overreact to it!

EDIT: I got it! Maybe I'll ask you people for ideas for my story! Instead of character requests, just to get the respect of those professionals who don't accept them!
Yes, that's what I was trying to do. Character request just kill a story, because the majority of the time the requester can't give a good enough description, and without that, the story writer makes a bad character. And for character requests if you DO in fact do them, use this thread for them for this story. I only reported it because you could've used this thread for that. :\
(Aug. 04, 2011  2:22 AM)T. L-Drago 9207 Wrote: Oh no, it's happening again!

The thing where they try to help me in a blunt manner and I overreact to it!

Aha, have no fear. Sorry if I sounded mean, just trying to save your story.

But honestly, the story isn't that great. Not overloaded with dialogue, but too choppy and cliche.
You know what they say, "Everyone's a critic"

Even professional writers!
im not sure if spartas pro... he's just very good at it! Wink
I think he's a professional