[Beyblade Story] Peacefully to Assemble [PG][+1000 views!]

Poll: How well has this one added onto my others?

Superbly!!!
60.87%
14
Good!
4.35%
1
Ok.
8.70%
2
Bad!
0%
0
JEEZ, YOU STINK!!!
26.09%
6
Total: 100% 23 vote(s)
Gah, I feel the exact same way China Bladeâ„¢ does! That was too adorable! Aww, poor Bri. Are the rest of Peacefully to Assemble gonna pick on them? Pinching_eyes

*cough*I can't believe Kai-V said yes. Well, I guess she always surprises us!*cough*
Well, after a much more emotional reaction to chapter 15 than I thought, onto Chapter 16!

Okay, that ending got my heart racing. Oh dear. This is scary. I'm gonna pass out now. *passes out*
(Sep. 18, 2012  3:57 PM)Duck of Hades Wrote: Okay, that ending got my heart racing. Oh dear. This is scary. I'm gonna pass out now. *passes out*

No, don't pass out. The views are disappearing right before my eyes!!!

Anyways, Chapter 17!!

Yeah!!! Grin Go Cloud!!! That. was. an. epic. battle!

Aww... since when does Miles get scared like that?
(Sep. 19, 2012  7:22 PM)Duck of Hades Wrote: since when does Miles get scared like that?

I stated it in the story, but here's why:

--During his world championship finals match against R-Dev, Miles fought during a storm with lighting and wind, which (and i did not mention this) frightened him. He's been scared of storms ever since, kind of like that one fear we all have. I kinda forgot to mention that earlier in the beginning because I was focused on introducing the new plot of the story...--
(Sep. 19, 2012  10:17 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote:
(Sep. 19, 2012  7:22 PM)Duck of Hades Wrote: since when does Miles get scared like that?

I stated it in the story, but here's why:

--During his world championship finals match against R-Dev, Miles fought during a storm with lighting and wind, which (and i did not mention this) frightened him. He's been scared of storms ever since, kind of like that one fear we all have. I kinda forgot to mention that earlier in the beginning because I was focused on introducing the new plot of the story...--

Ah, I see. Thank you! Smile
After reading Bri and Miles breaking out of the romance and Yaoi,Yaoi and MOAR YAOI I.... got really upset....
Here's Chapter 18!!

Great chapter! I've been waiting to see Draco and Corona battle! Grin Keep it up!

NenMrix - Please don't complain here. Thank you.
(Sep. 20, 2012  10:04 PM)Duck of Hades Wrote: Great chapter! I've been waiting to see Draco and Corona battle! Grin Keep it up!

NenMrix - Please don't complain here. Thank you.
FYI: I wasn't complaining. I was saying my thoughts.Besides, I wasn't NEGATIVELY CRITICIZING his work. If I wanted to complain, I would have stopped reading. Can't you people not start a misunderstanding for once?


Here's Chapter 19!!

Chapter 20!!

Dose guns.... Must not go into gun lover mode...
And...
Dat ending...
o.o" Whoa.
I am sure he can write more and actually sell this as a book like with pictures. Maybe he can earn some money Wink anyways, good job. I love your story.
(Sep. 23, 2012  6:30 PM)ChinaBladeâ„¢ Wrote: Dose guns.... Must not go into gun lover mode...
And...
Dat ending...
o.o" Whoa.

I'm not. It's fine in moderation, like high fructose corn syrup!!! XD
(Sep. 23, 2012  6:46 PM)Aurora.Light Wrote: I am sure he can write more and actually sell this as a book like with pictures. Maybe he can earn some money Wink anyways, good job. I love your story.

I probably would. I like your feedback... Smile
Sorry for double post, but here's chapter 21!!!

Aw.
Atleast Bryan's okay.
I thought he was dead there for a second. XD
WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO

Great chapter!
Chapter 22!!!

Sorry for the double-post, but I got Chapter 23!!!

You have quite the number of Capitalization errors, as well as some grammatical. Well, the plot is interesting, somewhat, but way too fast. Develop the characters more. You overuse the dialogue, it looks rather long but is short. You should also describe the characters more. Get into detail for the battles. About the romance, I'm confused who's the guy and who's the girl, I'm seriously confused. Seriously. KIU nonethless.
Hm, some legit help. Thanks, Kujikato!!

Anyways, here's Chapter 24!!


I also have a special ending after the Epilogue coming soon!! Look out for it after the final chapter!!!
Cool, so wait, Miles is the girl right? Argh I'm confused! Good chapter nonetheless, KiU again!