World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Beyblade:Revelations

Poll: Dont like it, like it, love it, or gotta read it?

Boring
27.27%
3
Meh its ok I guess
36.36%
4
Cool
9.09%
1
AWESOME READ IT EVERYDAY
27.27%
3
Total: 100% 11 vote(s)
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Oct. 28, 2011  4:31 AM
 
(Oct. 28, 2011  4:02 AM)Rainbow Dash Wrote: I try to slow it down but im just fast :p. dei Hilarious and love the idea XD (should he also get taller?)

P.S I hate extremely slow storys. sorry : 3

Slow is better, trust me, if everything was so fast, who would want to read? a steady pace gets you places, a short burst of speed will get you one place then done, steady is the best way to be ready. (sorry for the pun)
Oct. 28, 2011  4:49 AM
 
The three strings ripped out of the launchers at the same time.The beys started rotating slow at first, then fast untill the beys shot out flames and started the usual clockwise spins untill they met in the center.The two beys were getting dominated. Huge pieces of metal were falling around the bowl. Just as our hope drifted away we saw our wobbling beys grow red. They started to straighten up their spin and seemed to get heavier almost. Alex's started to get even more agressive and s the blader started his immense attack with its increasing speed the attack got smashed in between our new beys and there was just our 2 beys spinning in dust causing a cloud. We had won and stared at these new powerhouses.

(Is this any better?)
Oct. 28, 2011  4:57 AM
 
no, same, still too rushed.
Oct. 28, 2011  5:09 AM
 
The beys were named after we got them. I noticed Alex's had cut his hand and there was blood dripping down. I called mine Bedrock Clockwork 200TS. Alex named his bey Chaos Slicer 45R^2XF.The seven had dissapeared in the time that we stared at our beys. We just continued walking and fought with one another and started in time to learn more about our beys. We saw somewhere that a bey tournament was being held. So far 6 people named "John Doe" Were signed up. We both knew that the six were attending



I rush it because you don't want to read only boring stuff. But I know I should slow it, the last piece was my slowest Tongue_out
Oct. 28, 2011  6:14 AM
 
We just stared at each other wondering if we should stop them? But we were scared if they would destroy our beys again. We decided to go. On the walk downtown we stoped here and there for a metal face or a snack. By the time we were there we stopped by Alex's grandpa's shop for a tripple beef burger. The line for the free for all tournament was giant. We launched our beys in and the stadium was cleared in moments.
Oct. 28, 2011  6:37 AM
 
Try to add more description and less plot. Smile slow down, but good idea (BTW I just noticed you spelt Revelations wrong)
Oct. 28, 2011  6:39 AM
 
thanks Tongue_out
Oct. 29, 2011  12:15 PM
 
its revelations, not relevations Tongue_out
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