Beyblade: Metal Sting

Poll: What's one word you would use to describe my story?

Great!
33.33%
3
Good.
11.11%
1
Okay.
55.56%
5
Bad.
0%
0
Awful!
0%
0
Total: 100% 9 vote(s)
Chapter 1
Use spoilers, first off, haha.
Pretty good story, only a few grammar mistakes.
However, there are a few things that I'd like to point out:
-At first, the main characters bey is described as horrible, then later as "the best from the Japanese set."
-You don't really explain how the main character knows the name of this random beyblade he conveniently found.
-Where the heck did he get all that repair stuff!?
Overall, it's pretty good, just a few things to think about.
There's a spelling mistake, "Spray Paint" I do kind of like it, but it oukd be tweaked some, but overall its kinda good.
(Jul. 15, 2013  4:43 AM)Ultramarine Wrote: Use spoilers, first off, haha.
Pretty good story, only a few grammar mistakes.
However, there are a few things that I'd like to point out:
-At first, the main characters bey is described as horrible, then later as "the best from the Japanese set."
-You don't really explain how the main character knows the name of this random beyblade he conveniently found.
-Where the heck did he get all that repair stuff!?
Overall, it's pretty good, just a few things to think about.

a: best of the japanese set, but none the less: A bad bey
b: he had all this stuff. unexplicably, I know, but soon enough, things will make sense.
Overall it's okay, but seeing that Ultramarine had trouble understanding, I'd say to clarify some of this stuff. Some readers might not know what you say when you say "best of the Japanese Set". Also, as Ultramarine said, Spoilers, Spoilers, Spoilers.

I like its neatness. Kinda similar to how I wrote/write.
Im taking character requests, by the way. Also, thanks for the suggestions. Chapter 2 is coming after my vacation. I have to go to florida from wednesday to august 7th.
Chapter 2
Content has improved quite a bit. Another thing you should do as well; Take the chapters, put them in the first post (OP), put each chapter i a spoiler, and keep it like that, so nobody's scrolling through pages looking for a certain chapter.
(Jul. 27, 2013  9:14 AM)KingCepheusIII Wrote: I found out theres internet connection in Florida, so that's cool.

Character requests, please.

how about "The Masked Dragon"
Come on, guys. This is getting kinda despicable IMO, cause the chapter's aren't organized in the OP, everything's disjointed, no descriptions are being given for the character requests. I'm getting kinda lost through all of this, and it's making me not wanna read anymore.
(Jul. 28, 2013  1:51 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: Come on, guys. This is getting kinda despicable IMO, cause the chapter's aren't organized in the OP, everything's disjointed, no descriptions are being given for the character requests. I'm getting kinda lost through all of this, and it's making me not wanna read anymore.

i dont know how do this stuff

Chapter 3 is up, in the first post
sorry guys
i didnt have computer access for a while

Chapter 3
[/spoiler]
Seriously. This has been said enough times. Put your chapters in the first post!
You really shouldn't be rude like that.
Especially since its not required, just suggested.
Don't get so worked up.
I wasn't being rud I was merely trying to help. All the mis types an punctuation is from my phone.
Saying "seriously" and using exclamation points comes off as if you're yelling or being forceful.