Beyblade: Metal Sting - KingCepheusIII - Jul. 15, 2013
Chapter 1
I used to write two stories called Metal Kings and Metal, I don't know. It had a Bey called Fenrir. Hope you like this new era, in a completely different world.
Chapter 1: A Blader's Defeat
I watched the two bladers pull the ripcords and release their blades. "Let it rip!" The shattering cry of the Beys whipped all across the stadium. "Amazing, folks! Ginka and Damian's Beys are already at it!" The TV fell out of focus when I heard a voice in the distance. It was my mother. "Kibo! Get outside and do something." I sighed. "Fine mom." I was a terrible blader. But my dream was to make it to the finals one day and make something of myself in the world.
It was a sunny day outside. Not too cloudy, but definitely too bright. I looked at my Bey. It was a basic Earth Eagle with a WBBA symbol on the front. It was pathetic and not very strong.
"Hey kid, hand it over!" yelled a kid in an overcoat and long bluish hair to a smaller kid. He had to be the same age as me. His hair was straight and navy blue, with yellow tips. The smaller kid quivered with fear. "No!" he responded. The overcoat kid gripped him by the collar. "Listen, if you don't hand it over, you'll be sorry!" He dropped a small model of Flame Libra with a WBBA symbol.
It was my time to be brave. Something had to be done. "Hey you!" I yelled at the jerk, with the smaller kid in his grasp. "I'll settle this with a Beyblade battle!" I showed him one of my Earth Eagle. It was the strongest model available from the Japanese team. "If you insist." He pulled out a Bey with a beautiful grey and orange energy ring that was clear. It looked like a five overlapping flames in a pentagon shape. His face bolt depicted a crude 3-spiked flame. The fusion wheel was Flame. His spin track was Gravity Ball 145. And his performance tip was Metal Spike. It was an amazing Stamina combo. straight to the point. "Let me introduce your Bey to it's demise. Flame Fornax!"
My confidence was undeterred. There was no way I was going to let something like this stand in my way. I was a tough blader. We stood at the edge of the stadium. "Let it rip!" His Bey moved with a perfect balance. My Bey stood still in the stadium's center. his slowly moved around my. It made a slow loop around Eagle. The blue haired kid smiled. Eagle moved towards Fornax until he tapped Fornax out of the way. The kid's grin grew wider. "Once my Bey makes a ring around the stadium, he can activate his special move." A ring of fire formed around the stadium. "Once you've made contact, you can't leave the ring." Fornax spun faster. He flew into the air and turned into a brown raptor skeleton with lava in between the cracks. "Special move! Furnace Grind!" His Bey's performance tip hit the top of my Bey. It grinded down Eagle until he slammed further into the ground, stopping. It was over.
I couldn't believe I'd lost. I had been practicing all summer. "Hand it," he said. I dropped Eagle. He forced his black leather boot down onto the mangled Eagle, parts scattering everywhere. His goons giggled along with him. He started to walk in the direction of the setting sun. "By the way, if you'll ever beat me, my name is Moyasu." Black strands of hair whipped in my face. I couldn't believe my defeat. And I knew that even if it wasn't in a Bey battle, I was going to make that kid learn a lesson.
On the walk home, I passed by the Bey shop. I had always wanted to go there and design my own, new Bey. Moyasu was in there. He turned to me and grinned an evil grin. I decided to take the long way home. On my way, I had caught a glimpse of a yellow glow. A bey with a yellow energy ring with a honeycomb pattern. It had a black Storm fusion wheel. The face bolt showed a wasp. Its spin track was 100 and it had a Flat tip. It was a good attacker, from the looks of it, but it needed a lot of work, damage wise and part wise. When I grabbed it, I heard a whisper. "Vespa." It was subtle, but creepy. I grabbed it and ran back home.
As the sun set, I ran downstairs to my basement to work on the Bey. I started to take it apart. The Storm fusion wheel was chipped away. I picked up some solder and a soldering iron. I melted it in in to place for the five small cracks in it. I threw out the tip and spin track. i quickly pulled out a Wide Flat and 90 spin track pray painted the mismatched colors gold and black. I spray painted the fusion wheel's cracks black. Lastly, I cleaned it off with some soap and water. It was shining and new. I looked at the time. 12:00 AM. I quickly fell asleep on my desk.
I woke up with a start. 7:52 AM. Today was the day was going to teach that punk a lesson. I changed my shirt and ran out the door. Moyasu was torturing another kid. The kid dropped a small bey and ran away. Moyasu chuckled a little and then it grew into a laugh. "Hey Punk!" He looked over at me in response. "I challenge you to a rematch."
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - Dual - Jul. 15, 2013
Use spoilers, first off, haha.
Pretty good story, only a few grammar mistakes.
However, there are a few things that I'd like to point out:
-At first, the main characters bey is described as horrible, then later as "the best from the Japanese set."
-You don't really explain how the main character knows the name of this random beyblade he conveniently found.
-Where the heck did he get all that repair stuff!?
Overall, it's pretty good, just a few things to think about.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - 6 God - Jul. 15, 2013
There's a spelling mistake, "Spray Paint" I do kind of like it, but it oukd be tweaked some, but overall its kinda good.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - KingCepheusIII - Jul. 15, 2013
(Jul. 15, 2013 4:43 AM)Ultramarine Wrote: Use spoilers, first off, haha.
Pretty good story, only a few grammar mistakes.
However, there are a few things that I'd like to point out:
-At first, the main characters bey is described as horrible, then later as "the best from the Japanese set."
-You don't really explain how the main character knows the name of this random beyblade he conveniently found.
-Where the heck did he get all that repair stuff!?
Overall, it's pretty good, just a few things to think about.
a: best of the japanese set, but none the less: A bad bey
b: he had all this stuff. unexplicably, I know, but soon enough, things will make sense.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - DefStamina88 - Jul. 20, 2013
Overall it's okay, but seeing that Ultramarine had trouble understanding, I'd say to clarify some of this stuff. Some readers might not know what you say when you say "best of the Japanese Set". Also, as Ultramarine said, Spoilers, Spoilers, Spoilers.
I like its neatness. Kinda similar to how I wrote/write.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - KingCepheusIII - Jul. 22, 2013
Im taking character requests, by the way. Also, thanks for the suggestions. Chapter 2 is coming after my vacation. I have to go to florida from wednesday to august 7th.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - KingCepheusIII - Jul. 27, 2013
Chapter 2
I found out theres internet connection in Florida, so that's cool.
Character requests, please.
Chapter 2: The Blazing Battle
Moyasu extended his Bey outward. the glint off of the Energy Ring complimented Fornax's design. "You think you can take the heat?" he responded. Moyasu was a tough opponent. But he wouldn't win this time. I studied Fornax all night. He had some decent defense, but not enough stop my Bey from delivering some powerful blows. I could take the heat and more. "I can."
We lined ourselves at the edge of the crude concrete stadium. The exterior was sleek. Perfect for an attack type, like myself. Moyasu's mouth grew into a slight smile. "3, 2, 1! Let it rip!" beys flew from the stringed ripcords. Nothing was happening yet, but I knew I was going to have to stay prepared. He was a crafty opponent.
The start of the battle was slow. Fornax stayed in the center while Vespa circled him with incredible speed. "Vespa, attack now!" Vespa swept dramatically inward, clashing at Fornax. Moyasu looked over at Fornax and Vespa with a smile. "Fornax, now." Fornax took one more before he actually moved. He bounced back at Vespa with such force. A counter attack. But with a Metal Spike? No way.
"You like my edits?" He asked with glee. "I picked up the one piece that was left of the pathetic Bey from before. The performance tip!" I looked closer at the performance tip. Wide Defense. This would keep up stamina and defenses. He started to make a slow circe around my Bey. I knew what that meant. But I would'nt let it happen again."Move Vespa!" No response or movement. But it was too late. The move was ready.
I didn't know what I was gonna do now. Maybe I could try commands again. "Vespa, try to avoid Fornax." Unresponsive. All of a sudden, Vespa jerked to the side and hit Fornax into the air. A ring of red fire formed around the stadium. "Fornax! Special move! Furnace Grind!" He was locked onto Vespa. I thought there was no way I could win. But a miracle saved me.
"Vespa, get your damn obedience and listen to me!" I yelled. Vespa started to glow yellow. Everything in my eyes turned to a yellowish color. My voice was doubled over of a small child and a grown man. "Vespa. Special move. Hex Stinger." Vespa became covered in spikes. He started to rapidly spin around and look for a target. Fornax hit as a burning raptor skeleton. Vespa's spikes slowed down the Bey and stopped the attack with success. Fornax stopped spinning and landed to the side. Vespa flew back intomy hand. I quickly realized afterward that I was falling. I passed out randomly.
Meanwhile, two cities away.....
A kid with dark green helmet hair sat in the middle of the burning city. His hooded cloak blew in the wind. "Bring him to me." he said as he held an elderly man by the collar of his polo shirt. "I don't know what your talking about! Please let me go." The green haired kid grew an unnaturally wide grin. His hand passed over the man and he passed. A screech shattered through the city. "Bring him to me!" the kid yelled, with his bey, Earth Testudo, already attached to the ripcord.
To be continued.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - DefStamina88 - Jul. 27, 2013
Content has improved quite a bit. Another thing you should do as well; Take the chapters, put them in the first post (OP), put each chapter i a spoiler, and keep it like that, so nobody's scrolling through pages looking for a certain chapter.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - eaglenemesis - Jul. 28, 2013
(Jul. 27, 2013 9:14 AM)KingCepheusIII Wrote: I found out theres internet connection in Florida, so that's cool.
Character requests, please.
how about "The Masked Dragon"
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - DefStamina88 - Jul. 28, 2013
Come on, guys. This is getting kinda despicable IMO, cause the chapter's aren't organized in the OP, everything's disjointed, no descriptions are being given for the character requests. I'm getting kinda lost through all of this, and it's making me not wanna read anymore.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - KingCepheusIII - Jul. 29, 2013
(Jul. 28, 2013 1:51 PM)DefStamina88 Wrote: Come on, guys. This is getting kinda despicable IMO, cause the chapter's aren't organized in the OP, everything's disjointed, no descriptions are being given for the character requests. I'm getting kinda lost through all of this, and it's making me not wanna read anymore.
i dont know how do this stuff
Chapter 3 is up, in the first post
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - KingCepheusIII - Aug. 31, 2013
sorry guys
i didnt have computer access for a while
Chapter 3
I'm asking for character requests, guys. Please, give me more.
Chapter 3: Tortoise of the West
Two Cities, to the west of the current setting.
The city burned around my feet. This was a useless attempt. I wasn't gonna find the Vespa blader doddling around in some useless city. I needed to take action, and fast. My bey needed to taste the defeat of some new opponents.
The cities remains were barely in tact after I had gotten done with it. I was pretty impressed with my work. My symphony of destruction ran through the city, the screams of the defeated ringing like violins to my orchestrating. A grin grew wide across my face. My list of opponents was growing shorter. And after I defeat one of the forgotten beys, my power will grow stronger.
A being ran toward me. As he grew closer, I made out the shape of a kid with long strands of red and black hair. He wore a leather jacket and loose jeans. "Hey you!" he yelled. "You're abusing the power of the forgotten beyblade, Testudo!" I snickered at his pathetic thoughts. "You can't tell me how to use the power that was gifted to me. You are nothing." The kid's demeanor grew more hatred. "I've been in every city you've destroyed. Your trail of destruction ends in this spot!" He pulled out a black bey. "Let it rip!"
This kid was determined, but stupid. I pulled Testudo from my hand. "Let it rip." Testudo lied in the middle of the street, completely stationary. I identified his bey immediately. It was Dark in type. The Spin Track was T125 and the Performance Tip was Rubber Flat. I couldn't tell what the Energy Ring was, but it was a black winged pattern with four horizontal slahes.
"Rise, Cuervo!" A large black bird rose from the bey. He went in for a straight attack. The bey circled around Testudo. Barely a scratch. Cuervo rapidly attacked, like a flash of black lightning. Testudo stayed still in the middle of the stadium. This was a weak attack type, made of mediocre parts. One final clash hit Testudo. "Now, Testudo." A giant green tortoise arose from my defense type. "Special move. Shell Shield." My bey grew a large green shield sphere around him. It started pulsing. As Cuervo came in for his final attack, A giant pulse went off. Cuervo came in much faster and bounced off the shield and stopped spinning.
After the battle, the black haired kid fainted. I gained another victory. As I went to pick up my bey, Testudo gave off a green pulse. It felt like warm blood throught my veins. Electricity through my brain. Power through my body. I was unstoppable now.
To be continued. [/spoiler]
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 01, 2013
Seriously. This has been said enough times. Put your chapters in the first post!
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - Dual - Sep. 01, 2013
You really shouldn't be rude like that.
Especially since its not required, just suggested.
Don't get so worked up.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - LimiTTrickster - Sep. 01, 2013
I wasn't being rud I was merely trying to help. All the mis types an punctuation is from my phone.
RE: Beyblade: Metal Sting - Dual - Sep. 01, 2013
Saying "seriously" and using exclamation points comes off as if you're yelling or being forceful.
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