BeyStory: The Era Beast CH5 Up!

Poll: Do you enjoy the storyline so far?

Yes
75.00%
12
I can't say.
25.00%
4
No
0%
0
Total: 100% 16 vote(s)
Chapter 1: BeyBeast
Chapter 2: The Golden Dragon!
Chapter 3: The Ultimate Battle!
Chapter 4: The Axe & the Lance!
Chapter 5: The New Quest(ions)?

Good but its kinda sounds like ur mixing both plastic and mfb together.
Are u ?
(Jul. 21, 2011  3:21 AM)Goldenpegasus64 Wrote: Good but its kinda sounds like ur mixing both plastic and mfb together.
Are u ?

No, you just have to wait and see what's going on.
Ok. Cant wait.
Anyone see this? I really want peoples' opinion on it to see weather I should continue writing.
How old is your main character? If he is younger than 16, he shouldn't be muscular.

Also, you need to work on expanding your vocabulary and transitioning. Your sentences feel as though there is nothing that links them to the previous ones. Building on that, your tenses are off.

Taiwo Seigi Wrote:I was in a field
Here you use past tense
Taiwo Seigi Wrote:Then they all start to dull. I look around to see what was going on.
And here you jump to present tense. You have to be mindful of what is past, present, and future.

You can tell that you actually put more effort into this than most writers here. I would expand the dream a little bit. You should go into description of the stranger and his overall presence. Remember to use all five senses when describing something, not just sight.
Eh, nice story so far, but the tense thing COULD be cleaned up a bit.
are you taking OC requests?
No, please NO. Taiwo Seigi, do NOT accept character requests. Just say freakin' NO. It takes away from the story in my opinion. Not a good look.
Hey, I was only asking a question, Temporal!
That killed my other story, and most stories so no.
Thanks a lot Dei! I need to remeber that and clean it up. Btw, there is a muscular 10 year old. I no lie.
It's not common. You don't want to draw any unnecessary attributes to a character if you don't have to.
I understand, it's just based on what I would like to look like. He's 15 by the way.
I would go with toned, not muscular. Muscular gives the reader a picture of his being "ripped". If he skateboards, he's more apt to be toned than bulky.
you should have made the dream into nealy a whole chapter
you should have made the dream into nealy a whole chapter
Not really. The dream is probably a prelude into the whole idea. Sometimes, it's best to start in the middle of something, not the beginning. Hooks readers better in some occasions.
nice story but i think if you made the beys yourself it would be easier for you. just saying if you made a new tip you could make up everything. it also shows your creativity which you seem to have a lot of. also why is the dream in speech marks. dont use too much speech describe the beys and area's more. this will add to the short length.
otherwise good story
true a dream in a whole chapter??? well i would get bored...
Made up beyys are really hard to describe, that's why I don't usually like to do them. But yhat wll come up near the end.
The dream isn't to describe the bey, it's to describe spmething else. And I only say something else because I don't want to ruin the story.
(Jul. 28, 2011  12:51 PM)Taiwo Seigi Wrote: Made up beyys are really hard to describe, that's why I don't usually like to do them. But yhat wll come up near the end.
The dream isn't to describe the bey, it's to describe spmething else. And I only say something else because I don't want to ruin the story.

WHAT. you make it up. you can describe what you want. whatever. i dont really mind
Updated!
Nice! I like the way this is going, but you should try to lengthen your chapters! B-B-B-Bull!!!
Oh my God this is awesome!!!!
(Jul. 21, 2011  6:24 PM)Taiwo Seigi Wrote: Anyone see this? I really want peoples' opinion on it to see weather I should continue writing.
You defiantly should keep writing I LOVE your story!

It was just really hard to make up some of the stuff for the story, so for the most part, the chapters are going to be short. But, by the end, there should be about 30 chapters.