Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP

Poll: What y'all think?

Great! Should continue.
It's OK. Not the best.
Needs lots of work.
Not good at all.
Total: 100% 14 vote(s)
My first BEYBLADE story on the WBO.
Chapter 1: The tournament
Chapter 2: Capricorn vs. Cathpalug
Chapter 3: Questions.
Chapter 4: The evil bey?
Chapter 5: The improved Kitsune!

Namine, that has nothing to do with the topic Tired
Your chapters should be a bit longer, and of course you need to hide the little periods starting a paragraph by making them the white-colored font.
And you have a few grammar mistakes (Then I realize why he is like this, I look at Dainou's bey, He has a ZeroG system bey. Ninja Cathpalug.... you need to either end the sentance after the comma, or add a coor/subordinating conjunction to it to make it flow better... conjunction is my suggestion). I'll fix that sentance for you.
Then I realize why he is like this, and I look at Dainou's bey. He has a ZeroG system bey, which shone brightly in my eyes, it's name becoming apparent in my mind: Ninja Cathpalug...
That is all.
Thank you XXaron for the help, I corrected the errors that you asked me to fix.

I hope my skills as a writer do improve. I am going to continue on this story. Please help me, anybody.
(execpt for Namine456)
Nice job! You got the quotation formatting correct! Try to give your characters real character, and keep the plot exciting and interesting for everyone! Keep up the good writing! Tongue_out_wink
fix some of the dialogue like

"Hey Allen, your just in time for the rounds to be picked". says my best friend, Jason.
" Shut up, they're choosing"! I say.
I watch the pictures of all the students flip around the screen, when finally it stops.
"First round! Jason Emanus versus, Dainou Kaison"! says the ref.

should be

"Hey Allen, your just in time for the rounds to be picked," says my best friend, Jason.
" Shut up, they're choosing!"I exclaim.
I watch the pictures of all the students flip around the screen, when finally it stops.
"First round! Jason Emanus versus, Dainou Kaison!" yells the ref.

Chapter 2 is up in the OP, tell me what you guys think. Should I continue?
Chapter 3 is also up in the OP. Please tell me what you think.
I think you should continue.

P.S. For some reaso because of research and labs I'm getting a Pokémon feel. lol

Still, very good story.
Thank you very much Néar, I am definitely going to continue. I am getting hooked onto it.

...Maybe it is a PokemonXBeyblade Cross Epoch Chocked_2 . JK!
Chapter 4 is in the OP.

Thank you XXaron ans Shirayuki for helping me with some grammar mistakes.
Thank you to everybody who reads as well.

Here is something I put in the story because of something Néar posted a couple posts earlier.

"Dainou's father's lab is a large room with random dials and monitors all over the walls, I feel like I am playing a Pokemon game."
Wow, great story.
I'm back lol. the white font didn't blend (try grey I think) and change stircase to staircase Wink
Thansk guys, I will post chapter 5 now that i got some feedback! I will attempt to finish it today!

Here are some character profiles...
Allen Roem
race: Caucasion
Hair: Brown, Likes to flip over hair.
height: 5' 6"
weight: 125 lbs
Wardrobe: T-Shirt, Basketball Shorts, Flat-bill hat, Basketball Shoes.
bio:Loves Foxs'.(Kitsune is a fox), Loves the sport of beyblade.

race: caucasian
hair: Brown, curly.
height: 5' 3"
weight: 120 lbs
wardrobe: T-Shirt, Sweatshirt, jeans, Basketball Shoes.
bio: Loves to win beyblade matches as much as he loves his bey.

race:African American
hair: Black, Curly.
height:5' 11"
weight: 185 lbs
wardrobe: T-Shirt, Long white lab coat, Sweatpants, Sandals
bio: The strong blader with a Zero G bey.

hair: Blonde, Ponytail.
height: 5' 4"(haha taller than Jason!)
weight:105 lbs(she thinks she is fat)
wardrobe: T-Shirt, Basketball Shorts, Flat-bill hat, Shoes(Allen and her are very alike)
bio: She gets over-emotional when losing a beyblade match.
What is the track and tip of kitsune?
(May. 27, 2012  9:07 PM)Hobbybey Wrote: What is the track and tip of kitsune?

I did not think it mattered since he did not even battle with Kitsune yet in the story.

I can say though when Allen gets Kitsune back as a Zero G bey it will be called Shogun Kitsune MR145MF. MR stands for metal roller.

Sorry for Double post but...........

Chapter 5 is in the OP!

I need some help though! There are 12 Legend Bladers, 3 have been introduced in the story so far.
I need help naming some of the legend bladers, an the names of the beys as well!

Tell me what you think of Chapter 5 though!
Chapter 5 was awesome. Well done!!!

Thanks Hobbybey! Chapter 6 will be in the making after I get some more criticism.
Sorry for double post.....

Here are more character profiles.
race: Caucasion
Hair: Blonde, Shaggy
height: 5' 10"
weight: 165 lbs
Wardrobe: SweatShirt, Basketball Short, Sneakers.
bio: Very jumpy and battles when possible.

Allen's Mom
race: Caucasian
Hair: Brown, Long.
Height: 5' 4"
weight: 150 lbs
wardrobe: Sweater, Jeans, Granny Shoes.
bio: Loves supporting the WBO.

I need help with some of the legend bladers names and beys.

bey (Zero G):
Represent Month:
Character request
name, Zachery(short,Zack)
bey,samurai kerbecs A230 RB
month, July