Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP - Tri - May. 05, 2012
My first BEYBLADE story on the WBO.
Chapter 1: The tournament
. . . . The beginning of my Freshman year in school. I have butterflies in my stomach with fear, but also anticipation. Not because of going back to school, but for the tournament. Each year at our school, the Freshman have a massive beyblade tournament that all of the school, student, facuilty, and anybody else can come and watch. I may just be one out of all thirty-two bladers, but I have a great feeling that me and Screw Kitsune will win.
"Hey Allen, your just in time for the rounds to be picked," says my best friend, Jason.
" Shut up, they're choosing!"I exclaim.
I watch the pictures of all the students flip around the screen, when finally it stops.
"First round! Jason Emanus versus, Dainou Kaison!" yells the ref.
. . . . I figured Jason would be excited about him battling first, but he went from the happiest kid in the world, to the most serious, almost frightening looking person in the world.
"What is with you Jason, Earth Capricorn and you can totally destroy this guy" I say.
. . . .I have never seen Jason with such an expression, on his face. I keep yelling at him as he looks at the screen.Then I realize why he is like this, and I look at Dainou's bey. He has a ZeroG system bey, which shone brightly in my eyes, it's name becoming apparent in my mind: Ninja Cathpalug...
Chapter 2: Capricorn vs. Cathpalug
. . . .This bey became apparant in my mind automaticly because it was used in the Beyblade World Championships last year by some African blader. How this guy got ahold of a bey like this is unknown, but I want to find out.
"All righy then bladers, take your positions"! Yells the ref.
"I don't think I can do it, Allen". Says Jason with great fear.
"What I want to know is how Dainou got ahold of this bey". I ask.
"Let us introduce this strong bladers and their beys"! Yells the ref, as if we were hard of hearing.
. . . .The ref starts introducing Jason. The ref says Jason was the winner of a local tournament at a Bey-Pit shop, which I had no idea about. The ref also tells the crowd Jason's bey name, Earth Capricorn AD145WD, A great Balance type bey. The ref introduces Dainou next. He says that he is a blader from Egypt, which I figured because of his dark skin and hair. When the ref introduces Dainou's bey, Ninja Cathpalug E230XF, the crowd has a long pause. Everybody knew of this bey, from the World Championships.
"OK, bladers, ready your launchers"! Yells the ref.
"3". The crowd yells.
"2". The crowd yells even more.
"1". The crowd yells even more than before.
"Go Shoot"! yells the crowd including Jason and Dainou at the top of their lungs!
. . . .The beys are rushing towards the center of the stadiums at high speeds. The beys clash together and sparks are sent flying in the stadium and also towards the ref. Jason is sweating like a dog, I know how much he loves winning. Ninja Cathpalug's track is a very tall one, I have never seen one at a 230 height before, especially with an elevator gimmick.Capricorn is getting slammed around the stadium like a rag doll, it is really hard to watch.
"Capri, I don't know what to do. Use your special move, Horn Uppercu..."! says Jason, but can't finish his sentence.
"This battle will end now! Cathpalug, Gravity Zone"! yells Dainou.
. . . .The next thing I know, Capricorn is on the floor, lying right beside Jason. Jason just falls to his knees, in shame. Capricorn's Face and CLear Wheel are damaged pretty bad, I notice. I walk over to Jason, in disbelief that one special move could end a battle, in a blink of an eye.
"Hey dude, I am so sorry. I will do whatever I can to get you and Capricorn back on your feet". I tell Jason.
"There is only one thing I want you to do, Allen". Says Jason in a very sad tone.
"I will do anything man". I say back.
There is a long pause of silence, not even the crowd was saying a word due to their disbelief with the battle as well.
"Defeat this guy"! Screams Jason. Chapter 3: Questions.
. . . .Many battles are going on as me and Jason are in the Locker Room discussing the battle. My mind is going crazy with thoughts as I think of how quickly this Zero G bey defeated Jason's bey so quickly. The question that is mostly in my thoughts though is what if I have to face this Dainou guy?
"Hey Allen, they just announced your name". I hear Jason say.
"What? ohh, well who is my opponent"? I ask clearing my throat.
"Look for yourself on the screen". Jason says.
. . . .I have to face a girl blader from my school, what makes me worried though is who my opponent is, my girlfriend, Stacey Gallant. No, this can't be, she gets so emotional when she loses a battle! My head is like a nonstop firework that keeps exploding!
"OK! Bladers, take your positions!"! screams the ref.
"Don't hold back on me Sweet Cheeks"! Yells Stacey.
. . . .I could not believe she called me sweet cheeks in front of the whole school! That was supposed to be a secret nickname! I won't let embarrasment get in my way though, especially during a bey battle!
"OK Bladers! Ready your launchers"! yells the ref.
"All right! I am read..."! I stop as I reach for Kitsune.
"Wait! I can't find my bey"! I scream as I am panicking.
. . . .This is the worst time ever to lose a bey. I am frightened at the thought of Kitsune being missing, because Kitsune has been passed down for quite a long time in my family ancestory. As the ref comes down from his stand to help me find my bey, I notice something, Dainou is leaving the Beystadium area! I rush over to Dainou in the thought that he might have taken Kitsune, but before I can get to him, he starts sprinting out of the stadium area.
"Get back you here you thief"! I scream at Dainou.
Dainou stops after we are quite a far way from the school.
"Listen, stop! Wai.."! Dainou screams.
Before Dainou can finish his sentence, I punched him square in the jaw.
"Liste...oww! Listen to me Allen, your bey Kitsune is needed for some research"! Dainou says in a deeper voice than before.
"What? What kind of research"? I say while I am still catching my breath from running.
"We need a better place to discuss this, school is not over, so lets go to my father's lab". He says.
"Fine, this better be inportant, because I was very frightened about losing Kitsune, you see it has been in my fam...".
Dainou cuts me off.
"Trust me I know everything about Kitsune, now lets go". He asks.
. . . .So many questions are going through my head, What could this guy want with Kitsune? Was it important enough for me to pretty much ditch school? The question how Dainou has a Zero G bey is going through my head as well still. So many questions, and also one more, will I get answers?
Chapter 4: The evil bey?
. . . .Dainou's father's lab is a large room with random dials and monitors all over the walls, I feel like I am playing a Pokemon game. A man in a white hoodie walks out of a room, from the opposite side of the entrance. Dainou places Kitsune in a slot that looks as if it was specially designed just for Kitsune.
"What are you gonna do to Kitsune, Dainou"? I ask suspiciously.
"Well your bey... Oh yeah! my real name is Neal by the way. Well, anyways your bey Kitsune is one of twelve beys in the world that have a certain power in the beasts. Since there are twelve, me and my father here, Trey, which you may know from the World Beyblade Championships".
"Woh, that explains how you have this Zero G bey, it has been bugging me all... oh, sorry I interupted". I say.
"Yes , well anyways, where was I? Oh yeah! Since there are twelve, we divided the beys into months, your bey being July, and my bey being January, oh yeah! my bey is one of the twelve Legend beys, I guess you could say as well. Why you may be wondering I want your bey for research though is for the darker part of my story". Neal Expalins.
"I get scared very easily, so..., yeah, just to tell you". I say.
"Ok, well, a hidden facility in Egypt, where I live, is attempting to make an evil bey". He says.
"What do you mean evil"? I ask with suspicion.
"This bey is attempting to take the beasts inside the twelve legend beys, and just devour them". He says with a feared tone.
. . . .This put a chill down my spine, a bey devouring a beys beast? Kitsune, is... my best friend, he has been my partner and has not lost me a battle yet, but from what Neal is saying, Kitsune is even stronger than I thought. I know what he wants to do, he wants to find all the twelve legend bladers, and help them be safe from this evil bey. Most of my questions are answered now, but now I have a feeling more are yet to come.
"OK, I am guessing you know the plan. We need to get you, the other ten, and me ready to battle this evil bey and destroy it so we never have to worry about him devouring our beys.
"How do you plan to get us ready for a thing like this, I could never do it! I am not Ginga Hagane for crying out loud"! I yell.
"By upgrading Kitsune to a Zero G bey". Trey says.
. . . .A ZERO G bey? that is the most awesome thing that could ever happen! Now that I know he is doing an upgrade for my bey, it kinda makes the whole situation seem a little easier. The way Daino... I mean, Neal, talks about this evil bey, it will be a task harder than anything I have done.
"It will take a week at the most to work on Kitsune, do not tell anybody about this though! Not even your buddy, Jason, we do not want to scare anybody". He says
"When are we gonna get the other ten here"? I ask.
"They all ready are" He says with a more happy tone.
. . . .Neal gives a cue to his father, Trey, and Trey presses a button near a big monitor and a staircase appears behind me. I look down and see many bladers, ten to be exact, battling eachother in very odd swaying stadiums. They are battling in the Zero G stadiums, They all seem to have Zero G beys already. Now that we are all together, the twelve legend bladers, We must train to defeat this so called "evil bey".
"Hey guys look it is Allen"! I hear one of the bladers yell.
. . . .All the bladers look at me and wave, I gradually wave back. I am excited that I can train with such nice people. I really want to start the training now, but Neal must work on my bey for a week! I have never went this long without battling. I am not doing this just for the Zero G bey, I am doing it to protect the beasts in the beys and remain with the bladers that own them.
Chapter 5: The improved Kitsune!
. . . .The time away from Kitsune is the most boring time I have ever had my whole life, and it has only been an hour since I left the lab! I walk back to school with only thirty minutes left. I tell the teachers I could not find Dainou and I was very sad, so the school let me go home early, only thirty minutes early. As I walk into my apartment, I live by myself as of the start of my freshman year, I sit down and log into the World beyblade organization website, a website that my buddy Brad made. I started a topic on "Your Time Away From Your Bey". It started filling with posts and was stickied! As I read some posts, someone knocks on the door, and I open the door.
"Hey Allen"! My mother screams as I open the door.
"Oh, hey mom, what are you doing here"? I ask with suspicion because she rarely visits.
"I heard what happened at school, your dad is not happy that Kitsune is gone considering it has been in your father's family for quite some time". She says.
"Yeah, I know". I say attempting to keep up the act.
Awkward silence that my mom seems to make occur a lot is happening.
"Well, I better get going, supper is on the stove at home. Would you like to eat with us"? my mother asks.
"No, that's OK mom, me and Stacey are going out to eat later" I exclaim
"OK, bye honey". my mom says as she walks out the door.
. . . . After one week of school, people asked me so many questions about Kitsune being stolen, it got annoying, but finally a week had passed. I am walking to the lab trying to act natural so I don't cause suspicion when I realize something, how does Neal plan to keep hidden in a lab that is located right in town? I figured he already had a plan, so I stopped worrying about it. As I open the door of the small building, the room looked completely different. The monitors were gone and replaced with random paintings on the wall. The desks with computers were replaced with furniture. It looked like a regular home now. I yell for Dain... I mean Neal, and he walks from the door in the back of the room.
"Like what we have done with the place, Allen"? Neal asks with a smirk.
"It seems more modern and not as "Sci-Fi'ish" as it was before"I say with a little laugh.
"Well the reason for this was because we did not want to bring any suspicion. You are sure nobody followed you right"He asks.
"Yeah, I am completely positive". I exclaim.
"OK, flip on the light for me please". He asks, which is odd because he is standing right beside them.
. . . . I flip on the lights and the staircase from before opens again, and the same bladers are still battling. There are three different stadiums now. There is a regular 3-walled stadium, a Zero G stadium with three openings, and another zero G stadium with one opening and a deeper center. As I am walking down the stairs, one of the bladers, a male with blonde hair is whiping his bey with a cloth. The bey was beautiful, it's Chrome Wheel was very circular, and the Stone Face had a motif of what appeared to be a dragon-serpent-like creature.
"Hello Allen, I am Edward, I represent August with my bey Knight Reviser Wing 145 Defence Metal Ball". The blader says.
"Wow, I have never been this close to a Zero G bey. This rocks"! I say with excitement.
"Allen, you know your bey is ready, right". Neal says.
"Of course, I have been waiting all week"! I am literally shaking as I say this.
Neal hands me a case sort of like a rapid deploy case. I press the button.
. . . .As the deploy case opens the bey comes out as well. I reach for the shiny bey, and examine it with my eyes. The Chrome Wheel has many fox tails in a motion. It looks like it could deal a lot of damage. The Chrystal wheel looks to be two swords curving in a circular motion. The track was one I had never seen before. It was a 145 height with little rollers which appeared to be metal. I still had my regular Metal Flat bottom. The Stone Face was a Fox face with a large Fox tail surrounding it's body. The chrystal wheel is red, and the track and bottom are transparent yellow.
"Wow...what is the bey's name"? I ask.
"Shogun Kitsune Metal Roller 145 Metal Flat". Neal exclaims.
" I am happy I have this bey. I can definitely defeat that evil bey with it" I scream with excitement.
"I bet you can Allen, now do you want a practice round with your bey"? Neal asks
"Yes, and I want to battle.... you!" I say as I am pointing at Neal.
"OK, lets go to the Zero G attack type stadium!" Neal says.
. . . .Me and Neal ready our launchers. The other Legend Bladers stop to watch me battle. Neal's father comes to a stand and introduces mine, and Neal's bey.
"Ninja Cathpalug E230XF vs. Shogun Kitsune MR145MF." Neals's father says.
"Ready your launchers!"
"Don't hold back on me, Neal!" I say.
" Trust me, I never do." He says back.
"Ok"
"3...."
"2....."
"1...."
"LET IT RIP!" We scream at the top of our lungs.
. . . . The beys clash in the middle of the wobbling Zero G stadium. Cathpalug is a very spiky looking bey, it has great attack power. The beys keep sending eachother to the wall, sparks flying through the air everytime like confetti. Neal's Cathpalug is very fast, with it's Extreme Flat bottom, but my bey is not as fast, with more stamina, with the Metal Flat bottom.
"Neal, does my bey have any special moves" I ask.
"Yes, it is called 'Iron Tail Wind'" He says back.
"OK, Kitsune... Iron Tail Wind!" I scream.
"Not enough! Cathpalug... Gravity Zone"! Neal screams.
. . . . [/color]As Iron Tail Wind, which is when the fox inside comes out and smashes into the opposing, clashes with Gravity Zone a large explosion happens. My ears are ringing waiting for the smoke to clear. my bey lies motionless in the middle of the stadium.
"Well Allen, you still think you can defeat that evil bey?" Neal says with a smirk.
'If I keep training with this amazing bey. . . . I could defeat anyone!" I scream.
RE: Battle of beys (a beyblade story) - XXaron - May. 05, 2012
Namine, that has nothing to do with the topic
Anyways...
Your chapters should be a bit longer, and of course you need to hide the little periods starting a paragraph by making them the white-colored font.
And you have a few grammar mistakes (Then I realize why he is like this, I look at Dainou's bey, He has a ZeroG system bey. Ninja Cathpalug.... you need to either end the sentance after the comma, or add a coor/subordinating conjunction to it to make it flow better... conjunction is my suggestion). I'll fix that sentance for you.
Then I realize why he is like this, and I look at Dainou's bey. He has a ZeroG system bey, which shone brightly in my eyes, it's name becoming apparent in my mind: Ninja Cathpalug...
That is all.
RE: Battle of beys (a beyblade story) - Tri - May. 05, 2012
Thank you XXaron for the help, I corrected the errors that you asked me to fix.
I hope my skills as a writer do improve. I am going to continue on this story. Please help me, anybody.
(execpt for Namine456)
RE: Battle of beys (a beyblade story) - Duck - May. 06, 2012
Nice job! You got the quotation formatting correct! Try to give your characters real character, and keep the plot exciting and interesting for everyone! Keep up the good writing!
RE: Battle of beys (a beyblade story) - Cookie Bouquets - May. 06, 2012
fix some of the dialogue like
"Hey Allen, your just in time for the rounds to be picked". says my best friend, Jason.
" Shut up, they're choosing"! I say.
I watch the pictures of all the students flip around the screen, when finally it stops.
"First round! Jason Emanus versus, Dainou Kaison"! says the ref.
should be
"Hey Allen, your just in time for the rounds to be picked," says my best friend, Jason.
" Shut up, they're choosing!"I exclaim.
I watch the pictures of all the students flip around the screen, when finally it stops.
"First round! Jason Emanus versus, Dainou Kaison!" yells the ref.
RE: Battle of beys (a beyblade story) - Tri - May. 06, 2012
Chapter 2 is up in the OP, tell me what you guys think. Should I continue?
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-2 in OP - Tri - May. 08, 2012
Chapter 3 is also up in the OP. Please tell me what you think.
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-3 in OP - Nearr - May. 08, 2012
I think you should continue.
P.S. For some reaso because of research and labs I'm getting a Pokémon feel. lol
Still, very good story.
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-3 in OP - Tri - May. 08, 2012
Thank you very much Néar, I am definitely going to continue. I am getting hooked onto it.
...Maybe it is a PokemonXBeyblade Cross Epoch . JK!
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-3 in OP - sarabscientist - May. 08, 2012
Quite a nice story! Keep it up
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-4 in OP - Tri - May. 10, 2012
Chapter 4 is in the OP.
Thank you XXaron ans Shirayuki for helping me with some grammar mistakes.
Thank you to everybody who reads as well.
Here is something I put in the story because of something Néar posted a couple posts earlier.
"Dainou's father's lab is a large room with random dials and monitors all over the walls, I feel like I am playing a Pokemon game."
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-4 in OP - Flash! - May. 27, 2012
Wow, great story.
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-4 in OP - Nearr - May. 27, 2012
I'm back lol. the white font didn't blend (try grey I think) and change stircase to staircase
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-4 in OP - Tri - May. 27, 2012
Thansk guys, I will post chapter 5 now that i got some feedback! I will attempt to finish it today!
Here are some character profiles...
Allen Roem
race: Caucasion
Hair: Brown, Likes to flip over hair.
height: 5' 6"
weight: 125 lbs
Wardrobe: T-Shirt, Basketball Shorts, Flat-bill hat, Basketball Shoes.
bio:Loves Foxs'.(Kitsune is a fox), Loves the sport of beyblade.
Jason
race: caucasian
hair: Brown, curly.
height: 5' 3"
weight: 120 lbs
wardrobe: T-Shirt, Sweatshirt, jeans, Basketball Shoes.
bio: Loves to win beyblade matches as much as he loves his bey.
Dainou/Neal
race:African American
hair: Black, Curly.
height:5' 11"
weight: 185 lbs
wardrobe: T-Shirt, Long white lab coat, Sweatpants, Sandals
bio: The strong blader with a Zero G bey.
Stacey
race:caucasion
hair: Blonde, Ponytail.
height: 5' 4"(haha taller than Jason!)
weight:105 lbs(she thinks she is fat)
wardrobe: T-Shirt, Basketball Shorts, Flat-bill hat, Shoes(Allen and her are very alike)
bio: She gets over-emotional when losing a beyblade match.
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-4 in OP - Flash! - May. 27, 2012
What is the track and tip of kitsune?
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-4 in OP - Tri - May. 27, 2012
(May. 27, 2012 9:07 PM)Hobbybey Wrote: What is the track and tip of kitsune?
I did not think it mattered since he did not even battle with Kitsune yet in the story.
I can say though when Allen gets Kitsune back as a Zero G bey it will be called Shogun Kitsune MR145MF. MR stands for metal roller.
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP - Tri - May. 29, 2012
Sorry for Double post but...........
Chapter 5 is in the OP!
I need some help though! There are 12 Legend Bladers, 3 have been introduced in the story so far.
I need help naming some of the legend bladers, an the names of the beys as well!
Tell me what you think of Chapter 5 though!
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP - Flash! - May. 30, 2012
Chapter 5 was awesome. Well done!!!
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP - Tri - May. 31, 2012
Thanks Hobbybey! Chapter 6 will be in the making after I get some more criticism.
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP - Tri - Jun. 03, 2012
Sorry for double post.....
Here are more character profiles.
Edward
race: Caucasion
Hair: Blonde, Shaggy
height: 5' 10"
weight: 165 lbs
Wardrobe: SweatShirt, Basketball Short, Sneakers.
bio: Very jumpy and battles when possible.
Allen's Mom
race: Caucasian
Hair: Brown, Long.
Height: 5' 4"
weight: 150 lbs
wardrobe: Sweater, Jeans, Granny Shoes.
bio: Loves supporting the WBO.
I need help with some of the legend bladers names and beys.
name:
bey (Zero G):
Represent Month:
Sex:
RE: Battle of beys [a beyblade story] Ch.1-5 in OP - Syco - Jul. 09, 2012
Character request
name, Zachery(short,Zack)
bey,samurai kerbecs A230 RB
month, July
gender,male
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