Aliki: Master of the Bey

Poll: Was tis good?

Yes, definalty!
It was OK...
It was horrible!
Total: 100% 15 vote(s)
CHAPTER ONE: How This Mess Began

CHAPTER TWO: The Wicked Hades

CHAPTER FOUR: Now the Fun Starts

CHAPTER FIVE: Death by Hades

I was stunned. Johanna was dead. Megan and Tay were screaming.
"ACHHHH!!!! She's DEAD!!!!" they screamed.
"My god, Aliki. She's dead. What does that mean? Who was she?" AJ said.
Nick ran up to me and grabbed Steel Wolf out of my hands. "Its... different!!! He sad It's evolved! Do you know what this means? It means we will win the Sure-Fire Tournament!!! This wheel looks like Twisted, but heavier than than it and without the Staircase of Death.... It's the perfect Defense Metal Wheel! What do you call it?"
(Mar. 17, 2012  1:59 AM)rockleone7778 Wrote: balls
balls x2
Do not make one word posts you two. That is terrible criticism, and both of your stories are no better.

Your story definitely needs more content to it, better punctuation, and better character development. It needs a lot of improvement, but you can get there.
I actually like the story I was just going with the dude above my 1st post.....Sorry.....
EDIT-It was OK...
Also I feel bad now......Really sorry....
Ok, sorry if I offend you, but:
Seriosuly. You need grammar, and of course you need to spell things correctly (No thru, it's through).
Plus, details, details,details. You're missing a lot of them, and your story dosn't have much emotion...
But you at least can capitalize and punctuize.
And one last thing: Whenever a new person speaks, make a new line, and make sure your story flows nicely (The random beyblader does not flow in really good...)
Hmmm... will do, Rai and aron. I've never written a story on a PC before, and my English teacher seems to like how I write stories.
Does anyone really read this? If not, I'll just stop making the story.
First half of Chapter Five is up. More later.
I read it! I like it, but I don't love it. Follow XXaron's advice, and give the story more heart! The plot is good! Work on grammar! Hades is cool!