World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

A Beyblade Poem I Wrote!

Nov. 13, 2019  8:19 PM
 
So for school we have to write poems and share them with the public twice. Heres the one I'm gonna share. Its about the WBO I guess.

“Mom, Can i stay home?”
Those girls at school. They make me feel alone.
School, it was 4th grade. How lame.
All those girls want is fame.
Then, an ad played.
It was like no other.
30 seconds of wonder.
What was that game they played?
Was it called beyblade?
What a weird name.
Suddenly school was at the back of my mind.
Those tops, how could I make them mine?
Perhaps it was the start of a new time.
Maybe a misadventure at walmart would make them mine.
“Hey, these tops look fun. Don't you have one?”
Thats what ive been waiting for.
A chance to have those tops i see!
A while later, I collected more tops with glee.
What's this website i see?
“Hey dad? Can you take me to this event?
I’ll meet people with the same interests as me!”
April 29th, 2018, the day my life changed in a very good way.
This game, i've come a long way.
And now i've placed eleven today.
I was so proud of that day.
I knew that this game was something that was truly special to me.
Even if others didn’t see.
How this game reflects upon me.
You see, because of a crooked reality.
Based on some silly memes.
I couldn't speak about the game as a pleased.
And i was alone.
But then june 2nd came along.
Yet another day where i could feel like I belong.
This game, that show, those characters, these toys.
They make me feel like im not alone.
Even when i'm far from home.


Tell me how it is!
Nov. 13, 2019  8:32 PM
 
(Nov. 13, 2019  8:19 PM)UltimateMaster Wrote: So for school we have to write poems and share them with the public twice. Heres the one I'm gonna share. Its about the WBO I guess.

“Mom, Can i stay home?”
Those girls at school. They make me feel alone.
School, it was 4th grade. How lame.
All those girls want is fame.
Then, an ad played.
It was like no other.
30 seconds of wonder.
What was that game they played?
Was it called beyblade?
What a weird name.
Suddenly school was at the back of my mind.
Those tops, how could I make them mine?
Perhaps it was the start of a new time.
Maybe a misadventure at walmart would make them mine.
“Hey, these tops look fun. Don't you have one?”
Thats what ive been waiting for.
A chance to have those tops i see!
A while later, I collected more tops with glee.
What's this website i see?
“Hey dad? Can you take me to this event?
I’ll meet people with the same interests as me!”
April 29th, 2018, the day my life changed in a very good way.
This game, i've come a long way.
And now i've placed eleven today.
I was so proud of that day.
I knew that this game was something that was truly special to me.
Even if others didn’t see.
How this game reflects upon me.
You see, because of a crooked reality.
Based on some silly memes.
I couldn't speak about the game as a pleased.
And i was alone.
But then june 2nd came along.
Yet another day where i could feel like I belong.
This game, that show, those characters, these toys.
They make me feel like im not alone.
Even when i'm far from home.


Tell me how it is!

It's great!
Nov. 13, 2019  9:46 PM
 
its pretty good! it portrays your emotions and experiences neatly. However, I noticed that you ended most of the lines with a period, even if you didnt need to. That disrupts the beat of the poem, as you have incomplete sentences and it wont make sense. You do not have to put a period every line!