enter Khayree

Poll: this is my first story how did i do so far

this is awsome
25.00%
1
its ok
25.00%
1
its good but not the best
50.00%
2
IT SUUUCKKS JUST STOP
0%
0
Total: 100% 4 vote(s)
the story is that a 13 year old boy who loves beyblade and has dreams of battling zero but well he ever reach his dream when a demon Posseses him he starts to become a new person hurting his freinds his siter and even his mom can he beat the evil inside him or well he die in the process
prologue
This is hard to understand, messy, and packed. I find it impossible to read.
Please, I would really likeit if you could clean up this "mess".

Good luck,
Takasu
umm wow ok im not the best speller but i well try to fix it
This has tons of grammer mistakes, I am also confused about the premise. I would read this if it made more sense to me. I also think you should change the chapter to a Prolougue because it is really short, and add spoilers. That's my constructive criticism. EDIT: How did you reply before me, Takasu? Argh!
i fixed the gramer mistakes and how do ill add a spoiler and the premise after i learn how to make a spoiler
Use the spoil button.

And you still have a lot of mistakes. You are missing spaces, capitals, and there are still many grammer problems.
look at it agin i just updated it
This story is a little bit cliche. Anyways. You misspelled Miya and Yells.


Dialogue works like this

"Yeah, I'm awesome," I say.
"Shirayuki, shut up!" Matakj09 replies.
no thats how her name is spelled my best frirnd name is mya so i put her in it
(Sep. 16, 2012  3:35 AM)matakj09 Wrote: no thats how her name is spelled my best frirnd name is mya so i put her in it

Ahh, okay, but still, read my guide on dialogue.
Just in the prologue, I found missing punctuation and bad grammer, as well as missing capitals. Some capitals are even in the wrong place.

What are you using to write this story?
Your phone, or tablet? Well, stop. Using mobile devices usually bring tons of mistakes.

If a computer, then this can surely be improved. Use Microsoft Word to clean up general mistakes, and read it over to find mistakes yourself.
if anyone wants to work on the story with me pm me i need all the help im starting to get into writing and i need all the help i can get so anyone wanna work as partners
Takasu yes im on my tablet i guss ill use my pc even though my i pad is faster
Even though its faster, quality work takes time, right?
So why don't you spend some time and try to type it on a computer?
i just put up chapter 1 is the new format beter