This is a story of an outcast, a beyblade and the true meaning of beyspirt

ch 0 --the prolog --the begining

It all started on Holloween night where a person named Mike who was the only person in his city without a beyblade. There was a tornement that will start in one hour at midnight . He wished he could enter it but he could not do it. So instead he went to the haunted house to be alone. While he was there he saw something shining in the corner from the moonlight. He went over there to see what it was. It was a beyblade called "Vortex Spider S145 C". Now he can enter the tounement if he can beat the clock but , there was only 15 minutes left before midnight. So , he ran as fast as he can. When there was only 30 seconds left he was almost there so he jump as far as he could. He bearly made it when there was only one second left. Now all that was left was to win the tounement.
Next chapter--The first chalange

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

It's pretty damn bad

A Haunted House? Really?

He just finds a beyblade on the floor? Really?

Holloween? Really?

It really sucks, man.

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it was holloween so haunted house have to go and what is wrong with holloween.also where else but on the floor should he find the beyblade

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

Just to blurt this out at the beinging, I'm not trying to mean or anything xD just critisism that will hopefully help your story

One thing that you might want to do is run your story through a spell check. somethings like Halloween are misspelled. Besides that, the grammer's somewhat off too. like "where a person named Mike who was the only person in his city without a beyblade." should be changed to something like "where a kid named Mike was wandering around. Unfortunately, he was the only one in his city without a beyblade."... wait, no, let me just edit the grammer of the whole thing...

prologue
--the beginning--

It all started on Halloween night where a kid named Mike was roaming the streets in the dark eerie night. Unfortunately, Mike's mood matched his scenery. He happened to be the only person in his city who didn't have a beyblade, and there was a tournament that was that very night at midnight. Mike had really wanted to enter it, but it was set to start in an hour, and he had no bey to compete with. Feeling depressed, Mike decided to wander to the haunted house that had been set up in the outskirts of the city so that he could be alone for a while. However, once he walked inside, something caught Mike's eye. There was a circular object in the corner of the room. A beam of moonlight was shining in the window so that it shone in the gloom. Mike decided to walk over to check out what it was. To his surprise, it was a beyblade, one that he'd never seen anyone else use before. "Vortex Spider S145 C," he said to himself, not stopping to wonder how he knew what it was called. He picked it up, and noticed that there was a brand new launcher and ripcord beside it. Mike picked it all up and, upon standing up, realized that there was still a few minutes before midnight. Grinning, Mike booked it towards the city square where the tournament where the tournament was being held. He had only mere seconds to spare before he sprinted into the bright, lit up city square, beyblades clashing everywhere, and the MC just getting ready to announce the start of the tournament. He had made it. Now all he had to do was win.

not perfect, but more grammatically correct. Besides that, the only thing that I noticed is how quickly you jumped into a stereotypical tournament plot. That decision is ultimately up to you, but I'm just questioning how well someone who just got his first bey is going to do in a tournament when he's never practiced before or anything. just the notes that I had while reading it. Anyways, I hope I was able to help with your prolouge

Just to blurt this out at the beinging, I'm not trying to mean or anything xD just critisism that will hopefully help your story

One thing that you might want to do is run your story through a spell check. somethings like Halloween are misspelled. Besides that, the grammer's somewhat off too. like "where a person named Mike who was the only person in his city without a beyblade." should be changed to something like "where a kid named Mike was wandering around. Unfortunately, he was the only one in his city without a beyblade."... wait, no, let me just edit the grammer of the whole thing...

prologue
--the beginning--

It all started on Halloween night where a kid named Mike was roaming the streets in the dark eerie night. Unfortunately, Mike's mood matched his scenery. He happened to be the only person in his city who didn't have a beyblade, and there was a tournament that was that very night at midnight. Mike had really wanted to enter it, but it was set to start in an hour, and he had no bey to compete with. Feeling depressed, Mike decided to wander to the haunted house that had been set up in the outskirts of the city so that he could be alone for a while. However, once he walked inside, something caught Mike's eye. There was a circular object in the corner of the room. A beam of moonlight was shining in the window so that it shone in the gloom. Mike decided to walk over to check out what it was. To his surprise, it was a beyblade, one that he'd never seen anyone else use before. "Vortex Spider S145 C," he said to himself, not stopping to wonder how he knew what it was called. He picked it up, and noticed that there was a brand new launcher and ripcord beside it. Mike picked it all up and, upon standing up, realized that there was still a few minutes before midnight. Grinning, Mike booked it towards the city square where the tournament where the tournament was being held. He had only mere seconds to spare before he sprinted into the bright, lit up city square, beyblades clashing everywhere, and the MC just getting ready to announce the start of the tournament. He had made it. Now all he had to do was win.

not perfect, but more grammatically correct. Besides that, the only thing that I noticed is how quickly you jumped into a stereotypical tournament plot. That decision is ultimately up to you, but I'm just questioning how well someone who just got his first bey is going to do in a tournament when he's never practiced before or anything. just the notes that I had while reading it. Anyways, I hope I was able to help with your prolouge

thanks can you help me with every chapter like that also do you have a name idea or charactor request

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i really need some more charactors and name ideas

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mikes bio
he is 15 years old wears a black t-shirt and a grey jacket that is never zipped up
beyblade Vortex Spider S145 C
S145=spring 145 : have 8 springs around it
C=coil : it is like a spring that is coiled up very tightly
specal move=jumping spider bite jumps up and uses 2 spring to pound its opponent into the ground(not out yet but will in ch1 or so)

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

I guess I could look over some of them for you until I get bored, but I can't promise that I will for every chapter lol. epescially if they get long. I will look over them and point some stuff out if you like tho. Editing's pretty easy so I don't mind a whole ton XD

Edit: and sorry, but I don't know of any characters for your story. I have my own characters, but they're kinda mine XD

any charactors will do more than likely

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

any charactors will do more than likely

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

i am nearly done with ch 1 i need a charactor with an atack type beyblade

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

i am nearly done with ch 1 i need a charactor with an atack type beyblade

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

decent story.. i would like 2 see where to go

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Hey check out my channel by clicking: here
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ok i am trying to type it right now

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

Ch1 The First challange
note that it will take time and i will load it peace by piece so do not judge the story until this part of he store

As Mike walked up to the stadeom he look around and got nervous becaus of every one was looking at him. when he saw that his opponent was Zoe , an attack type blader with a few friends.He had "Stritus Duke 100CS". As DJ Blader said"3 ,2 , 1 Lit It Rip" Mike launched his bey with all his heart.

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

lets see:


1.wrong spelling
2.awful grammar
3.no plot
4.really bad story


maybe we can help you

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Follow me on Twitter: @SynthGraphics

Not to be mean BUT THIS IS THE WORST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD!!! But we'll see in CH1

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However, I wouldn't hurt Dani. But I do like the idea!

:djuh:

sounds intersting

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Who the heck is Zoe, why does Mike know her name randomly, and why does the match start like 3 seconds after he gets there? Heck, he's not even registered for the tournament right? he just got his bey like a few minutes ago and just got there right? Needs tons of plot editing.

fine let see you do it better

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my best combo is earth virgo 100 ms

B. A. D. Bad. The grammar was terrible, bad spelling, NO adequate plot, the main character's about as robust as a peice of moldy cheese. The pretense isn't very good at that. Yes, I come off as harsh, but this is just plain bad. Sorry for the harshness. Plus, so many writers do this better, it's not even funny. Not very excited to read the next chapter , and YOU need to take people's advice instead of saying "Let's see you do it better!" All they have to do is spell words right.

You don't know how to write so I'd suggest not doing it outside of school.

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Check my stuff for sale.

Ouch. Why does your avatar PERFECTLY match the situation? But Frown is kinda right. WHY THE HELL IS "Chapter 1" ONLY 5 SENTENCES?!