Characters
Ian:earth saggitario DF145 FS Personality:Quiet
special moves: unknown
AJ:hell pegasis W105 R2F main character Personality:Persistent
special moves:flash fire 2 winged hell galaxy omega
Greg:earth eagle gb145 sd Personality:Joyful
special moves:soaring destruction
Kenny:ray Libra t125 es Personality:Easy going
special moves:super sonic explosion
Shawn:earth leone c145 WD Personality:Persistent
special moves:unknown
Marcel: l drago destroy F:S Personality:Easily angered
Chapter 1:the tourney that started it all

Wow! I can`t wait for the tourny to start. said AJ. Hey kid! shouted a random blader.
Wanna battle?Sure why not.AJ said.The battle started the friction between the metal started to make smoke.Wow...your starting to bore me. I think I`ll end this battle.Hell pegasis use Flash Fire. Hell pegasis went to the middle of the stadium all of a sudden the stadium was lit with fire. Hell pegasis hit the opponents beyblade. It flew into the fire and stopped spinning a few seconds later.Wow! Random blader said. You may be able to defeat Shawn over there.said Random blader. AJ observed Shawn. He was brown skinned,he had his hair military style he thought maybe he would be worth battling. HEY AJ!!! said Ian.Huh? Oh hey Ian.AJ said.The tournament organizers
just announced that the tournaments top 4 bladers will be on a team together.Cool do your best so we can be on the same team.Alright I will.the tournament started and AJ barely broke a sweat until the last 3 battles with Kenny,Gregory and Ian.Ian was the hardest to beat.He must have really trained hard.it was also really hard because it was in a stadium he had never played in before.The loop da loop stadium.
My beyblade chased his through the loop da loop stadium.Every time our beys clashed huge smoke clouds emitted from the stadium. Your still as good as last time we battled.said Ian. Oh really pegasis 2 WINGED HELL.Hell pegasis slashed the top part of the loop da loop stadium and earth saggitario fell to the ground and stopped spinning because falling chunks of the top part of the loop da loop stadium.Wow.you beat me again. Blader DJ said.Well that's the end of the tournament that was on fire but the new team will be announced AJ,GREGORY,KENNY and IAN since AJ won the tournament he decides on the teams new name is. So AJ what will the teams name be.AJ said. I`ll call it team Inferno Blitz. All right now that we got the name done. I`m going to tell you the main objective of team Inferno Blitz.After the new team walked into the lockers. AJ told them about the evil organization that wants to use beyblades to conquer the world they were called dark assassins with there leader Marcel using L drago destroy a beyblade that dosen`t stop rampaging until everything is destroyed.

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Ok, I'll try to point out at least a few things:

1. Your grammar could use some work. Put spaces after periods, don't capitalize when you don't need to...just look at some other stories or go to a website and review some grammar. It will help make your story look more appealing.

2. No offense, but I honestly don't know what's going on in the story. Try to be clear about events, and write out parts. For example, in the beginning write about how they launched instead of going straight to the battle.

3. Descriptions. I swear, 90% of the 'writers' on this site lack this. Describe things! What did the random blader look like? Was he plump? These things can help readers determine what's going on in the story.

4. Character development. Make sure to pick a personality for your character and stick with it, changing it only when it's part of your story.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

ok thanks ill try to work on it
1. Grammar not good with it XP
2.okay
3.okay
4.okay

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Chapter 2: Training for the impossible

Now that the Inferno Blitz team knew all about the dark assassins, AJ,Kenny,Greg and Ian started training so that they could defeat Marcel. While they were training Kenny being the brain of the group Kenny yelled.Hey I got it!Lets have a battle royal!Suggested Kenny. How will that help us train? Replied Greg. Kenny answered. Its helps us adapt to the situation of multiple beyblades attacking you at once.Said Kenny. Oh I get it now. Said Greg. 3! 2! 1! LET IT RIP! Said AJ,Kenny,Greg and Ian. They all launched there beyblades into the beyblade dish inside the stadium.The first clash lasted about 7 seconds until the battle was interrupted by a Shawn, his beyblade went through the 3 beyblades like it was wet paper! It is like there is no good competition in this town anymore sigh.said Shawn The only beyblade still left in the dish was hell pegasis W105 R2F. HEY!!!I DO NOT LIKE HOW YOU INTERRUPT OUR TRAINING! Yelled AJ!
GOOOO!PEGASIS GALAXY OMEGAAA!Yelled AJ! Hell pegasis flew out of the stadium!
Ian said. Oh no he not gonna do what I think he is!? OH NO he is!SHAWN DODGE IT OR YOUR BEY WILL BE DESTROYED!Ian Yelled with all his might.Shawn yelled Leone Dodge! Leone moved slowly because it is a defense type. Pegasis flew to the ground and hit a part of Leone and launched Earth Leone out of the stadium.When Shawn went to get his beyblade he noticed a wing on the earth wheel was broken throwing it completely off balance.
Shawn was really mad he took his broken beyblade and ran over to AJ.And said. Look at what you did to my beyblade.Said Shawn. I don`t care you put this on yourself.AJ said.WHAT.Shawn said. Shawn grabbed AJ`s shirt and yanked him up in the air then let AJ go,AJ fell to the ground.AJ got up and said. I HAVE THE RIGHT MIND TOO!Hmm never mind!Said AJ.AJ left the beyblade stadium and ran off.
AJ ran to his local beach in ocean city.No one was around so he started traing to make his special move galaxy omega more powerful because he was surprised that earth Leone didn't shatter completely. After hours of training pegasis made one last crater in the sand.It was at least a kilometer deep. That is when the Ian found AJ.
AJ what is wrong?said Ian. I feel like I am not doing the best I can with pegasis.said AJ.Well AJ if you don't feel your doing your best than I will have to tell you about that mountain behind the city.said Ian. As Ian pointed AJ gazed at the mountain with excitement.Ian said.That mountain has harsh obstacles only a true bey blader can overcome if you think your not doing your best than that mountain will prove you wrong.So do you want to go alone or with the team. I'd rather go alone but who knows what could happen on that mountain so I will go with the team.said AJ said.Alright I will go the team.The next day the team was all packed to climb the mountain and AJ was ready to conquer the mountain.
end of chapter 2

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Grammar is not hard. Write it like you'd write an essay for school.

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"Yeah we're all going the same way down. I'm just trying to write it all down." - The Airborne Toxic Event

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