Hi! This is my first story! Please enjoy!

Part 1

The mysterious Blader named Tyler jumped in the stage for his round. He was facing Yashiro. He unleashed His bey, Heat Sagitario. It smashed into his opponents bey, Slime Goop. "Heh, I will move on." He unleashed his special move, Burn Eye and instantly won. The next second, The arena blew up. He saw the legendary Dark Destroyer, But not the user, He walked away. Eyeing a figure in the distance.

Here's character register list


Name of Character:

Character's bey:

Age

Bio:

Why did you decide to join:

Plz enjoy

That's good.
Character goten

Bey storm aquario 100hf/s
special move claw attack, storm attack

Age 15

He is 5,4 he has brown eyes black he trains with his friend melody and her storm sagittario 105 hf/s
And her special move storm slash.

Reason none.

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I like that idea.

Tyler ripped Sagitario in the field to fight the mysterious Dark Destroyer. He got hit once and stopped spinning. Suddenly, Another competitor, Goten, ripped his Aquario, only to get intercepted by a special move, Sword Smash. Which also left it stop spinning. The user walked away, smirking. "We have to beat him, Goten," Tyler said. "We will someday," replied Goten

Chapter 1 is way to short. You didn't put much effort into this, I'm guessing. You should define the surroundings more and fix some format. PM me and I will help you out.

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still posi

Well, 1, I'd just like to say the whole "Slime Goop" bey and stuff was obviously from the beybattles.com custom part selection. And 2, I'd rate this story a 3-4 out of 10. It seems like a whole bunch of sentence fragments that speed through the moment. And all these people and happenings just appear out of nowhere.

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"Like all them good things that ain't never comin' back, she's gone." -Montgomery Gentry

"You know everything I've taught you, but I have not taught you everything I know." -Master Splinter

"A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it." -unknown

Sounds good

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Eh. Ill do something new here. anyway.


Chapters will now have names

Chapter 3: Metal Fight!

Tyler focused on staying alive. He knew That his Sagitario was out of energy, He knew that he needed a good rest. He went to his room(Which actually was still there, thankfully) He slept for an hour. Sagitario had refilled energy from the previous duel With destroyer. Goten came out of his room and stood up. "Tyler, lets battle," he said. Tyler wasnt in the mood, but he accepted. "3!" yelled Tyler yelled. "2!" yelled Goten back "1! Let it rip!"

Tyler used his special launch that bashes the oposing bey greatly. "Go Aquario!" called Goten! Tyler stayed silent, as Sagitario used its speed to dodge multiple angled attacks. "Aquario! Storm Attack!" yelled Goten. "Sagitario! Special move! Heat Buster!" yelled Tyler back. Thunderbolts went towards Heat Sagitario, but Sagitario dodged it and bashed into Aquario enough to put it in a bad position. "Sagitario! Burn Eye!" As always, burn eye leaves any normal bey down. "Great battle, Goten!" called Goten.

You didn't really put much into this... I give it a 3.5 out of 10. Mostly because it's too short. If I were you I'd post the chapters in the OP (First post). As an experianced stoy writer, I'd love to help you. PM Me if you have any questions!
~China
P.S. Just call me China. Not CB. Not Blade. Just China.

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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing With My Life Right Now