This is my first story its probably not gonna be that good but whatever i will take a shot at it


Prologue- There was once a dark evil among the beyblade world. The many different tribes of this world sent their most power blader to go defeat it. None of the bladers were able to defeat the evil by themselves. They had to work together to defeat it. They took the evil being to a distant planet to seal it off. They weren't able to return but they combined there power once more to send back pieces off there beys back. The tribes were united once again and a beyblade league was formed.

Chapter one- a new generation 200 years later
Three bladers from tribe number 14 were training hard to get into the league
"We are so gonna win the championship this year and defeat team fang(the current champions)!" Ray said.
"Yeah my Pegasus and I will crush Leone this year." Allen says.
" Wait a minute, if anyone is gonna crush our mentor its gonna be me" Ray replied.
" Slow down guys we haven't even made it to the league yet. We still have to train and then defeat our home team, the toxic tamers in the match to decide who will represent our town." Cyrus said
" I guess he's right" Allen sighed
"Let's get back to training" Ray said.


The three young bladers trained hard day and night but so did their rival hometown team. The big day had finally arrived. They went up to the registration desk to sign up. The matches would be on top of Mt. Blade
" Your team name and members?" The registration lady asked.
" We are Team Lighting Wings. Our members are Cyrus, Allen, Ray, and ..... and wait a minute where's Kevin" Cyrus said.
"He said he'd be back from his training today." Allen said
"We can't enter without him ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" Ray said
"You still have ten minutes before registration closing." The registration lady said.
"I guess we can just wait and hope for the best" Cyrus sighed. They waited and waited.
"Any last entries!" the registration lady yelled.
"I guess there's always next year." Ray said

"Help!!!" a woman said. She was in a car heading straight off a cliff and her brakes weren't working.
The three of them ran over there but they couldn't catch up to the car. Then out of nowhere a flash of light hit the front of the car and stopped it.
"I'm right here." said a voice at the top of the mountain.
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Charcters(so far)
Ray- a hotheaded 11 year old who uses a striker

Allen- a new blader who loses a lot and uses a Pegasus

Cyrus- a smart blader who uses a pieces and loves to look at data

Kevin- a pro blader and the leader of team Lightning Wings




Thats it for now i will post more chapters and more stories later.
I would like for people to give feedback and if its bad feedback please tell me how to improve on it

i am also taking character requests post using this format please post
Name:
Age:
Appearance:
Personality:
Bey:
Extra:

Thanks for reading

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Cause i'm just one hell of a butler guardian
Retired Beyblader, just a writer on Your Creations section
Want feedback on a story or need a judge? PM me, and I will try to give you tips and help you to the best of my ability.

Woah woah woah there man, who are which characters? Too much dialogue, try describing the setting, or what the characters look like.

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https://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Beyblad...pid1530998

PLEASE READ MY STORY PLEASE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Woah woah woah there man, who are which characters? Too much dialogue, try describing the setting, or what the characters look like.

thanks i will edit please no one else post until i edit

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okay i changed it now please give feedbacks

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Cause i'm just one hell of a butler guardian
Retired Beyblader, just a writer on Your Creations section
Want feedback on a story or need a judge? PM me, and I will try to give you tips and help you to the best of my ability.

its an awesome story but you should separate the dialogue. Also you should explain the story more! add more details to it,and you should probably do a spoiler so the post won't seem too long.

The storyline is great but the dialouge needs a bit of work. Describe as much as you can, the settings, the characters everything. Pretty much what Shirayuki said.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

its an awesome story but you should separate the dialogue. Also you should explain the story more! add more details to it,and you should probably do a spoiler so the post won't seem too long.

The storyline is great but the dialouge needs a bit of work. Describe as much as you can, the settings, the characters everything. Pretty much what Shirayuki said. The storyline is great but the dialouge needs a bit of work. Describe as much as you can, the settings, the characters everything. Pretty much what Shirayuki said.



Thanks guys like i said i was just doing this without giving it much thought so i will use your feedback and work on chapter two

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Cause i'm just one hell of a butler guardian
Retired Beyblader, just a writer on Your Creations section
Want feedback on a story or need a judge? PM me, and I will try to give you tips and help you to the best of my ability.

i like it
it seems like it can become a great story

It has potentional.

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If I'm missing any pages you feel are necessary, pm me a link and I will check it out and give the thread owner, and you in my signature.

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Yes I know I'm missing some mods, I'm to lazy to search for them.

Story
made by SolGloActivatur(or what ever he is now)
Subscribe Here(Non-Beyblade)

Thanks for all the feedback guys i will incorporate it into chapter two
i am still taking character requests so either pm me them or post here

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Cause i'm just one hell of a butler guardian
Retired Beyblader, just a writer on Your Creations section
Want feedback on a story or need a judge? PM me, and I will try to give you tips and help you to the best of my ability.