This. It frustrates me to no end that this story has no reviews, but all of those carp stories have a ton. How?! Are people so blind that up is down, and bad stories are good? This story should have a ton of other posts. [/rant]

Now, a small review:
1. Your characters really have personalities. You did a great job with that.
2. It's not bad, but your story seems a little dialogue heavy, but not a ton. Maybe cut back just a tad?

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

Namely the last two chapters. I felt that some characters hadn't really made an impact on the story. Then next chapter is pretty dialogue heavy, but after that, I'll likely do more describing than anything. (And a monologue or two.)

I get annoyed with no reviews either, i mean look at my senpuujin, it's way better than my old story, but no-ones posted on it, I've started chapter 2, but no-one seems interested in it.

your characters are great, and the concept is alot better than most stories...

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Speaking of which, just read it. All I can say is I'm glad you're on my side in this tournament, I'd hate to face you in a final. Well, I'm close to finishing Chapter 11. You'll see it by Friday.

Holy blood, I'm pretty surprised!

These actually look like decent chapters, unlike pretty much every single story containing those very short and very bad "chapters"

I haven't read a word of it, yet (Very nice title, though) but I just wanted to mention that it looks about 400% more professionnal and good than nearly every story in the 'Your Creations' forum.

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Hah, I guess. I do actually publish my books on my website, so I'd expect them to be professional. The average chapter is 4-5 Word pages, by far the longest chapters I have. I have to break up the dialogue in the first three chapters, I'm doing that now, so if you get confused, that is why.

Whew! Done with Chapters 11-13, and chapters 1-4 are revised!

More edits! Also: a character bio! (Also known as, TEASER!)

Spoiler (Click to View)

Elsi opens the file on Weaver, looking to get some information on what he was doing. If she can't convince him to return, at the very least she could find out how to keep him ALIVE. Besides, it seems that he's gotten himself mixed up in some weird shift of Noise.

Name: Weaver
Age: Unknown- Estimated at 90-110
Description: Short, much like Iin, and has darker skin than most angels. Has four wings instead of two, a symbol of being related to the Forgotten.
Temperament/Personality: Sarcastic due to having no social skills. Tends to get annoyed. Easily excited.

No other data is available. No data can be obtained or observed. Subject is out of range. Last seen-No Data. Relative Location-Nonexistent in this universe. Anomaly caused by Iin Tatsuno. Attempting contact... ERROR.

Large red letters scroll across the screen, denoting the situation's severity.

What? The Database has no "range". Everything in the known universe can be tracked... Unless he no longer exists? No, that is impossible. He HAD to be somewhere. But how would she do anything...if Earth no longer existed because of this Iin person?

Erm... Any suggestions, maybe? I'd largely appreciate any criticism.

I wish I could, but it's hard to criticize someone who's better than you. Grammar and spelling are top notch, but there's not much else I can say

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"Yeah we're all going the same way down. I'm just trying to write it all down." - The Airborne Toxic Event

| Spectrum GFX Team | Beyblade: Redemption | PenPad Forums | Poké-Fusion Lab |

Hooray! This will be in the WBO's Library soon! Anyway, I'm finishing up Chapter 14.

I wish I could, but it's hard to criticize someone who's better than you. Grammar and spelling are top notch, but there's not much else I can say

Ain't that the truth. I can't get anywhere near this many ideas, let alone good ones. Think about how many he rejects, and he still has two or three stories running simultaneously.

Hahah, I see what you did there, Temporal! Creation of another world. I get it! *Nods approvingly* It's funny because it's like Haruhi. And congratulations on getting into the World Beyblade Organization's Library!~♪

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Otaku Space | Signature by Medz | YouTube

I am a genius with powers from out of this world.

you know I would give some suggestions but you're as good as me so not much to say, except keep up the good work!

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Erm... I actually don't know what to say to that. It's more that I never really reject an idea, it's just that I refine them so they work. The stories I do give me quite a few options, so ideas are never an issue. Think of how many anime there are, I can parody nearly anything if I watch it. For now, though, the story's going to get slightly more serious, and I'll have to move away from the parodies and references for about three chapters. Anyways, thanks for the compliments.

On creating a new world: Yup. I was watching Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody when I came up with it. I just needed a way that it could occur. Then I thought of that demon that attacked Iin a few chapters back. I'll explain more in the story, but essentially, the reason none of the angels or Patrons couldn't help is that they're susceptible to a weapon called Noise. Demons are unaffected, and it causes unpredictable changes in humans at the cost of control over these changes. So it's essentially a reversal of Haruhi. Instead of the insane brigade leader being able to change the world based on emotions, it's the whining, cynical, okay-back-up-a-second workhorse who's essentially a ticking timebomb of the end of the world. This is just so much fun!

Yay! Chapter 14 is up!

Wow! That is very descriptive. Keep up the good work.

This is the first story I've read on WBO, and I'm glad it's a good one. I have to admit, I didn't expect the story to be like this when I saw the title. It was surprising how much different it was from the way I had expected it to be based on the title, and I commend your writing ability, Temporal.

My main problem is that it looks like you were just suddenly like "Hm, this story's getting too repetitive. Let's throw in a new character" when you added in Weaver. The story itself just looks like a bunch of ideas thrown together at random, with the plot varying every now and then. I still like the story, I was just pointing out my concern.

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I don't mean to offend anyone with my posts, and I apologize in advance if I ever do.

Witness my endeavors in pokemon splicing (Click to View)

Nah, Weaver was an idea from the beginning. I just didn't know how to execute it. Though does it really look that random? Sure, some of the ideas WERE random, but very litlle of the book was meant to be serious anyway, but if it's an issue, say so. I'll see what I can do.