"Come On! Go Aries!" "CLANG!!" Cam heard a loud crash and rushed over to look through the fence at the bladers battling on the other side. "No! Picses!!" He saw a redheaded kid about his own age run to find his bey, which had been knocked out of the arena by a Rock Aries 145WD, whose owner, a dark haired boy about a year older than Cam was grinning smugly and said, "Haha! That's what you get for challenging me!" Cam was amazed and walked away in a daze.


"Man, I sure wish there was a place I could battle at around here." He said boredly. Then he heard a boy not far away shouting, "Gil! Go now! Special Move: Electric Flight!" "Not so fast, J.T.!" He heard another voice exclaim. "Herculeo, Special Move, Strongest King Barrage!" Cam ran to see what was going on. He turned a corner and saw two bladers about his age battling in an old concrete stadium. The two beys collided one more time, and Cam saw a red bey fly out of the stadium. "Wow, Thomas!" Cam heard the Owner of the Gil, a brown haired boy with a purple jacket named J.T. say, "You really have gotten stronger! Just keep practicing that launch technique I taught you." J.T.smiled. "Yeah, I guess..." A blonde haired boy, obviously Thomas mumbled. "Wait, who's that!?" He pointed at Cam. "Uhh... umm... ya see...i'm Cam... CAN I BATTLE WITH YOU?! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!! I haven't battled since I moved here!!!" Cam explained. J.T. Looked at Thomas and nodded. "Sure you can."

---

"Ok, Ready to go, new guy?" Thomas said excitedly. "Sure, I guess..." Cam mumbled. "3,2,1, Let it rip!" Thomas's Spiral Herculeo D125F circled the stadium aggresively, while Cam's Cyclone Fox WA130WD stayed in the center of the stadium, spinning at a normal pace. "Clang!" Herculeo swooped in from behind, attempting to knock Fox off balance. "Swoosh!" Fox circled around and rammed i to herculeo with its 5 bladed fusion wheel. They both began to circle the stadium until Thomas called out his special move. "Herculeo, Special Move: Strongest King Barrage!"
"Ugh!" Cam called."Fox! Special Move: Double Fangblade!" The two beys were now charging toward eachother at great speed, until they collided in the center of the stadium. "CRASH!!" Smoke filled the arena, until it was revealed that Fox was the only one left. "Wow you guys, that was awesome! Cam, You really got me pumped up to battle!" J.T. exclaimed. " ... Maybe later." Cam told him

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(oh p.s. feel free to post any feedback you might have, for this story is still being worked on. thx) -cdude29)

It's pretty good, though there are a few spelling and grammar mistakes.
You should also format your dialogue like this.
"It's a pillow, it's a pet, it's a pillow pet!" The commercial shouted.
"I swear, next time I see this commercial, I'll break the TV." Bob groaned, changing channels.
Also, make sure to have lots of detail, make your chapters a bit longer, and put them in spoilers.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

I like it! But the story seems a little fst, try to add more details to slow the pace down, but it's still pretty good even though the concept has ben done numerous times.

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6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

As Cam was walking home, a million thoughts ran through his head. One, though especially lingered in his train of thought. ' I've finally made new friends.'

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The next day, Cam raced back to the stadium where he and Thomas had battled the day before. "Awesome! You came back!" He heard J.T. call. "Now will you please battle me?!?!" "Uhh... sure?" Cam said, unsure of himself. "I'll judge, ok?" Thomas told the two bladers. "OK! Ready, Three, Two, One, Let it-" "STOP!!" A voice called. "Stop it right now! This is MY Beypark and no noobs can just walk in here and battle!" It was the boy from before. The dark haired one with the Rock Aries. "What do you mean YOUR Beypark?! This is a public place where bladers can test their heated beyspirits!" Thomas protested. "Spirit?" the boy said, "Bey... Spirit? You're dilusional and as I said, NO NOOBS ALLOWED!! So beat it." That, was apparently the last straw for Thomas, who had started charging for the guy. "Alright, Mr. Selfish, you got a name?" Thomas asked. "Heath." the boy said, and then Cam, J.T., and an outraged Thomas left.

"This is an OUTRAGE! And I won't stand for it!" Thomas yelled while sitting on the couch at J.T.'s house "That Heath guy and his 'This is my beypark, no noobs allowed' attitude. He's the noob!" "Calm down, Thomas!"Cam told him. "We'll get it back, somehow." And he hoped he was right.

You should put all your chapters in the OP, and in spoilers.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

in the what?

The opening its your first post on the thread, its shortened for OP.

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6 God is watching and I hope you're prepared to face him

Well, its all one big story, it's not divided into chapters.

Well then the whole thing should be in a spoiler in the first post.

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“In the course of twenty crowded years, one parts with many illusions. I did not wish to lose the early ones. Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen again.” -Jim Burden (My Ántonia)

Cam, like Thomas, was outraged. He couldn't believe that some guy stomps in to their training ground, calls them noobs, and kicks them out. He didn't care about spirit, or having fun with friends, either. "That's it!" he exclaimed to his friends. "Whats it?" Thomas replied. "Yeah, dude, whats with the spontaneous outburst?" J.T. also replied. "I have a crazy plan." Cam said to J.T. and Thomas. "Okay, here it is, you know how that dude kicked us out, well iv'e seen him before, and he was battling. So, I think we should find him and battle him. As the great master Gingka once said, what started with beyblade is ended with beyblade."

So, the next day, the three friends went back to the bey park and saw the guy from before standing with his back toward them. "Huh?" He turned around to face them. "You dweebs? I thought you left! What do you want?!" He asked. "We... um, we ..." Cam stammered, "We challenge you! If we win, we get the bey park and you leave. If you win, We leave and never bother you again. Deal?" Heath looked shocked, as if Cam talking to him like that was impossible. "Fine." Heath proclaimed. "But after this, you'll be leaving and never coming back again!!" He paused, then whistled. Two young men came running, and soon stopped at his side. One was the redheaded kid he had seen Heath battling a while before. The other was a guy with short brown hair and a smug look on his face. "George, Devin, lets teach these losers a lesson!" Heath told the boys. "Ha! Yeah right, pal." Thomas replied. "You're the one who needs to learn a little." Heath got red in the face. "Not too much strain though, dude." Thomas told him. "Your brain needs all the air it can get. Go, Herculeo!" "Time to show 'em what you got, Fox!" Cam called "Gil!" J.T. yelled. "Graahh!" Heath angrily replied. "Go, Aries!" "Pisces!" "Cetus!" His allies replied. The battle had begun.