[Story] Blood of Desire [Chapter 2]

Chapter 1:


Chapter 2:

yo. use a spoiler.
(Nov. 26, 2014  4:27 PM)Bladerguy2 Wrote: yo. use a spoiler.
There are nicer ways to say that.

Anyway, yes, a spoiler should be used, but now on to the story:

Ok, I'll just put my critisism first, so as not to muddle things up. I saw about three grammar and two spelling mistakes, which, for such a lengthy piece, is not bad at all. Also, the Japanese names and vague plot makes it a bit hard to follow, though perhaps this was simply an intruductory chapter.

But that's really nothing in the grand scheme of things. First of all, your writing style is amazing! Very professional, very eloquent, and it seems like it was pulled from a real novel (perhaps a best selling one at that). Character description is impeccable, the story flows perfectly, and while it's extremely long, it's not too long. Id like to say more, but to avoid being redundant, I'll just say this: Very very nice job and I can't wait for more!
(Nov. 26, 2014  5:38 PM)Dual Wrote:
(Nov. 26, 2014  4:27 PM)Bladerguy2 Wrote: yo. use a spoiler.
There are nicer ways to say that.

Anyway, yes, a spoiler should be used, but now on to the story:

Ok, I'll just put my critisism first, so as not to muddle things up. I saw about three grammar and two spelling mistakes, which, for such a lengthy piece, is not bad at all. Also, the Japanese names and vague plot makes it a bit hard to follow, though perhaps this was simply an intruductory chapter.

But that's really nothing in the grand scheme of things. First of all, your writing style is amazing! Very professional, very eloquent, and it seems like it was pulled from a real novel (perhaps a best selling one at that). Character description is impeccable, the story flows perfectly, and while it's extremely long, it's not too long. Id like to say more, but to avoid being redundant, I'll just say this: Very very nice job and I can't wait for more!
I'll go put it in a spoiler now.

I will try to work on those grammar problems next chapter.

I really really appreciate the wonderful feedback, Dual! It really means a lot to me! I haven't been that good at story writing in the past and recently took more lessons in it. I'm glad it has payed off! Smile

Chapter 2 will be out sometime tomorrow!
Chapter 2: