Story Beyblade Molten Metal

Poll: How's the story

Its great can't wait for the next chapter
16.67%
1
its pretty good
50.00%
3
It's okay.
16.67%
1
You have talent but you need to write a new story
0%
0
you shouldnt be writing
16.67%
1
Total: 100% 6 vote(s)
Chapter 1 part 1: Take flight Phoenix!!
"Rey!! Hurry up with those spare parts!" yelled Tom. "Coming!" I yelled back as I ran downstairs carrying a large box full of all sorts of bey parts. Tom was my boss at our small bey shop. He was an incredible mechanic he could take any bey, launcher, or other blader gear and make them work better than they did when they were brand new!
I had always admired and respected Tom and I always wished that my work could be as great as his. Tom had found me alone in the streets playing with a broken beyblade I found in the trash. Tom watched me as I tinkered with the bey parts until I had finally managed to fix it. "Hey you have a real talent there!" said Tom in his Booming voice. "How about this, you come work for me in my shop and I'll let you live with me!" He said with a big toothed grin. Tom was a large man with a lot of muscle, a short brown beard and short brown hair his weirdest feature was the fact that he had half of one of his eyebrows singed off above his hard black eyes. "I'm going to get lunch!" I shouted to Tom as I walked out the door. I stepped outside into the golden sun and breathed in some fresh air that didn't smell like oil. The wind blew through my spiky black hair as I walked down the street to the local diner my tan skin and dark cloths filthy from working in the workshop. Three really pretty girls walked past me "Hey look its our neighborhood grease monkey" snickered the one in the middle, all of the girls laughed at me I looked down. "Hey leave Rey alone!" shouted a short cute blue-haired girl a few yards away. You could see the seriousness in her large blue eyes as she glared at the girls, but the girls just laughed and walked away. The girl's name was Yoko she was from Tokyo Japan but moved to Phoenix Arizona three years ago because her dad got a job transfer. She wore a pink hoodie with a white shirt that had a rabbit on it and a miniskirt that came came just above her knees. She was also my only friend other than Tom. "Thanks Yoko" I said with a smile. "In return you can treat me to lunch" announced Yoko. "Ok I guess" I replied (Today I'm going to tell him how I really feel about him) Yoko said to herself. After lunch I looked into my wallet with a frown on my face to see that it was empty. "Ok I'm going to go back to work now" I said to Yoko. " Wait!" exclaimed Yoko. "Rey I wanted to tell you.." but she didn't get to finish her sentence as an object fell from the sky and hit me on my head and I blacked out. I woke up hours later in my Bed with Tom and Yoko staring down at me. "You're awake!" shouted Yoko as she hugged me. "Yeah I'mm fine.... what happened?" This fell from the sky and hit your head said Tom handing me a bey with an black twisted fusion wheel and a blue Phoenix energy ring.
End of chapter 1 part 1
There a few mistakes here and there but the story looks decent.

Mistakes
booming- should be lowercase
comma after short brown hair
You shouldn't talk about Yuko's thoughts when it is in first person and ur main character is Rey