(Story) A Bladers Spirit (Chapter 2 realeased!)

Poll: What did you think of it so far

AWSOME
25.00%
1
LOOKING GOOD
0%
0
SEXY!
25.00%
1
Stupid,and is not good
50.00%
2
Total: 100% 4 vote(s)
A Bladers Spirit

Chapter One: What hit my head?


Hello my name is Tyson Defonz. 12 and bit. Recently my Town birmingham was under attack by strange animals that had been blasted from space. Inside the animal was a little spinning top which looked like the heart. Then Suddenly i awaked to hear my alarm buzzing. IT was 9 am i was late for school . Oh no..... i Ran put my clothes on, brushed my teeth, spiked my hair and said bye to mom. i was walking round the corner until something hit my head. A BEYBLADE! everyone had one at school i never had one. It was Rock Leone 145WB wow i never heard this before it suddenly roared and challenged me .
it challenged me a race to school . 3.. 2.. 1.. GO!!!!!! I RAN MY FASTEST onny to be beaten by it speed then suddenly i took a shortcut. i ran into a group of men with masks on. "Oh no we've been compromised"
"DEFEAT HIM, he must not know who we are "

Chapter Two: Defiance to the Masked Marauders!

Suddenly, The 5 Masked men took out their launchers and beys. They all had a Escolpio WD145B and Launched it. i stood their defenceless .My whole life suddenly flashed in my head , whilst 5 beys incoming in my direction. BANG!!!. i was blown back . I stood to my suprise where i was blown by a Lion Gale Force Wall. Rock Leone came to my defence. Suddenly he came to my hand and a Grip Launcher appeared. I put Leone in the launcher and LET IT RIP! it soared across the field and hit the Escolpios and knocked them all out with one powerful blow. I stood amazed by the natural talent of rock leone. The swiftly scrambled their way out of the backstreet ally.
There was note left there. It wrote

[/quote]
If your a real blader and want to be the best come to a Regional Qualifier tourament held by the WBBO. You must have beat your school's bey tourament in order to qualify
[/quote]

I was shook but i had flame in my heart and it beated to go to the tourament, But first i will have to win the school cup, will i win it against daimon the schools best?
ehem you hav taken my story title
Please take that kind of comment to PM. Plus, there are plenty of novels that have the same title - happens all the time.
(Apr. 22, 2012  8:14 PM)nationsbeyblade Wrote: ehem you hav taken my story title

I agree. You stole his story title, and if it were me, I would feel robbed. Plus, this story doesn't have the best grammar. Make sure you start a new line for each quote, and don't forget your punctuation!
He/she can do that, as you used a mentality that is common with beyblade, the bladers spirit. Plus, your story is not a hot thread, he/she may have not seen yours. On the story itself, a pile of grammatical problems need fixing.
Make chapters longer QQ
Isn't blewn blown?
Thanks and yea it is. Im 13 and thats alot of writing for me haha