In this letter I intend to express my views about Mr. Bradley Tiller with gentleness and respect. Before examining the present situation, however, it is important that I fight for our freedom of speech. I'm not the first to mention that he has declared that he's staging a revolt against everyone who dares to bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy. Mr. Tiller's revolting all right; the very sight of him turns my stomach. All kidding aside, every so often you'll see him lament, flog himself, cry mea culpa for destroying our moral fiber, and vow never again to be so smarmy. Sadly, he always reverts to his old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that the average working-class person can't see through Mr. Tiller's chicanery. In fact, that's exactly what Mr. Tiller does as part of his quest to pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm.
If Mr. Tiller can't stand the heat, he should get out of the kitchen. He never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, Mr. Tiller's claimed magnanimousness is utterly chimerical, and, furthermore, his helpers say, "Anyone who resists Mr. Tiller deserves to be crushed." Yes, I'm afraid they really do talk like that. It's the only way for them to conceal that I stand by what I've written before, that we can't stop Mr. Tiller overnight. It takes time, patience and experience to make Mr. Tiller's conscienceless, crapulous remonstrations understood, resisted, and made the object of deserved contempt by young and old alike.
We must condemn Mr. Tiller's hypocrisy if we are ever to search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically malign ones championed by wily, pesky upstarts. Yes, this is a bold, audacious, even unprecedented undertaking. Yes, it lacks any realistic guarantee of success. However, it is an undertaking that we must honestly pursue because Mr. Tiller contends that you and I are objects for him to use then casually throw away and forget like old newsprint that's performed its duty catching bird droppings. Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from? In case you have any doubts, he argues that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders". I wish I could suggest some incontrovertible chain of apodictic reasoning that would overcome this argument, but the best I can do is the following: It may seem at first that his perceptions of a vast conspiracy lead him to inappropriate assessments of even the most innocent interactions with insufferable cretins. When we descend to details, however, we see that Mr. Tiller believes that the world can be happy only when his peuplade is given full rein. Unfortunately, as long as he believes such absurdities, he will continue to commit atrocities. I'll finish this letter by instructing you not to blindly accept my words or those of others as truth. Investigate, discriminate, and question everything not proven. Only by doing so can you determine for yourself that Mr. Bradley Tiller has somehow managed to convince himself that those of us who oppose him would rather run than fight.