Mysterious Blader

Poll: Do you like my story so far?

Yes
40.00%
2
It's ok
40.00%
2
No
20.00%
1
Total: 100% 5 vote(s)
Introduction


It was a crisp autumn night. It was a windy day for Fall. Trash, pop cans, and other things floated through the skies like a ghost. There at that setting lay two kids battling with their beys.

"Go Bull! Take down Leone!!" a chubby boy shouted through the wind.
Earth Bull 145D was trying to get through what seemed like a tornado.

"Take him down Leone! Crush him!" yelled a tall, skinny child.
As the beys were colliding, a man about a few ft. away. He was wearing a black jacket and was somehow unnoticed. The moon casted a shadow on his face. The cheeks were burnt, his mouth with no lips, and his eyes were almost snakelike.
He put on his hood and approached the battling juveniles.
"GO SHOOT! Destroy them Ghouling Reaper!"
As the hooded man said these words, the children looked at him with shocked faces.

" Hey mister! This is our battle! Go find yourself another opponent!" commanded the chubby one.

The hooded man merely laughed and unhooded himself.
The toddlers furious faces turned into terrified faces. It looked like their sould were being sucked right out of them. The man's mouth twitched into a gastly smile.

"Go Reaper! Reaper Soul Assault!" he screamed.
Out of the bey came a purple glowing reaper. The bey kept on violently attacking the victims.

The children started crying and pleading for mercy.
"Please don't!" they yelled.
Suddenly, purple smoke came out of the children's mouth, eyes, and nostrils. Once all the smoke escaped out of them, they collapsed to the ground.

Down in the beystadium Reaper was spinning rapidly over two beys broken into pieces.

As the destructive bey returned to its master, the gastly faced man sneered as the purple smoke entered his bey.

40,000 miles from the violent battle a young boy wakes up, sweating rapidly, looking at his bey, Gravity Perseus.


I hope you liked the introduction of my story! If you don't like it vote on the poll and tell me how I can do better! If you did like it vote on the poll and you can still tell me how to do better!

I will also be taking character requests! Just fill this form out:

Name:
Bey:
Age:
Side: (Good or Bad)
Characteristics:
It's ok. A few spelling mistakes, and the mysterious man seems very like Ryuga from the BeyBlade Series.
What BurnBlader said...
The story is OK... Its just too direct, and everything seems to be mysterious. You must try to introduce your characters properly, as they are extremely important for your story. I suggest you to read Bunnii's Writers Handbook. It'll help you a lot! Smile

Most importantly, DON'T TAKE CHARACTER REQUESTS They'll spoil your story. This thread would get spammed and even your story will not have a good flow.
Name: doom
Bey:Vulcan byxis f:d
Side : unknown
Age15-19
Characteristics: a person who is unknown to most bladers but his bey has a bitter rivarly with reaper and he has a bitter rivalry with the Hooded man.[/align]