Now this is my first story ok so please don't give me a hard time e.g. don't say this is a bad story please

Chapter 0
1000years ago...
"Ha,you will never defeat my Destroyer you weakling" said Emperor Masen Kaktes
"I will not let you defeat me"muttered Zing Xapini.
The air was filled with sparks as two Beyblades clashed with enormous power.
"Go Angel"cried Zing as the Beys clashed again.
The Angel,as the Bey was called was taking a beating from the other Bey called The Destroyer.The BeyBattle would determine the fate of Marple Village.
"Okay,Destroyer use Black Flame Strike!"shouted Emperor Masen.
"Angel use Holy Wings!"shouted Zing.
As the two Beys clashed the energy between the two Beys was so enormous that there was a huge explosion.The stadium fiiled with smoke.
When the smoke cleared,Destroyer was defeated,laying still in the arena and Emperor Masen was nowhere to be seen...
The Present Day
A blader arrived at a Beyblade stadium with a confident smile playing at his lips...

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So what do you think

To be honest with you, I think you'll need some advice on how to properly make a Beyblade story. Plus, don't accept any character requests!

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

need a bit more practise, study the manga and anime a little more closely

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thanks to Blaze12xz for the awesome sig

@ apple1075: You spelled practice wrong

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

Working on chapter 1

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ok

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T.L-Drago could you help me with the story?

I'll see what I can do!

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

Now this is my first story ok so please don't give me a hard time e.g. don't say this is a bad story please

Chapter 0

Once upon a long, long time ago...

"Ha, you will never defeat my Destroyer, you weakling!" shouted Emperor Masen Kaktes

"I will not be defeated," muttered Zing Xapini.

The air was filled with sparks as two Beyblades clashed with enormous power.

"Go Angel," cried Zing as the Beys clashed again.

The Angel, as the Bey was called was taking a beating from the other Bey, The Destroyer. The BeyBattle would determine the fate of Marple Village.

"Okay! Destroyer, use Black Flame Strike!" cried Emperor Masen.

"Angel, use Holy Wings!" shouted Zing.

As the two Beys clashed, the energy between the two Beys was so enormous that it caused a huge explosion. The stadium filled with smoke.

When the smoke cleared, Destroyer had lost, laying still in the stadium centre and Emperor Masen was nowhere to be seen...


The Present Day...

A blader arrived at a BeyBlade stadium with a confident smile playing at his lips...

I edited it the best I could. I hope it helped.

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gfx by daD: sig & avatar

Now this is the real start.Also the Beyblade system on my Bey story is one i have made up so don't expect to see beyblades called something like Storm Pegasus105RF but something like Angel[Power Ring]Arch[Weapon Ring]D:F[Blade Tip]also the blade tip is a spin track and tip stuck together.They also have a face screw.
So the full name of a bey would be Arch Angel D:F.

Chapter 1
Damon Mizuki walked towards the Beystadium with a confident smile playing on his lips.
While he is walking over we get a glimpse of his Bey Arch Angel D:F.
When he got to the Beystadium his rival Allon Makachi was already there.
"Hey,look who's here,it's Damon"said Allon.
"So Allon what's new"said Damon.
"Nothing seeing as you're probably here for a beyblade match"said Allen.
"You bet"said Damon.
They attach their Beys to their launchers.
3...
2...
1...
Let It Rip!
They both launched their Beys at great speed[speaking of which,Allon's Bey is called Dark Dragon R:F]as the beys landed in the stadium,Arch Angel launched the first attack.As Arch Angel smashed into Dark Dragon,Dark Dragon got sent flying by the force of the hit.
Dark Dragon rebounded off the walland smashed into Arch Angel.As the two Beys circled each other around the stadium,Arch Angel suddenly attacked Dark Dragon.Dark Dragon replied with a counter attack and sparks came ofdf the two Beys.
Suddenly Damon ordered the Bey to use it's special move,Holy Flare Strike as the Bey got covered in blue flames.Allon replied by ordering his Bey to use Dark Thunder Smash as his Bey got covered in black electricity.
When the two Beys smashed into each other they rebounded of each other and causing a small explosion in the stadium.When the smoke cleared,neither Bey was spinning.
"That was a good match"said Damon.
"Yeah it was,wasn't it"said Allon.
"See ya tomorrow All"said Damon.
"See ya Damon"said Allon.
When Damon got home,his mother asked him did he have a good day.
"Of course I did"he replied.

The End

P.S.Is this better than chapter 0
P.P.S.I have no intention on studying the manga.

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Thanks Aura only noticed your post now.

Chapter 1
Damon Mizuki walked towards the Beystadium with a confident smile playing on his lips.

While he walked over we got a glimpse of his Bey Arch Angel D:F.
When he got to the Beystadium his rival Allon Makachi was already there.

"Hey, look who's here, it's Damon," said Allon ware of us standing near to him.

"So Allon, what's new?" asked Damon sarcastically.

"Nothing really. Seeing as you're probably here for a beyblade match, lets get right to it," announced Allen.

"You bet'cha," said Damon as enthusiastic as he could.

They attached their Beys to their launchers.
3...
2...
1...
Let It Rip!
They both launched their Beys at great speed. Allon's Bey, Dark Dragon R:F, landed in the stadium first. As the beys circled the stadium, Arch Angel launched the first attack. Arch Angel smashed into Dark Dragon. It got sent flying through the air.

Dark Dragon rebounded off the wall and smashed into Arch Angel. As the two Beys circled each other around the stadium, Arch Angel suddenly decided to attack Dark Dragon. Dark Dragon countered with an attack and sparks came off both Beys.

Suddenly Damon ordered the Bey to use it's special move, Holy Flare Strike. The Bey suddenly burst into got Blue Flames. Allon replied by ordering his Bey to use his special move, Dark Thunder Smash.

His Bey burst into black sparks, shooting out from all over. The two Beys smashed into each other, causing a small explosion in the stadium. It filled with dust and smoke, leaving Damon and Allen gasping for their breath. When the smoke cleared, neither Bey was spinning.

"That was a good match," shouted Damon, still gasping for breath.

"Yeah it was, wasn't it," said Allon.

"See you tomorrow!"

"See you, Damon!"

When Damon got home, his mother asked him: How did his day go?

"Great," he replied with a smirk on his face..

The End

Fixed up Chapter 2 for you.

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gfx by daD: sig & avatar

Aura could you be my co-author?

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I could PM you with the story and you fix it up cause it seems you're better at writing stories than me.

Sure. Why not. I have nothing else to do.

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gfx by daD: sig & avatar

ok.thanks Aura.

Say, I think each chapter should end with the words "Chapter End", rather than simply "The End". I'll fix those up, and they'll look good.

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

Has my changes not been good enough?

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gfx by daD: sig & avatar

It's pretty good, just a minor detail

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

There are a LOT of missing quotations. Aura, you should only help him if he's trying to improve. If not, then you should definitely not write the story for him. It's ok as long as he learns, for now

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Credits to Sparta! Visit Sparta and Coasters'r'us sig shop today for free sigs , all done on time! :D
I'm the dragon type gym leader of the Wi-Fi league!

I know him. I said I would.

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gfx by daD: sig & avatar

scrapped the story going to try to make a fan anime instead.
character requests should be posted here until 31st of december
anybody who knows a good animation thing should post it here as well.

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correction:will scrap beyblade story if i find a good animation maker
also if anybody looks for one,it should be free
i cannot afford one you have to buy.

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wish someone would respond

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Credit to Ryu-X for awesome sig.
DEATH QUETZALCOATL WILL POUND YOU!

i have a character request:
chris fudo
age: 13
bey: nitro quaiza w:b:d
nitro: metal frame is from phantom, core and pc frame is from scythe. 36.5g
quaiza: shaped like horuseus, metallic green. 4g
w:b:d: wide bearing drive. the base of the tip is wider hence WIDE bearing drive. its also twice as heavy as the original b:d. 2.5g

THere's no way he's gonna accept any character requests, bub!

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

sorry face was made by accedent

well, edit the post, and disable smilies.

But still, he's not going to accept character requests!

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"It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens, and in the depths of the emerald seas, and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts, that the world which we see is an outed and visible dream of an inward and invisible reality." - Opening narration, The Thief and the Cobbler (original workprint)

what do you mean i'm not going to accept character requests?
i'm making an anime so i'm going to need characters won't I?

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Credit to Ryu-X for awesome sig.
DEATH QUETZALCOATL WILL POUND YOU!

what do you mean i'm not going to accept character requests?
i'm making an anime so i'm going to need characters won't I?

Can't you make them up yourself? And anyway, it is easier to not do character requests as there will be loads of people wanting their characters in the story and they'll keep on asking you is their character in the story or why hasn't their character made an appearance yet.

ok but i'm only allowing 2 character requests.some other ones will be given minor roles.also chris fudo is accepted.not every character will be acceptded though.so don't bother asking why your character hasn't appeared in my story.

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the post above was written and posted on my psp

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Credit to Ryu-X for awesome sig.
DEATH QUETZALCOATL WILL POUND YOU!