World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Megalater's story: Dain the Blader (Need one good character and 4 bad)

Poll: is this story good

good
30.00%
3
average
50.00%
5
bad
20.00%
2
Total: 100% 10 vote(s)
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Jan. 01, 2011  3:56 AM
 
" 3 2 1 let it rip said Dain as he launched his bey. His opponent a mysterious man wearing a mask had challenged him moments ago now they were battling. Pegasus invisibility cloak said the stranger. suddenly his bey disappeared and struck Dain's leone then Pegasus struck more times and then came back to sight. Dain was worried his burn leone was wobbling and he didn't know when his opponent would strike. Then these words came to him "Leone burning tornado destruction". He said the words and Leone caught on fire and attacked Pegasus then when it was in the air Leone circled the stadium and created a tornado of fire. When the damage was done Leone still spun while Pegasus laid in the field still on fire. Suddenly the stranger said to him " Good job i guess.". Then the stranger took of his mask and he knew who it was.

End of chapter 1

ps you can create can character
Jan. 01, 2011  3:24 PM
 
You have quite an obsession with Deltora Quest (Read them all myself and watched every episode of the anime), but from your avatars, you seem to like the anime more...hmm...

But anyways, you should use proper punctuation like quotes and commas, and grammar like capitalization, etc. It's a decent start, I'll be waiting for the next part.
Jan. 01, 2011  7:10 PM
 
ch 2 Allen
"Allen?!" shouted Dain as he ran over to him. But, i thought you were dead, no you are dead I saw you drown!" said Dain thinking back on the memory. When he and Allen were 9 they were beyblading by the river, but Allen sliped and fell into the river. Dain rushed to get an adult but when he came back he saw Allen not moving underwater. " If you are wondering how im alive this is the story. When I was underwater a man, Ginga was his name, swam from the island and saved me. He also gave me this beyblade" Allen said holding out his Pegasus. Dain and his parents decided Allen could stay for a while. A couple days later Allen and Dain saw this poster for a tournament it said " Saphire city doubles tournament two on Two next monday" Well we better get practicing." said Allen with a smile.
Jan. 02, 2011  4:51 PM
 
Don't forget to capitalize your I's and place your commas correctly! But your writing style has gotten much better.
Jan. 02, 2011  10:42 PM
 
chapter3 the tournament

Dain and Allen walked down the sunny road to the Saphire city bey arena. They trained and prepared since they saw the poster last week. Finally Dain and Allen reached the entrance to the arena. " Are you ready" Dain asked Allen. "Oh yeah" Allen replied. They were amased when they entered the Arena. The arena was huge the stands were packed with people and in the center there was a model of a Takara Tomy attack stadium like they had back home, but this one was huge. " Lets start blading!" Blader DJ said. Allen and Dain blew through the tournament until they reached the final round. First match in the finals was Allen vs a girl named Kelly her bey was Earth Aquario ed145RSF. "Let the match begin" said blader DJ. 3 2 1 Let it Rip. The beys launched into the stadium, Pegisus attack Aquario furiosly but it wouldnt budge. "What denfensive strength," thought Allen " How will I defeat it." " Attack its underside" Allen finally said "Nope you cant do that" said Kelly Pegasus hit Aquario's spin track but it didn't affect it. " Its called an eternal defense spin track you cant hit its underside," the Kelly said cheerfully. " Use the special move" Allen heard the man Ginga say in his head. " Pegasus meteor blast attack" Allen said. Pegasus disapeared and suddenly flew down from the sky like ametor and smashed into Aquario and knocked it out of the stadium.
" My brother wont be so easy to beat." Kelly said[/align]
Jan. 03, 2011  12:59 AM
 
can i put in a character?
Name: Christian
Bey:Thermal Eagle C145 MHF(MetalHoleFlat)
Special move:Invisible Diving Steel Wing Smash: Eagle makes a copy of it self and it's opponent is distracted while the real one dives from above and attacks
Characteristics: Smiles a lot and talks a little and helps a lot too. He has black spikey hair and is dressed like ginga only in all black
Jan. 03, 2011  1:06 AM
 
christan well be in the next chapter
Jan. 03, 2011  1:08 AM
 
SWeet tnx dude! 1 question... when's the nxt chapter??...





(P.S. awesome series)
Jan. 03, 2011  1:13 AM
 
probly later today or tommarow
Jan. 03, 2011  1:18 AM
 
alright so pumped
Jan. 03, 2011  1:30 AM
 
Ch4 explosive battle christan vs Dain

" Next battle Christan vs Dain" said Blader DJ overenthusiasticly. "This battle is going to be so fun." Christan shouted. 3 2 1 Let it rip. Chrisstans threarmal eagle spun around the stadium as fast as it could creating gust of wind. "oh dang," Dain thought silently " know i wont be able to summon fire, this kid is smart. " Not going to do any thing" christopher said "I better finish this invisable diving metal wing smash" Eagle turned into two eagles and leone attacked one of them. Leone went strait through one and then the other attacked him. suddenly ten eagles appeared 9 circled leone and attacked him while the 10th circled the stadium and created wind so Burn Leone could not summon fire. this went on for a couple of minutes until somthing stired inside of Dain. Dain shouted" You will not defeat me, my bey spirit wont alow it!". Then a blast of pure red energy shot out of leone distroying the eagle clones then he attacked the real eagle sending it flying out of the stadium. Dain has won!
Jan. 03, 2011  7:27 PM
 
aaaww too bad i lost. awesome chapter ...lots of action!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan. 04, 2011  1:33 AM
 
i need more characrters 1 more good guy and alot of bad guys please help
Jan. 04, 2011  2:59 AM
 
I'll giv u a good guy...Christian!!!!!! unless he's already a good guy
Jan. 04, 2011  9:39 PM
 
(Jan. 04, 2011  2:59 AM)SupersonicLibra Wrote: I'll giv u a good guy...Christian!!!!!! unless he's already a good guy

yeah he already is...
Jan. 05, 2011  12:36 AM
 
OOOOOOOOHHHHHH k i'll give u one right after i fin my homework
Jan. 05, 2011  12:57 AM
 
name:kevin hagata
bio:a nice,caring,and protective(of his friends but excepically of his bey he will not even let someone touch it) 12 year old boy who's bey contains a terrifing power(it a good power but it is very terrifying because it is so strong)he wears black jeans,black shirt with a pegasis symbol HE IS A GOOD GUY
bey:shooting star pegasis(the second clear wheel version)aw85r2f
special move:shooting star overdrive
the bey goes around the oppenent in a circle and gets covered in a black energy that has little specks of sliver that looks like stars and the track gets covered in black fire and hits them six times from all sides but on the 6th hit my bey hits the spin track and send them flying upward then pegasis jumps up smashs them down to the ground and then pegasis goes straghit down and the metal wheel and track hits the face bolt
.aw85 stands for attack wings 85 so its pretty much uw145(killer beafowls track) except the track height is lowered and the sides of the have spikes on them also it is made of metal.also the wings on the track come right to the end of the metal wheel and on my command and during my special move the wings get covered with black fire .the metal wheel is pretty much vulcan except each of the wings has 3 slighty curved spikes and in bewteen the spaces of the spikes about 3 millimeters below that space are slighty curved spikes that are set the exact oppsite way.lastly during battle pegasis can swich from left spin to right spin.
beyblade bio:has tremdously super amazing smash attack and aw85 shreds anything that touchs it(except for me and my friends)
Jan. 27, 2011  1:43 AM
 
Character name: Joseph Xavier
Bey: Manslayer Batousai SA145F
Bio: 11-Year old kid who acts cool. He wants to break other Beys to make himself look cooler. Also likes to relaunch his Bey after he loses (has a tantrum). Has a pretty cool looking special move (but its not just for show!). Likes red.
Special move: Darkness Devouring
The Bey strikes the opponents Bey head on and a dark sphere engulfs the opponents Bey. The opponents Bey then spontaneously rises up (approx 500 meters) andthe sphere explodes. The other Bey then falls down and usually has extremely low balance and spin so he can finish the opponent off himself.
SA145: Super Attack 145 is like H145(American) but with four slanted fans for upper attacks.
Feb. 04, 2011  3:12 AM
 
"And Dain and Allen win!" screamed Blader DJ. Dain went over to Christian and shook his hand with a broad smile on his face. "Your an astounding blader Dain" said Christian. Allen came over took shake Christian's hand while Kate looked at him with burning hatred. " The runners up will receive a new grip rubber for their launchers" Blader DJ said as loud as always. Christian walked up to the stage and got a unusual see-through grip and Kate got a lime green grip to match her Aquario's clear wheel. " Now for the first place winners" said Blader DJ " They will receive a grip rubber, a new grip launcher, a super parts package, and finally a new portable attack stadium." Blader DJ added. Allen got a white launcher with a blue bey launcher and a blue grip rubber. Dain got a white launcher with a magenta bey launcher and grip. Dain and Allen went to the restaurant outside the Sapphire City bey coliseum. Dain saw the performance tip he has wanted for two years in the super parts package, RSF, he quickly screwed it on his Burn Leone and put his old Sf in the package. " Burn Leone 125RSF" Shouted Dain " You think that is something? well it also comes with the brand new R3f tip and a Mf-h" Suddenly 3 people entered the restaurant
Feb. 04, 2011  3:13 AM
 
i have a charecter,

name:sam
persinalaty:very happy hates losing and has a gaol to defeat Dain
bey:burnleone 90 wd[my actual favorut bey]
bio:has had a hard life, always runnig away.and his parents never cared about him.
special move:leone fire ringer creates a vaccume when circling the stadium,and jumps into the air lands on the top[like pegisis starblast attak],then when the vaccume effect stops leone has fire all around it and hits the other bey at full force.
charicter style:exactly like kuyoyu exept red and black with the leone face colord red on his coat.

also is called the tiger[please use this name in your story]

p.s. ry for sortuve steling your bey i just always liked that custamization it always beat other peoples beys.
Feb. 04, 2011  3:30 AM
 
(Feb. 04, 2011  3:13 AM)leone=best Wrote: i have a charecter,

name:sam
persinalaty:very happy hates losing and has a gaol to defeat Dain
bey:burnleone 90 wd[my actual favorut bey]
bio:has had a hard life, always runnig away.and his parents never cared about him.
special move:leone fire ringer creates a vaccume when circling the stadium,and jumps into the air lands on the top[like pegisis starblast attak],then when the vaccume effect stops leone has fire all around it and hits the other bey at full force.
charicter style:exactly like kuyoyu exept red and black with the leone face colord red on his coat.

also is called the tiger[please use this name in your story]

p.s. ry for sortuve steling your bey i just always liked that custamization it always beat other peoples beys.

Its okay man ill put u in the next chapter
Feb. 04, 2011  4:05 AM
 
Cool!!! Good story.
Feb. 05, 2011  2:27 AM
 
awsome im so like exited also i forgot to put bey description
red leone clear wheel,burn wheell is red, the face is a red leone face,the track is clear-red and the tip is clear-ice-blue also has wind up track that allows it an extra 30sec of battle time[its ok if it looses please make t exiting.]
Feb. 05, 2011  5:46 AM
 
yay! I thought the story had died
Feb. 05, 2011  6:15 AM
 
character request....

name: tristan

personality: a kid with an average heart,tristan always fight for honor,and wants to be the best

bey: angelic apollo ph155rf, has a symbol of a bird,the clear wheel is gold, the metal wheel is silver, and its track has some claw-like structure.

special move: titanic bazooka,a move which makes apollo glow gold, and its claws moves like its punching the opponent bey. another one is galaxy revolver, which makes apollo's metal wheel glow blue, then it goes lower, hitting the track of the opponent bey , then circles around it, doing tons and tons of damage to the track.


character style: exactly like ginga(or ginka?)but with a red jacket,red pants, no scarf, and has sora's hair,which is color red
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