Focal Point [ A Beyblade Fan Fiction ]

Note about this story, It assumes the BBA and all that jazz exists. But there are still mock examples of the original Beyblades made of plastic. Also that anything past the first season of the original series never happened~

Feel's a little short to me. [Image: 200183.png]

Oh well, Enjoy! And If you have any constructive criticism feel free to post that as well.
Also, random story title is random.

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Chapter 1 (Click to View)
it's a nice story dude keep it up
Thanks a lot~ I'll hopefully write a longer chapter 2 tomorrow still linking ideas in my head though.
(May. 21, 2011  7:53 AM)Damon Wrote: Chapter 1

Glad to see this. Your story lifted my mood because it's actually good! You have great fluency, good description, and a nice balance of dialogue.

The only suggestion I would make is character development. We as readers want to get a feel for what your characters personalities are. Is he witty? Dry? Sarcastic? Silent? Sad? These are constants you do not want to change in your story unless it is part of your plot.

I'm so glad I saw this. This brightened my day.