[Fan Fiction]  Beyblade burst: Tri layer

okay. so ive decided to make my OWN fan fiction. im going to try to post when i can. and hopefully it wont suck?
okay thank you for reading and i would also like a cheeto rating if possible. or whatever its called.

oh wow thats reallly short i need to make a longer chapter later.
bump so peoepl can read.

i will try to make a new chapter today.
You really want a rating on this one? Okay I guess, but it's gonna be super low as it's heavily affected by how short the chapter is.

Plot: 1/5. No offense, not at all, but there's hardly any plot aside from 'Sally makes a Bey. Random breaks the Bey.'
Dialogue: Again, 1/5. There's literally just four lines, and they convey almost nothing.
Characterization: 1.5/5. We know next to nothing about the characters here. Who is Sally? How does she look like? How does she act in and out of battles? All I could get from the two lines said in the chapter is that Sally is a somewhat short-tempered character, and that's me speculating for the most part. The other person is literally nameless and was only there to say two sentences. Is he supposed to be a rival or something? I sure hope not.
Grammar: 3.5/5. There are a couple noticeable errors here and there, not too much but still there.
Battle: 2/5. Sally got oneshot without using any moves or any indication of a clash between Sphinx and Kerbeus, and that was all. It doesn't even count as a battle to be honest.

Overall: 9/25. You still have a lot to learn, so I suggest you try reading other stories, then taking time to figure out the general plotline of your own story, then making more detailed characters and Beys, and after that you could try your hand at it again. Because as the fic stands right now, it leaves a lot to be desired.
(Apr. 20, 2021  9:38 PM)PinkRose Wrote: You really want a rating on this one? Okay I guess, but it's gonna be super low as it's heavily affected by how short the chapter is.

Plot: 1/5. No offense, not at all, but there's hardly any plot aside from 'Sally makes a Bey. Random breaks the Bey.'
Dialogue: Again, 1/5. There's literally just four lines, and they convey almost nothing.
Characterization: 1.5/5. We know next to nothing about the characters here. Who is Sally? How does she look like? How does she act in and out of battles? All I could get from the two lines said in the chapter is that Sally is a somewhat short-tempered character, and that's me speculating for the most part. The other person is literally nameless and was only there to say two sentences. Is he supposed to be a rival or something? I sure hope not.
Grammar: 3.5/5. There are a couple noticeable errors here and there, not too much but still there.
Battle: 2/5. Sally got oneshot without using any moves or any indication of a clash between Sphinx and Kerbeus, and that was all. It doesn't even count as a battle to be honest.

Overall: 9/25. You still have a lot to learn, so I suggest you try reading other stories, then taking time to figure out the general plotline of your own story, then making more detailed characters and Beys, and after that you could try your hand at it again. Because as the fic stands right now, it leaves a lot to be desired.

I’m with pink rose on this one