ACTION. DRAMA. SUSPENCE. Chronicles Of Justice.

Yes this is the story formally known as Justice Quest. Filming came to a halt after friends and even FAMILY let me down horribly. But the story version is still on the cards. Ive gone into such detail on my planning for this story that its scary. I'll create another topic after doing this one for the artwork ive done for 5 of my 6 main characters.

But i'll use it for updating progress and also snipits from the story.

ENJOY THE TEASER! ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laurence is a 17 year old under achieving student at C.H.A.O.S (Cultivating Harkukuen Academy Of Sentra). Life is so-so at the academy, where the kung-fu superpower style of Harkukuen is studied. But the rest of Sentra has been seeing some weird and unusual events as of late. Unauthorized chemical testing? A reported estimate of around 30 people going missing a day?
One day along with fellow room mate and under achiever Jordy, he is sent on a mission to seek for the grand master, where they will partake in a grueling one week program to whip them into shape for the upcoming C.H.A.O.S graduation exam. With bags packed, they leave the city, trekking in search for the legendary grand master.

Sweating and exhaling noisily, Laurence turned round towards the beautiful landscape of Sentra. He threw his oversized rucksack to the uncut green grass and sat down, letting out an over exaggerated exhale to grab Jordy’s attention.

“What are you doing? We’ve only just left Sentra. Get u--” Before Jordy could finish his sentence an ear shattering boom forced him to the ground. Without anytime to think or act he covered his eyes from a blinding purple light that shot all around. Within what felt like long minutes, but most of only been ten seconds Laurence and Jordy stumbled to their feet, their sight unaffected. Without looking at each other they stared towards Sentra. Or at least what was left of it. The city was in pieces. A monstrous dark purple mushroom cloud filled the sky.

How many innocent lives have just been lost? What’s the meaning of the cities recent misfortune? What will become of Sentra? Will they make it to the grand master?



Chronicles Of Justice

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Please dont let the pencil colouring put you off. im working on photoshopped versions as we speak. But i coloured them in to give myself an idea of what they'd look like.

Laurence/Knux
[Image: laurencecoloured.jpg]

Jordy/Blitz
[Image: blitzcoloured.jpg]

Matthew/Pyro
[Image: pyrocoloured.jpg]

Rachael/Myst
[Image: mystcoloured.jpg]

Chris/Frost
[Image: frostcoloured.jpg]

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I'm not sure why you thought this deserved two threads, but I've merged them together.

Also, in my honest opinion neither the writing nor artwork are very good ...

Is this going to be a manga or something? If it isn't and it is going to rely on its text to carry the story then I would definitely advice going over your writing and comb it very carefully. Or you could get a beta reader (make sure (s)he is a good one) and just make sure there are no spelling/grammar/tense issues. The basic premise of the story sounds a little bit used up but it's still interesting and with some good writing it could be fun to read. I don't have much to say about the art since you said you'll have a better product soon.

I'm not sure why you thought this deserved two threads, but I've merged them together.

Also, in my honest opinion neither the writing nor artwork are very good ...

One is artwork, one is writing. They're completely different. Why is that not a reason to have two seperate topics?

Your always trying to dig at me. Get a life.

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Your always trying to dig at me. Get a life.

Whoa whoa.

Last I checked the reason people post in this part of the board is to have their work critiqued.

I didn't see anything offensive about what Brad said. Sure he could've presented it a little more constructively, but still, criticism is criticism.

ANYWAY!

I agree with the other posters. I think the premise is a little overdone, but you have a unique style so I trust that you can come up with some way to keep it fresh. I also think the writing needs work, mostly in the coherence department. I realize the little piece of writing you provided is just a teaser, but its all we have to go on at the moment.

I won't comment on the art right now, since you have more complete versions coming.

If you don't mind me asking, what happened to stop the filming of Justice Quest? I never got to see any of what you had filmed, but I remember hearing about it back on Fun City.

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I'm not sure why you thought this deserved two threads, but I've merged them together.

Also, in my honest opinion neither the writing nor artwork are very good ...

One is artwork, one is writing. They're completely different. Why is that not a reason to have two seperate topics?

Your always trying to dig at me. Get a life.

Because they're part of the same project. One is writing a story, the other is drawing the characters in that story. This is one topic.

As for trying to take a dig at you, I don't even really recall who you are. However, the writing and the artwork are both not incredible. Just because I don't think you're the next big thing doesn't mean I need to get a life.

I'm not sure why you thought this deserved two threads, but I've merged them together.

Also, in my honest opinion neither the writing nor artwork are very good ...

One is artwork, one is writing. They're completely different. Why is that not a reason to have two seperate topics?

Your always trying to dig at me. Get a life.

Because they're part of the same project. One is writing a story, the other is drawing the characters in that story. This is one topic.

As for trying to take a dig at you, I don't even really recall who you are. However, the writing and the artwork are both not incredible. Just because I don't think you're the next big thing doesn't mean I need to get a life.

I didnt say that. I respect your opinion. But i notice you digging at people here all the time. Find something else to vent your frustrations towards.

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Seems like you're the one taking a dig at me.

Also, in my honest opinion neither the writing nor artwork are very good ...

Your always trying to dig at me.

As for trying to take a dig at you, I don't even really recall who you are. However, the writing and the artwork are both not incredible.

I don't see a rules sticky in the creation board, but it might be an idea for anyone who sees this to consider asking people not to criticize if you can't hear the criticism. That said, Brad probably should have said something more constructive, but thats only convention (and on some level etiquette), and since there are no actual rules in this board (?)(Your Creations) as far as I see, there should really be no problem here.

Wait, i didnt say that because of his opinion. It was the way he said "I dont know why you thought this deserved two topics" I found that a bit rude to be honest. I already said, I respect his opinion.

Your always trying to dig at me. Get a life.

Whoa whoa.

Last I checked the reason people post in this part of the board is to have their work critiqued.

I didn't see anything offensive about what Brad said. Sure he could've presented it a little more constructively, but still, criticism is criticism.

ANYWAY!

I agree with the other posters. I think the premise is a little overdone, but you have a unique style so I trust that you can come up with some way to keep it fresh. I also think the writing needs work, mostly in the coherence department. I realize the little piece of writing you provided is just a teaser, but its all we have to go on at the moment.

I won't comment on the art right now, since you have more complete versions coming.

If you don't mind me asking, what happened to stop the filming of Justice Quest? I never got to see any of what you had filmed, but I remember hearing about it back on Fun City.

Yeah, it doesnt explain too much. But i plan to have alot of plot twists and storylines which i couldnt add to the teaser.
As for the writing, what i was thinking of doing was writing my version, then getting a better writer to tune it up and do whats needed to it.
With the filming with Justice Quest i couldnt continue it because my friends were unreliable. My friends were my cast and crew, and without them i was stuck. But once i start university i'll have the resources and hopefully more reliable people to help me get something done. Maybe even a short film.

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As far as your work is concerned, I'm not a writer so I'll leave that for now. After looking over your drawings a few times I think they have merit. I like the outfits, they're interesting and different enough from one another to make up for the fact that the colours are the same (I'm assuming its a uniform or something, otherwise I think if theres no reason to have the same colours they should obviously be changed). In the way of atire, a few things:

Knux's belt(? bandana? Venusian blind cover?) is ugly and physically impossible (too thin in middle and wide on either end).

Blitz has a hole in his jeans, and an eye in on... his sock. It doesn't really match his attitude from what I get from the rest of the picture. Of course I don't know the character or anything, but its going to be a pain to draw in different poses if you ever end up doing so and it looks messy.

As far as the characters are concerned, they all seem to have the same face (including the girl) and thats just no good. Practice drawing large versions of their faces and come back to drawing the smaller versions. Look online for pictures of people from different races. I'm not sure whether you were going for a manga/anime aesthetic but remember that people from different races (and GENDERS) SHOULD look different enough to tell they are different races even at the lineart stage.

A few other things:

Love Blitz's jacket; the shoulder is wrong though

Arrows don't stand on thumbs or any digits, but use an index finger if you want Frost to look dexterous

Knuxs' pants make no sense if they're supposed to be symmetrical (examine the rotation of his legs)

Breasts don't work like that in sweaters

Pyro has no knees and his cane makes me want to help him across the street: change it (black and red?)

I'll work on a red-line for you later if you want. Keep creating.

Sorry, when I said that it didn't deserve two topics I just meant that most other users have single topics for their works. It wasn't meant to be a backhanded critique of the work itself.

(I'm assuming its a uniform or something, otherwise I think if theres no reason to have the same colours they should obviously be changed).

Yep, Its meant to Be a uniform. It was real basic colouring though to give me an idea before i began photoshopping

Knux's belt(? bandana? Venusian blind cover?) is ugly and physically impossible (too thin in middle and wide on either end).

Its meant to be two bandanas in his back pocket. But i wanted it to look cool, if its coming across as ugly i'll remove it.

As far as the characters are concerned, they all seem to have the same face (including the girl) and thats just no good. Practice drawing large versions of their faces and come back to drawing the smaller versions. Look online for pictures of people from different races. I'm not sure whether you were going for a manga/anime aesthetic but remember that people from different races (and GENDERS) SHOULD look different enough to tell they are different races even at the lineart stage.

Thats a problem i have. Drawing faces. But when i get time i'll be practising.

Love Blitz's jacket

Why thank you =D

Arrows don't stand on thumbs or any digits, but use an index finger if you want Frost to look dexterous

Frost has the ability to creat ice, and in the picture he is using that ability to creat an arrow.

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Sorry, when I said that it didn't deserve two topics I just meant that most other users have single topics for their works. It wasn't meant to be a backhanded critique of the work itself.

Ok man. Sorry too for snapping at you.

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Off topic but: Who is the character in your sig, Knux?

Ikki, the main character from Air Gear.

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Its meant to be two bandanas in his back pocket. But i wanted it to look cool, if its coming across as ugly i'll remove it.

Don't make a mistake I've made so many times before: you shouldn't have to compromise the image because someone can't see it! Maybe its just me, now, but the main issue in my opinion is it looks like an extension of the belt. Try to find a way to work around that, and keep practicing until you can show it to anyone and they'll infallibly see what you want them to do. The important part is not to change a design just because you can't seem to get it quite right

Frost has the ability to creat ice, and in the picture he is using that ability to creat an arrow.

Ah, well that explains the geometric properties at work there, too, then. It might be worth your time to draw some magic at work here to clarify this, but you might also want to employ this in the digital phase.