crystalmw2noob's explanation is actually incorrect, he made a run-on sentence with comma errors, my weakness is in using commas so ask the others (Sparta, Temporal, etc.)

Yeah Ik

(Sparta, Temporal, etc.)

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Sorry, enough facebook.

Chapter 4 preview-EDITED.

Spoiler (Click to View)

“M-M-Mom?” I asked, shaking and confused. I started to look around, the little boy bawling his eyes out, crying. Right next to him was his dad, blood all around him. I saw something that caught my eye, a beyblade.
Burn Striker ED145WD. Still spinning. My fists clenched.
“Mom how could you? What did he ever do to you?” I screamed, tears coming down my cheeks. My mom took one step closer to me, and I took one step back. No, this couldn't be. She looked straight into my eyes, two pearls boring into my skull.
“I’m sorry," She started, shaking her head, "This is my..”
My face hardened, "My what?” I was torn between my loyalty to her and what had just happened. It was too unreal.
“My job" She finished, "Look...I’m sorry, dear” And with that, she walked over to the man, scooped up her beyblade, and disappeared into a beam of smoke.

Fixed it up a bit. Some spelling and grammar errors.

I'm tired, and definitely not my best work. It should suffice though (Too choppy for my standard...yuk...)

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

(Sparta, Temporal, etc.)

Izuma Inzori tagged you in a post
Press "OK" to reply.

Sorry, enough facebook.

Chapter 4 preview-EDITED.

Spoiler (Click to View)

“M-M-Mom?” I asked, shaking and confused. I started to look around, the little boy bawling his eyes out, crying. Right next to him was his dad, blood all around him. I saw something that caught my eye, a beyblade.
Burn Striker ED145WD. Still spinning. My fists clenched.
“Mom how could you? What did he ever do to you?” I screamed, tears coming down my cheeks. My mom took one step closer to me, and I took one step back. No, this couldn't be. She looked straight into my eyes, two pearls boring into my skull.
“I’m sorry," She started, shaking her head, "This is my..”
My face hardened, "My what?” I was torn between my loyalty to her and what had just happened. It was too unreal.
“My job" She finished, "Look...I’m sorry, dear” And with that, she walked over to the man, scooped up her beyblade, and disappeared into a beam of smoke.

Fixed it up a bit. Some spelling and grammar errors.

I'm tired, and definitely not my best work. It should suffice though (Too choppy for my standard...yuk...)

Thanks. I'm desperate of learning more vocabulary words now.

A new story title: Outraging Darkness.

Sounds really catchy, keep it up just fix what we mentioned earlier

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||Avatar is a gift not my own work||
||DeviantArt||

Sounds really catchy, keep it up just fix what we mentioned earlier

I was about to do Devouring Darkness and got stuck with Outraging Darkness. Forgot about that.

Chapter 4 is out!!!

Spoiler (Click to View)

“M-M-Mom?” I asked, shaking and confused. I started to look around, the little boy bawling his eyes out, crying. Right next to him was his dad, blood all around him. I saw something that caught my eye, a beyblade.
Burn Striker ED145WD. Still spinning. My fists clenched.
“Mom how could you? What did he ever do to you?” I screamed, tears coming down my cheeks. My mom took one step closer to me, and I took one step back. No, this couldn't be. She looked straight into my eyes, two pearls boring into my skull.
“I’m sorry," She started, shaking her head, "This is my..”
My face hardened, "My what?” I was torn between my loyalty to her and what had just happened. It was too unreal.
“My job" She finished, "Look...I’m sorry, dear” And with that, she walked over to the man, scooped up her beyblade, and disappeared into a beam of smoke.
I asked the little boy, “Are you okay?”
He nodded.
“Come on I’ll call for help”, I said pulling out my phone. I dialed 9-1-1. I talked to this lady, gave her the address or where we are, and waited for the ambulance truck. As they arrived on the scene, they asked two questions like “Did you see it happen? Do you know what caused him to die?”
I answered both questions,”No I didn’t see it happen, but his son did. Yes I do know what caused him to die. It was a beyblade.
A few hours later the little boy came out of the hospital. He walked to me.
“I asked, “Is he okay?”
He replied,” Yes he is, but he needs to stay in the hospital for about a few days.
I asked him,” Where do you live, and what is your name?”
He said,” I live right around the corner, and my name is John. I’m 5 years old.”
I took John by the hand and led him home to his mom. He rang the doorbell. The door opened, his mom was looking at him and then to me.
“Hi how are you?”, John’s mom said.
“Hi I’m doing good and I took your son back here from the hospital. It’s a long story.”,I replied
“Well it’s getting late for me and I should get home.” , I said shocked with the time.
I then left the house and started thinking about where I should stay. I called my dad earlier about my mom. So I think they started packing to leave somewhere. I told my dad that I am not living with them anymore. I am just going to stay at Megan’s house until something good happens. I arrived at Megan’s house, and rang the doorbell. The door opened with Megan holding a bowl of cereal and milk.
“Jennifer?”, she asked.
I replied, “Yeah it’s me.”
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s a long story. I’m wondering about staying at your house for the next few months, or like forever.”
“Well come in”. I walked into the big living room with the fireplace on the right, a fan in the middle, and a set of beyblades sitting in the corner. I went to look for her parents, and found them sitting eating a bowl of popcorn, and there eyes on the TV.
“Hi”,I said.
“Oh hello dear”, they replied.
“Mrs. Pat and Mr. Pat I’m wondering of I can stay here for a while?”
“Sure dear.”
“Okay thanks!” I followed Megan to her room, and when I got there I took at my homework. I started doing it, and it turns out it was quite easy. I finished my homework 25 minutes later. Then, I decided to tell her the story about my mom, and I told her to promise not to tell anyone. She then told me a secret.
“Jennifer promise not to tell anyone”, she told me, looking me into the eye.
“I promise”, I said, looking straight into her eye.
“Okay well I-I-I am not normal. My parents and I came from a different planet that provides life. We went to Earth because there was one family that wanted to trade me for their daughter. They bothered our family every single day. We got to Earth in a portal. We also speak a different language. My parents and I got the hang of the language: English. We got news from the other planet one day that the family is on Earth right now. They are trying to find my family.”
“Wow”, I said.
She said, “I’m not very good with beyblades. Then, I found you. You are a strong blader. So are the family. By the way, the planet is called Degunda. The language is called Culfyne. I need you to train me. Will you help?”
“Sure I’ll help!”, I exclaimed.

iffy, but good, mainly dialogue but still good, try to give more description next time

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||Avatar is a gift not my own work||
||DeviantArt||

BUMPP!! Working on Chapter 5 for all those who are reading this

Wait, what happened to Chapter 5?

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"In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends. Last night, I experienced something new: an extraordinary meal from a singularly unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions about fine cooking is a gross understatement. They have rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto, "Anyone can cook." But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist; but a great artist can come from anywhere."

-Anton Ego/Peter O'Toole (1932-2013)

Wait, what happened to Chapter 5?

OOPS..sorry i mean Chapter5 i'll edit it

Chapter 5 Part 1 is out today!


Chapter 5 Part 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

“But you have to teach me the Culfyne language” ,I said.
“Oh fine. But it might be really weird”, Megan said back.
Megan added,”Here is the word:I in the Culfyne language. Say “Epgca”.
“Epga?”
“No. Say it again.”
“It again”,I said laughing. She shot me an angry face.
“Okay fine.”, I said. “Epgca?”
“Yes. Good job!”, Megan said.

Thirty minutes later, I learned 2 sentences in the Culfyne language. It was “I want to battle you” and “3, 2, 1, Let It Rip!”. Here let me say it in the Culfyne language. Here was “I want to battle you”: Epgca zcofep zacoe fudwa crazfar. Here was “3, 2, 1, Let It Rip”:Blanyci uwcoe ihicarx giotkmfe. It seemed really hard at first, but then I got the hang of it. Megan and I slept at 11:00. We woke up at 7:00 to get ready for school.
“This is going to be a boring school day. Wanna ditch?”, Megan said.
“But what about your parents?”,I asked.
“They are not home.”
“Well okay then.”
We then left the house, and began to think of where to go.
“Wanna go to Target to check on some new beyblades. Then we can customize your L-Drago and Rock Wolf 105WD. We walked and walked until we got to Target. Megan and I looked at each other and nodded. We walked through the sliding doors. The beyblade area was around the sliding doors.
“So many good beyblades”, I said to Megan as I was looking at the beyblades. There were Twisted Tempo, Rock Zurafa, Rock Aries, and Thermal Pisces.
“Well Twisted Tempo is heavy so it can knock the opponent back. Rock Zurafa can absorb hits with its spin track and has a nice fusion wheel and performance tip. Rock Aries has a spin track that can block the opponent’s attack. Last but not least, Thermal Pisces. He has great stamina. Which one should I pick Megan?” I said pulling a wad of money out of my jeans.
“I would say Rock Zurafa because the performance tip is like Leone’s and the spin track is pretty neat.” Megan said back at me.
“Well okay then.”, I said picking Rock Zurafa off the shelf. I bought Rock Zurafa and opened it on the way back. I threw the package away in a bin nearby. Megan and I examined it. But then, we bumped into a strong family.
“Oh no.”, Megan said.

you need to improve on punctuation and grammar, like when you said:“Come on guys” , let’s go before we are going to be late for class, it should have been:“Come on guys, let’s go, we are going to be late for class." spelling seems fine so far though.

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Current Bey: Basalt Bull DF145SD.
My Dragons:

Spoiler (Click to View)

Please Click Kiri
Current Story: Beyblade: The Ultimate War
Beyblade:The Ultimate War
If you want to See All My Creations, go here:chaos-0-vain on deviantart

Okay thanks

when is chapter 5 part 2 coming

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Focus made this awesome Sig!!

I hope soon.. I'll probably post it tomorrow or Monday.

When is part two coming. I have read your story a few times. There may be some grammar problems but overall its good.

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Spoiler (Click to View)

I'm at skit practice. But I'll make sure to finish Part 2 today.

I got a delay at skit practice. I was there for about 4 hours. But I managed to finish Part 2 Today.

Chapter 5 Part 2

Spoiler (Click to View)

“What’s wrong Megan?”,I asked all confused.
“It’s the family that bothered us. They are called the Burus”,Megan said pulling me the arm. “Now run Jennifer”.
I started to run after Megan. We ran around twists and turns. I took out my phone to call Nicolette. I dialed 9-0-9, 1-4-4, 6-1-3-4. I waited for her to pick up her phone and she finally did.
“Hello?”, came the voice of Nicolette on the other line.
“Nicolette?”, I asked. “We need your help where are you at?”
“I’m at home. Where are you?”
“We were at Target to buy some beyblades. Then we bumped into a-forget it. It’s a long story.”
“But where are you at?”
“We are in front of your house”, I replied, turning off my iPhone.
“Where are they? Where did Megan and Jennifer go?”, came a voice from the Holts. Megan and I were hiding behind the columns in front of Nicolette’s house. The door then opened behind us and scared us.
“What happened to you two?
“Like I said on the phone, we were at Target buying beyblades. I bought Rock Zurafa. When we left we bumped into a family. They were big, buffy, and angry.”
“Hmmm, sounds like a family I know.”, Nicolette said. “Are they called the Burus?”
“Yes, how do you know?”, I asked.
“They once killed my mother and father. Now I only have a little brother. I defeated them once, but never did again. It’s almost as they got stronger every battle.”, Nicolette replied.
“Awww, that’s terrible. I’ll help you defeat them too for what they did to your parents.”, I supported.
“Thank you, Jennifer.”, Nicolette said. “But wait, I defeated them once by the help of this bey. But I can’t defeat them anymore. Here take this Jennifer. Finish this once and for all.”
“Thanks Nicolette. Oh my god, it’s a Twisted Libra GB145 CS!”,I exclaimed. “I might use this for the tournament.”
“I hope you do.”, Nicolette said. “And here’s a beyblade for you Megan.”
“Really? Whoa, it can’t be. It’s a Thermal Striker 145 WD!”, Megan said.
“Let’s battle, Megan.”, I said.

Enjoy!

You guys wanted part 2 and I gave you part 2 but no comments on it?

I love Your story, SO MUCH SUSPENCE! Anyway, part 2 is amazing and I really like it. Keep writing, and I will want for part three!

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the name is camille



Proud Member of Team Galaxy bladers

Thank you!