Hi guys.This is my second Beystory and I know the first one sucked but I started reading sonicsora123's story:Into The Furnace.So i learned from that story.So please reply once you are done reading.NO MORE TAKING CHARACTER REQUESTS!! I am open to all criticism. Put it on meh! I made a language with just mixed letters. So Yeah....



Chapter 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

One day before the first day of school at Ferrisburg High School, my friend’s and I were at my house watching: Beyblade: Metal Fusion at 7:30 A.M. It was the final episode where Ryuga vs. Ginka. As I was watching with my friends I gripped my Rock Wolf 105WD.
“You can do it Ginka!” , yelled one of my friends.
“Keep it down because my baby brother is still sleeping! “ , as I said to her.
“Special Move, Galaxy NOVA!!!” ,as Ginka said on TV later on.
It was already 7:50 and we better get ready at school by 8:00.
“Come on guys” , let’s go before we are going to be late for class.
“Ok” ,as my friends said back turning off the TV as well.
On the way to school we were going to the front office to see which class we are in.
“I’ll see you guys right here after school okay?” ,I said.
“Okay” ,my friends said all at once.
Right after that my friends took off.
It was already 7:57 and I knew I was going to be late for class. First off, on the paper was English class. I sighed. But then I started running on my way. On the right of the paper it said the room number. For English class it was room 52. I started looking everywhere and then I saw a number 52. I checked my watch it was 7:59 as I made it in class.
Later on, I was reading a book about Grammars and Punctuation Marks. I learned about this in kindergarten. This is like my life all over again. As I was looking around the room I saw a clock in the back. I looked closely and the time was 9:29. English class was almost over!!

This part of the story and so on is when school is about to end.

When school almost ended I was stuck in Chemistry. It was okay.
*ring ring ring* I got out of Chemistry class and started waiting for my friends in the front. I saw that my friends were already there waiting for me.
I said,” Hey Guys”. They all looked at me and said “Hi” back.
“Want to come over?”, I said.
“Sure, let’s go!”, my friends said.
We ran to my house. It was like 3 blocks away. We got there in no time. When my friends and I got in the front door I took out the keys and unlocked the door. Some of us sat on the couch and some sat on the floor. I turned on the TV. There was this commercial about a beyblade tournament in one week in Ferrisburg. That’s where I live!! The tournament was called “Clash of the destructive beys”. I am so attending that tournament at 12:00 P.M.
“Are you guys going to attend the tournament?”,I asked my friends.
One of them said,”I can’t sorry. But I’ll cheer you on”.
“Well none of us can go. I’m really sorry Jennifer.”, said another friend of mine.
“It’s okay guys. As long as I get support.”,I said back.
I have to start training and fast.

Chapter 2

Spoiler (Click to View)

My mom came down right after the commercial.
She said, “Jennifer did you get the mail yet”?
I replied, “No I forgot mom”.

After that I started my way out to get the mail. My friends stayed with my mom in the house. I opened the front door from the inside and I started walking to the mailbox. I then noticed that the mail car was going towards our mailbox. It was probably late. She puts all the mail in the right boxes and left. I opened our mailbox and started looking at the mail. I then saw one that was for me and from an unknown guy. I ran inside and told my mom and friends to check out this package. I ripped it opened and there a beyblade?
“Huh”?, I wondered. Why would anyone give me another beyblade when I already had one”,I said out loud. I then looked at the package carefully and it said it was from Korea.
“Mom look it’s from Korea. Who do we know that lives in Korea and that gave me a beyblade”?
“Oh yes I know mom, it is our grandpa, Dongpang in Korea” ,I said happily!
“Look there’s a note”! , said one of my friends. I picked up the note and read it out loud: Dear Jennifer,I gave you this special beyblade for your birthday. The bey is called Lightning-Ldrago T125RF.An attack type bey for you. I’m very sorry for not coming this year but here is your gift. I hope you enjoy this bey Jennifer.

PS Its special move is called Lightning Destroyer!
Sincerely,
Dongpang.
“Mom, it’s so cool”, I told my mom.
It was my very first attack type-bey!!
My friends said,” Are you going to use that for that big tournament tomorrow?”.
“Tournament?”, my mom said all confused.
“There’s a beyblade tournament and I want to go but I don’t have a ride”,I said as I was begging on my knees.
“Oh fine” ,my mom finally said.
“Yes”,I said.
“I’m going to start training okay mom?”,I said.
My mom said proudly, “Be safe”.
I said, “I will don’t worry”.


I ran out the door as fast as I can with my friends to start training. We found a nearby attack stadium.
“Let’s battle here”,I said excitedly.
I pulled out my launcher grip and hooked my bey on.
“3,2,1,Let it RIP!!”,we screamed.
Since mine was an attack type and his was a balance. He was just moving around in the center of the stadium.
I shouted,”Go L-Drago”.
L-drago stopped going around and went straight to the middle. My friend’s bey was Storm Pegasus 105WD. L-Drago was charging and fast at Storm Pegasus. BOOM!! A large black smoke appeared as the bey clashed together.
“What such power L-Drago has”,I thought.
BOOM!! Another big clash.
I shouted, “ Special Move, Lightning DESTROYER!!! I wonder what it does”.
Everything was so shiny I couldn’t see anything but then I saw this dark bey coming towards Storm Pegasus. It was Lightning L-drago! He charged at Pegasus. L-Drago hits it and then lightning everywhere were going straight at Pegasus. That much power made Storm Pegasus fly into the air. L-drago counter-attacks Pegasus.
“Stadium OUT!”,I said.
“That was an awesome battle Jennifer”,as my friend said.

Chapter 3

Spoiler (Click to View)

Chapter 3

I looked at my bey and said,” Who’s up for some coke at my house”?
My friends answered, “ I can take some coke”. It was a hot day that day. We walked back to my house and got back at 5:00.
“ Anyone hungry?”,I asked.
“ I’m good”,as one of them said.
I really need to get more friends. Why not make a beyblade teams along the journey of the Ferrisburg Tournament in 1 week! I then told my friends about my plans. So at 6:00 my friends left. It was time for dinner at my house.
“Hey mom and dad I’m going to make a beyblade team!”,I said out loud.
“That’s great”,my dad said.
I continued to eat my eggs, lettuce , and some rice. My mom decided to make Dongpang’s favorite food. I finished my plate at 7:00. I then went up to my bedroom and started to think” Where will I find some strong bladers for my team? That’s right there’s a bunch of them in Syndel! I guess I know where I’m going next”.

I woke up at 7:47 on a Tuesday. I only got 13 more minutes until the second day of school starts. I changed as fast as I could. I’m always the “Last Minute Girl”. My friends were waiting for me in front of my house. By the way, I go on the bus on the days Tuesday, Wednesday, and Fridays.
“Jen, you’re late again”, said Nicolette.
“Yeah I know”, I said.
I got on the bus with my friends just in time. I showed the bus driver my card and I sat down with my friends.
“Hey Nicolette, look at the boy staring at you”,I said.
“He’s pretty handsome!”,she exclaimed. Nicolette then stood up, and went to the back of the bus to talk to the boy. Nicolette went back to her original spot.
“His name is Kenneth”,Nicolette said.
She added,”He plays soccer, he’s Asian like me, and he likes Math. He’s just like me!”
We arrived at school at 7:50. First one to come out was Nicolette, Me, and Megan. It was the same schedule.
“52, 52, 52. Ahh you’re right there.”,I said walking towards it. Plain old basics, Grammar and Punctuation Marks. Chemistry was last of all the classes. We were mixing some chemicals in a cup.
Since I was sitting in the back, no one would see me. I reached into my pocket and I forgot to change yesterday. So I got my beyblade and started to spin it with my hands. My beyblade then hit the cup filled with chemicals and broke it. Smoke started to fill the air.
“Everybody get out of here”,Mr. Banks said. I put my bey away in my pocket.
“I’ll clean this up after school which is in 2 minute”,he said.
*ring ring ring* School was out and I went to the front. I had to go home without them so I can finish homework. My friends came, and I told them I had to go home without them. I think they were cool about it. When I was walking home I heard a little kid scream. I rushed over to see why he is screaming.
I gasped.

Chapter 4

Spoiler (Click to View)

“M-M-Mom?” I asked, shaking and confused. I started to look around, the little boy bawling his eyes out, crying. Right next to him was his dad, blood all around him. I saw something that caught my eye, a beyblade.
Burn Striker ED145WD. Still spinning. My fists clenched.
“Mom how could you? What did he ever do to you?” I screamed, tears coming down my cheeks. My mom took one step closer to me, and I took one step back. No, this couldn't be. She looked straight into my eyes, two pearls boring into my skull.
“I’m sorry," She started, shaking her head, "This is my..”
My face hardened, "My what?” I was torn between my loyalty to her and what had just happened. It was too unreal.
“My job" She finished, "Look...I’m sorry, dear” And with that, she walked over to the man, scooped up her beyblade, and disappeared into a beam of smoke.
I asked the little boy, “Are you okay?”
He nodded.
“Come on I’ll call for help”, I said pulling out my phone. I dialed 9-1-1. I talked to this lady, gave her the address or where we are, and waited for the ambulance truck. As they arrived on the scene, they asked two questions like “Did you see it happen? Do you know what caused him to die?”
I answered both questions,”No I didn’t see it happen, but his son did. Yes I do know what caused him to die. It was a beyblade.
A few hours later the little boy came out of the hospital. He walked to me.
“I asked, “Is he okay?”
He replied,” Yes he is, but he needs to stay in the hospital for about a few days.
I asked him,” Where do you live, and what is your name?”
He said,” I live right around the corner, and my name is John. I’m 5 years old.”
I took John by the hand and led him home to his mom. He rang the doorbell. The door opened, his mom was looking at him and then to me.
“Hi how are you?”, John’s mom said.
“Hi I’m doing good and I took your son back here from the hospital. It’s a long story.”,I replied
“Well it’s getting late for me and I should get home.” , I said shocked with the time.
I then left the house and started thinking about where I should stay. I called my dad earlier about my mom. So I think they started packing to leave somewhere. I told my dad that I am not living with them anymore. I am just going to stay at Megan’s house until something good happens. I arrived at Megan’s house, and rang the doorbell. The door opened with Megan holding a bowl of cereal and milk.
“Jennifer?”, she asked.
I replied, “Yeah it’s me.”
“What are you doing here?”
“It’s a long story. I’m wondering about staying at your house for the next few months, or like forever.”
“Well come in”. I walked into the big living room with the fireplace on the right, a fan in the middle, and a set of beyblades sitting in the corner. I went to look for her parents, and found them sitting eating a bowl of popcorn, and there eyes on the TV.
“Hi”,I said.
“Oh hello dear”, they replied.
“Mrs. Pat and Mr. Pat I’m wondering of I can stay here for a while?”
“Sure dear.”
“Okay thanks!” I followed Megan to her room, and when I got there I took at my homework. I started doing it, and it turns out it was quite easy. I finished my homework 25 minutes later. Then, I decided to tell her the story about my mom, and I told her to promise not to tell anyone. She then told me a secret.
“Jennifer promise not to tell anyone”, she told me, looking me into the eye.
“I promise”, I said, looking straight into her eye.
“Okay well I-I-I am not normal. My parents and I came from a different planet that provides life. We went to Earth because there was one family that wanted to trade me for their daughter. They bothered our family every single day. We got to Earth in a portal. We also speak a different language. My parents and I got the hang of the language: English. We got news from the other planet one day that the family is on Earth right now. They are trying to find my family.”
“Wow”, I said.
She said, “I’m not very good with beyblades. Then, I found you. You are a strong blader. So are the family. By the way, the planet is called Degunda. The language is called Culfyne. I need you to train me. Will you help?”
“Sure I’ll help!”, I exclaimed.

Chapter 5 Part 1

Spoiler (Click to View)

“But you have to teach me the Culfyne language” ,I said.
“Oh fine. But it might be really weird”, Megan said back.
Megan added,”Here is the word:I in the Culfyne language. Say “Epgca”.
“Epga?”
“No. Say it again.”
“It again”,I said laughing. She shot me an angry face.
“Okay fine.”, I said. “Epgca?”
“Yes. Good job!”, Megan said.

Thirty minutes later, I learned 2 sentences in the Culfyne language. It was “I want to battle you” and “3, 2, 1, Let It Rip!”. Here let me say it in the Culfyne language. Here was “I want to battle you”: Epgca zcofep zacoe fudwa crazfar. Here was “3, 2, 1, Let It Rip”:Blanyci uwcoe ihicarx giotkmfe. It seemed really hard at first, but then I got the hang of it. Megan and I slept at 11:00. We woke up at 7:00 to get ready for school.
“This is going to be a boring school day. Wanna ditch?”, Megan said.
“But what about your parents?”,I asked.
“They are not home.”
“Well okay then.”
We then left the house, and began to think of where to go.
“Wanna go to Target to check on some new beyblades. Then we can customize your L-Drago and Rock Wolf 105WD.", she said.
We walked and walked until we got to Target. Megan and I looked at each other and nodded. We walked through the sliding doors. The beyblade area was around the sliding doors.
“So many good beyblades”, I said to Megan as I was looking at the beyblades. There were Twisted Tempo, Rock Zurafa, Rock Aries, and Thermal Pisces.
“Well Twisted Tempo is heavy so it can knock the opponent back. Rock Zurafa can absorb hits with its spin track and has a nice fusion wheel and performance tip. Rock Aries has a spin track that can block the opponent’s attack. Last but not least, Thermal Pisces. He has great stamina. Which one should I pick Megan?” I said pulling a wad of money out of my jeans.
“I would say Rock Zurafa because the performance tip is like Leone’s and the spin track is pretty neat.” Megan said back at me.
“Well okay then.”, I said picking Rock Zurafa off the shelf. I bought Rock Zurafa and opened it on the way back. I threw the package away in a bin nearby. Megan and I examined it. But then, we bumped into a strong,buffy family.
“Oh no.”, Megan said.

Chapter 5 Part 2

Spoiler (Click to View)

“What’s wrong Megan?”,I asked all confused.
“It’s the family that bothered us. They are called the Burus”,Megan said pulling me the arm. “Now run Jennifer”.
I started to run after Megan. We ran around twists and turns. I took out my phone to call Nicolette. I dialed 9-0-9, 1-4-4, 6-1-3-4. I waited for her to pick up her phone and she finally did.
“Hello?”, came the voice of Nicolette on the other line.
“Nicolette?”, I asked. “We need your help where are you at?”
“I’m at home. Where are you?”
“We were at Target to buy some beyblades. Then we bumped into a-forget it. It’s a long story.”
“But where are you at?”
“We are in front of your house”, I replied, turning off my iPhone.
“Where are they? Where did Megan and Jennifer go?”, came a voice from the Holts. Megan and I were hiding behind the columns in front of Nicolette’s house. The door then opened behind us and scared us.
“What happened to you two?
“Like I said on the phone, we were at Target buying beyblades. I bought Rock Zurafa. When we left we bumped into a family. They were big, buffy, and angry.”
“Hmmm, sounds like a family I know.”, Nicolette said. “Are they called the Burus?”
“Yes, how do you know?”, I asked.
“They once killed my mother and father. Now I only have a little brother. I defeated them once, but never did again. It’s almost as they got stronger every battle.”, Nicolette replied.
“Awww, that’s terrible. I’ll help you defeat them too for what they did to your parents.”, I supported.
“Thank you, Jennifer.”, Nicolette said. “But wait, I defeated them once by the help of this bey. But I can’t defeat them anymore. Here take this Jennifer. Finish this once and for all.”
“Thanks Nicolette. Oh my god, it’s a Twisted Libra GB145 CS!”,I exclaimed. “I might use this for the tournament.”
“I hope you do.”, Nicolette said. “And here’s a beyblade for you Megan.”
“Really? Whoa, it can’t be. It’s a Thermal Striker 145 WD!”, Megan said.
“Let’s battle, Megan.”, I said.

Enjoy!

Character Name: Andrew
Gender:Male
Bey:Fang Wolf ED145B (Defense) P.s the wolf clear wheel is a dark red.
Character Description: Andrew is a very smart and funny guy. He is never afraid to crack a witty pun from time to time. He is the new kid in town and is looking to make friends. He is a very caring friend but is battle serious.
Gear:He has shadow black launcher grip with a beypoint card and a dark red beylauncher. He also has an angle compass.

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Accepted he will be in chapter 2 and i forgot to add the beyblade special move and what it does

This is for you

Sorry, but that's what your story will become if you keep accepting CR. STOP, please. It's for your own good.

Instead of writing a review, read this. It should help you to improve your writing.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

thnx sparta.

the special move it's Called Wild Wolf Fang Tornado It's just like kyoya's Wild wind fang dance meaning it does the same thing

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um i dont need your CR anymore. I'm sorry. I hope you understand!

Wow what an awesome story can't wait for Chapter 3

Character name: Aj
gender:boy
Bey:Hell leone bd145 cs Defense
Character Description:Aj is careful never trys to leave an opening for an attack and waits for the right time to strike.He dosen't like to be laughed at and won't let it go if you make him mad.
Gear:A white grip that has the word destruction carved in it. A regular string launcher and a black rubber extension grip.
Special move:Hell leone's cs tip goes into attack mode then creates a tornado made of fire and wind the bey is launched into the sky and hell leone follows it and knocks it out of the stadium.This move is called Element Sabre.

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Character name: Aj
gender:boy
Bey:Hell leone bd145 cs Defense
Character Description:Aj is careful never trys to leave an opening for an attack and waits for the right time to strike.He dosen't like to be laughed at and won't let it go if you make him mad.
Gear:A white grip that has the word destruction carved in it. A regular string launcher and a black rubber extension grip.
Special move:Hell leone's cs tip goes into attack mode then creates a tornado made of fire and wind the bey is launched into the sky and hell leone follows it and knocks it out of the stadium.This move is called Element Sabre.

The writer isn't taking requests

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Umm, too straight forward.
There is nothing give me a bam, so try your best.

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Let the wings of hope spread to the whole world!

New story :
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Yoku-s-s...ary-Hereos

Character name: Aj
gender:boy
Bey:Hell leone bd145 cs Defense
Character Description:Aj is careful never trys to leave an opening for an attack and waits for the right time to strike.He dosen't like to be laughed at and won't let it go if you make him mad.
Gear:A white grip that has the word destruction carved in it. A regular string launcher and a black rubber extension grip.
Special move:Hell leone's cs tip goes into attack mode then creates a tornado made of fire and wind the bey is launched into the sky and hell leone follows it and knocks it out of the stadium.This move is called Element Sabre.

The writer isn't taking requests

oh srry for the spam then

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Character name: Aj
gender:boy
Bey:Hell leone bd145 cs Defense
Character Description:Aj is careful never trys to leave an opening for an attack and waits for the right time to strike.He dosen't like to be laughed at and won't let it go if you make him mad.
Gear:A white grip that has the word destruction carved in it. A regular string launcher and a black rubber extension grip.
Special move:Hell leone's cs tip goes into attack mode then creates a tornado made of fire and wind the bey is launched into the sky and hell leone follows it and knocks it out of the stadium.This move is called Element Sabre.

The writer isn't taking requests

oh srry for the spam then

its okay

I am wondering when is Chapter 3 coming out?

I am wondering when is Chapter 3 coming out?

thnx for reading my story and chapter 3 will come out soon.

great story but it needs abit more of a suprize like maybe , this is just a random make up, i saw a man he turned around and....... nextchapter but over all good

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If you want to battle pm me and we can batle sometime

Pegusas!!!! raykon and monmji rule yeah
thank you for the sig taj12

Spoiler (Click to View)

i rule because im the best blader hahahahahahha

great story but it needs abit more of a suprize like maybe , this is just a random make up, i saw a man he turned around and....... nextchapter but over all good

thnx a lot i appreciate it

CHapter 3 is out. Sorry for delay I was readin for some ideas but i tried to finish it as fast as i can!

Chapter 3

Spoiler (Click to View)

I looked at my bey and said,” Who’s up for some coke at my house”?
My friends answered, “ I can take some coke”. It was a hot day that day. We walked back to my house and got back at 5:00.
“ Anyone hungry?”,I asked.
“ I’m good”,as one of them said.
I really need to get more friends. Why not make a beyblade teams along the journey of the Ferrisburg Tournament in 1 week! I then told my friends about my plans. So at 6:00 my friends left. It was time for dinner at my house.
“Hey mom and dad I’m going to make a beyblade team!”,I said out loud.
“That’s great”,my dad said.
I continued to eat my eggs, lettuce , and some rice. My mom decided to make Dongpang’s favorite food. I finished my plate at 7:00. I then went up to my bedroom and started to think” Where will I find some strong bladers for my team? That’s right there’s a bunch of them in Syndel! I guess I know where I’m going next”.

I woke up at 7:47 on a Tuesday. I only got 13 more minutes until the second day of school starts. I changed as fast as I could. I’m always the “Last Minute Girl”. My friends were waiting for me in front of my house. By the way, I go on the bus on the days Tuesday, Wednesday, and Fridays.
“Jen, you’re late again”, said Nicolette.
“Yeah I know”, I said.
I got on the bus with my friends just in time. I showed the bus driver my card and I sat down with my friends.
“Hey Nicolette, look at the boy staring at you”,I said.
“He’s pretty handsome!”,she exclaimed. Nicolette then stood up, and went to the back of the bus to talk to the boy. Nicolette went back to her original spot.
“His name is Kenneth”,Nicolette said.
She added,”He plays soccer, he’s Asian like me, and he likes Math. He’s just like me!”
We arrived at school at 7:50. First one to come out was Nicolette, Me, and Megan. It was the same schedule.
“52, 52, 52. Ahh you’re right there.”,I said walking towards it. Plain old basics, Grammar and Punctuation Marks. Chemistry was last of all the classes. We were mixing some chemicals in a cup.
Since I was sitting in the back, no one would see me. I reached into my pocket and I forgot to change yesterday. So I got my beyblade and started to spin it with my hands. My beyblade then hit the cup filled with chemicals and broke it. Smoke started to fill the air.
“Everybody get out of here”,Mr. Banks said. I put my bey away in my pocket.
“I’ll clean this up after school which is in 2 minute”,he said.
*ring ring ring* School was out and I went to the front. I had to go home without them so I can finish homework. My friends came, and I told them I had to go home without them. I think they were cool about it. When I was walking home I heard a little kid scream. I rushed over to see why he is screaming.
I gasped.

Does anyone read this???

Chapter 4 preview

Spoiler (Click to View)

“M-M-Mom?”, I said confused. I started to look around, seeing the little boy crying. Right next to him was his dad. Blood was covered around him. I saw something that caught my eye, a beyblade.
Burn Striker ED145WD. Still spinning.
“Mom how could you? What did he ever do to you?”,I screamed, tears coming down my cheeks. My mom took one step closer to me while I took one step back.
My mom said, “ I’m sorry this is my..”
I asked her, “ My what?”
“My job. Look I’m sorry, dear”,she said. But then she went to the man and took her beyblade and disappeared in a beam of smoke.

chapter 5? please [/font]

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dfg

chapter 5? please [/font]

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dfg

I haven't finished 4 yet so you have to wait

not bad make sure it makes sense also use more adjectives, similes etc okay
for eg. "the man glazed out of the window whilst clenching his bey within his fist, he swiftly turned around, his eye caught a man a very hairy man towering above him as if he were a giant."
you are good for a 9 year old btw what lv are you in english

not bad make sure it makes sense also use more adjectives, similes etc okay
for eg. "the man glazed out of the window whilst clenching his bey within his fist, he swiftly turned around, his eye caught a man a very hairy man towering above him as if he were a giant."
you are good for a 9 year old btw what lv are you in english

idk?

EDIT: Does anyone have a suggestion?

crystalmw2noob's explanation is actually incorrect, he made a run-on sentence with comma errors, my weakness is in using commas so ask the others (Sparta, Temporal, etc.)

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