Here is my fan fic I will post chapter when ever I like so I guess I will post chapter 1 right now




Jayden: I have always dreamed of becoming a legend hi I’m Jayden I want to become a legendary blader
Damian: yeah yeah battle me 
Jayden: *mind* oh yeah this man is my best friend Damian eh but I gotta do what I gotta do
All: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP 
Jayden: JUSTICE 
Damian: DRAKO
(drako hits justice with a powerful attack)
Jayden: NO *Justice burst
Damian: man you need to work more 
Jayden: yeah right I need a stronger bond

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Oh and can some one change this to the creation forum

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

this should be in the "your creations" fourm-

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current owner of IGLOO GEYSERS
*simps for Aoyama*
leaving on the 27th of may T^T
(nvm- next week-

Yeah I know idiot mistake

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Here is my fan fic I will post chapter when ever I like so I guess I will post chapter 1 right now




Jayden: I have always dreamed of becoming a legend hi I’m Jayden I want to become a legendary blader
Damian: yeah yeah battle me 
Jayden: *mind* oh yeah this man is my best friend Damian eh but I gotta do what I gotta do
All: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP 
Jayden: JUSTICE 
Damian: DRAKO
(drako hits justice with a powerful attack)
Jayden: NO *Justice burst
Damian: man you need to work more 
Jayden: yeah right I need a stronger bond

---

Oh and can some one change this to the creation forum

Kinda feel like this is a bit rushed slow down a bit if you want a good example of how to structure a good fanfic look at other people's fan fic

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Ok I have been reading your fan fic love it and next chapter will be longer

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Ok chapters list and some of the characters  
 
Chapter 1 = bond
Chapter 2=Let’s Go all out
Chapter 3 = special training
Chapter 4 =  enter royal falcon
Chapter 5 = darkness unleash
And more  now here is some info on the characters



Name Jayden Uzi
Beyblade: Jinx Justice
Jinx justice is an attack type with 4 blades is has a specific tip that allows it to go slight taller than is opponent’s bey
Special moves: Jinx blast Jinx blade and lastly 4 hours ( yes that’s one of his moves)

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Name: Damian Hoshi
Bey: Titan drako
Moves: Titan whip Titan blast and Titan sword
Drako is a balance type between attack and defense it has a tip that makes it slightly shorter then its opponent’s bey so it focuses on burst the bey from its tip

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Ok I have been reading your fan fic love it and next chapter will be longer

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Ok chapters list and some of the characters  
 
Chapter 1 = bond
Chapter 2=Let’s Go all out
Chapter 3 = special training
Chapter 4 =  enter royal falcon
Chapter 5 = darkness unleash
And more  now here is some info on the characters



Name Jayden Uzi
Beyblade: Jinx Justice
Jinx justice is an attack type with 4 blades is has a specific tip that allows it to go slight taller than is opponent’s bey
Special moves: Jinx blast Jinx blade and lastly 4 hours ( yes that’s one of his moves)

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Name: Damian Hoshi
Bey: Titan drako
Moves: Titan whip Titan blast and Titan sword
Drako is a balance type between attack and defense it has a tip that makes it slightly shorter then its opponent’s bey so it focuses on burst the bey from its tip

Wait you read my fanfic?

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Trent myoga
Bey: Titan Tractor
Trent has a dark connection with his bey and force it by his will and does not know what having a bond with your bey
Moves: dark flare Titan dark and many more he likes to say for “worthy” opponent’s

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Yes I love you fan fic when it first came I thought it was great

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Aw thanks man

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Np your on my top 3 favorite fan fic writers

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Np your on my top 3 favorite fan fic writers

I am posting my next chapter right now

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Since I’m board to death here is chapter 2 hope you like it

Jayden: *snores*
Mom: JAYDEN WAKE UP *hits frying pan with another frying pan
Jayden: chill I’m up
Mom: go change and eat breakfast I gotta head to work
Jayden: KK
(After changing)
Damian: *knocks*
Jayden: *opens door
Damian: hey Jay today have you heard the latest bey news
Jayden: nah what about it
Damian: can’t believe I’m friends with you any way the WBO is setting up a tournament all across the world you going
Jayden: you bet I am wanna train
Damian: you bet I do I did not just spend my whole life being friends with you to be lazy NOW LETS BATTlE
Jayden: man the hursts I can’t tell if that’s an insult but okay
All: 321 LET IT
Jayden: *does backflip*
All: RIP
Jayden: JUSTICE now JINX BLAST
Damian: *mind* wooo he’s getting stronger and the fact that he is getting a grip *smiles*
NOW DRAKO TITAN WHIP
(Both beys clash into each other)
Jayden: JINX WHIP
Damian: TITAN VOID
(Both beys burst)
Damian/Jayden: *gasp* hahahaha good game
Jayden: oop better go do some training tommorrow is going to be EPIC
Damian: k later see you at school

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CitrusNinja3 can you change this to you creation forum

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Since I’m board to death here is chapter 2 hope you like it

Jayden: *snores*
Mom: JAYDEN WAKE UP *hits frying pan with another frying pan
Jayden: chill I’m up
Mom: go change and eat breakfast I gotta head to work
Jayden: KK
(After changing)
Damian: *knocks*
Jayden: *opens door
Damian: hey Jay today have you heard the latest bey news
Jayden: nah what about it
Damian: can’t believe I’m friends with you any way the WBO is setting up a tournament all across the world you going
Jayden: you bet I am wanna train
Damian: you bet I do I did not just spend my whole life being friends with you to be lazy NOW LETS BATTlE
Jayden: man the hursts I can’t tell if that’s an insult but okay
All: 321 LET IT
Jayden: *does backflip*
All: RIP
Jayden: JUSTICE now JINX BLAST
Damian: *mind* wooo he’s getting stronger and the fact that he is getting a grip *smiles*
NOW DRAKO TITAN WHIP
(Both beys clash into each other)
Jayden: JINX WHIP
Damian: TITAN VOID
(Both beys burst)
Damian/Jayden: *gasp* hahahaha good game
Jayden: oop better go do some training tommorrow is going to be EPIC
Damian: k later see you at school

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CitrusNinja3 can you change this to you creation forum

Ok your really improving but try making it a bit longer don't rush just feel like you have all the time in the world but if it gets waaay too long then cut it into to two chapters

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Chapter 3

Jayden: LET IT RIP
Mom: Jayden honey time for dinner
Jayden: ok I'll be there in a minute.
???: Hello
Jayden: WHO ARE YOU NOW DID YOU GET IN MY BACKYARD
Trent: I am Trent heard you battling and I had to pop in and destroy you
Jayden: hahaha try all you want justice will not be destroyed
Trent: so your you I'll for it
Jayden: alright *gets out launcher*
All: 3 2 1 let it rip
(Both beys get sent flying)
Damian: *opens backyard door* solo what's happen here
Trent: NOW TRAITOR DARK BLAST
Jayden: NO JUSTICE *JUSTICE avater appears*
Justice: we shall win this
Jayden: YES NOW JINX SWORD
Damian: this battle is getting intense
Trent:.DARK FLARE
(Both gets burst)
Trent: grrr *leaves*
Damian: wow Jayden that was a great battle what's that guy problem
Jayden: I don't know...

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Chapter 4

Damian: that Trent guy really wants to destroy justice.
Jayden: .... I wont let him I will find him and make sure he knows what blading is about.
(Damian mind): wow Jayden really wants to be the best wait what about me while Jayden is training I have done nothing *gets out launcher*.
Jayden: huh *smiles* hey Damian the tournament is coming up i heard a few legends are gonna be there I'm SO HYPED.
Damian: LET IT RIP ok calm down huh DRAKO TITAN SUPER SWORD.
Jayden: let it rip you think your gonna have fun with out me hah i can't believe we have been friends since birth .
Damian: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN I TRAINED BEFORE YOU.
Jayden: WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT YOUR SO LAZY.
Damian: wait i'm training right now hah GET WRECKED TITAN BLAST.
(Jayden mind) woo he has gotten stronger.
Trent: LET IT RIP.
Jayden: TRENT YOUR THE GUY WHO WANTS TO BREAK JUSTICE.
Trent: might as well break both.
?????: stop this Trent.
Damian: DELTA ZAKURO.
Trent: Well hello master.
Jayden: wait you trained Trent.
Delta: yes I did but he schemed behind my back I created a monster
Trent: I'm right here
Delta: *straight up ignores him* anyway stop this madness
Jayden: JUSTICE JINX SWORD
Delta: LET IT RIP DEVALOS
Delta: forgot to introduce legend devolos
(Damian mind) yes we have delta on are side
Jayden: SUPREME JINX
Delta: Legend smah
(Trent mind) i will destroy them all

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Still on your way to doing better Make it more clear what's happening

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Thank you strike i try and make it more clear

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Thank you strike i try and make it more clear

No problem buddy just wanna help you and your fanfic be awesome

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Jayden uzi

has black brown scin and he is wearing what my pfp is wearing with red eyes


Damian hoshi

has black hair white skin wears a good vibe sweater that is golden and always where jeans and has blue eyes


Trent myong

https://www.google.com/search?q=evil+guy...ZrVTIoOQtM

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https://avachara.com/avatar/snapshot.php

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thats what damian looks like

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Try to add more story development. There has been little to none until the most recent chapter. Also, I realize you enjoy strike's fanfic, but the antagonists story should be varied otherwise you are kind of using strike's story. You swapped the names of the evil Blader and changed their master, but that's it. They even have the same goal.

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If ya'll need any help, feel free to reach out to me!
"We all have different backgrounds, but we all come together to celebrate our excitement over Beyblade..."
-6Jupiter5

i give a back ground report on the charectors

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oh and im reading beyblade burst bond

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

i give a back ground report on the charectors

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oh and im reading beyblade burst bond

I know your new so when you are replying to a comment there is a curving arrow at the bottom of there post, and that person will get an alert on there feed.
Also, Thanks!

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If ya'll need any help, feel free to reach out to me!
"We all have different backgrounds, but we all come together to celebrate our excitement over Beyblade..."
-6Jupiter5

i give a back ground report on the charectors

---

oh and im reading beyblade burst bond

I know your new so when you are replying to a comment there is a curving arrow at the bottom of there post, and that person will get an alert on there feed.
Also, Thanks!

yeah no problem

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ill go ahead and tell ylu guys the legends returning

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Dante/drum
delta
silas/sisco
Lui
and xander

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and the myth the legend the man that rantaro kiyama hates WAKIYA MURASAKI

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alright here is your chapter 5 get comfy

Delta: DEVOLOS LEGEND WHIP
(devolos sends a powerful attack at all of the beys)
Damian: Hang in there TITAN SWORD
Jayden: YOU HAVE BEEN JINXED
Damian: seriously
Trent: TRAITOR YOUR UNDER MY COMMAND
(Jayden mind) he is forcing a bond with his bey
delta: stop this Trent this is not the way we blade
Trent: *picks up bey* what ever ill destroy you at the tournament anyway
Damian: *gulps*
delta: I must take my leave and prepare for the tournament
Damian: we understand
(delta leaves)
Mom: JAYDEN KUZO UZI YOU MISSED DINNER *gets out two frying pans*
Damian/Jayden: RUN
(after my mom spanked me and scolded Damian)
Jayden: *changes and heads to bed*
Jayden: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(in the morning)
Jayden: hey mom
Mom: DONT HEY MOM ME YOU SKIPPED DINNER
Jayden: not this again

welp hope you like it

---

                       
   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Chapter 5
darkness unleash
Jayden: mom has been on my back all day
Jayden: *heads to backyard*
Jayden: LET IT RIP
JAYDEN: JUSTICE ATTACK
Damian: hey buddy
Jayden: how did you get it
Damian: your mom let me in
Jayden: Alright wanna train these days everything about you is just plain
Damian: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN I AM THE ONE AND ONLY DAMIAN
Jayden: WELL YOUR SO UNORGANIZED I MEAN LOOK AT YOU YOUR WERE GOOD VIBES THATS SO LAST YEAR
Damian: ... GOOD VIBES ARE STILL ALIVE YOU KNOW WHAT LETS BATTLE I WILL PROVE TO YOU THAT ITS STILL ALIVE I MEAN YOUR A SWEATING BOY
Jayden: FINE I WILL BATTLE YOU AND TAKE THAT BACK
Damian: NAH I HAVE TO MUCH PRIDE LET IT RIP
Damian: DRAKO TITAN WHIP
(Jayden mind ): I forgot I launched i'm loosing stamina real fast
Jayden: JINX SWORD


to be contined

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Chapter 5 part 2

???: RIP
Damian: WHO ARE YOU WAIT YOU LOOK LIKE TRENT
Brent: I AM BRENT AND I WILL DESTROY YOU FOR I HAVE DARK FLARE
Jayden: dude no need to yell and are beys will NOT be destroyed
(Brent enter dark titan mode)
Brent: DESTROY
( Drako starts cracking))
Jayden: JUSTICE
( Justice stops unknow bey from breaking drako)
Damian: THANKS JAYDEN *picks up drako* WIN IT FOR US

TO BE CONTINED

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Plot 2/5 I feel like there is no growth in the story (no offense) and it is not really focusing on anything.
Grammar 3/5 I can only see little grammar problems.
Story 2/5 You on a good start but it is way too short.
Characters 2/5 I don't really see any character growth in my eyes and it seems like they are kinda like dolls that you control I feel like they need more life.
Dioluge 1/5 feels like it is rushed and it is just about battling not really about getting stronger and learning how to become a really good blader.
10/25 you on your way just try not rushing and adding a bit more (I did not mean any offense with these ratings just trying to help you get better. also, I used CheetoBlader's ranking system).

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.

Strikegamerv6 how do you like this chapter?

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   "From this moment on... You shall be know as Darth Vader" - Palpatine probably

Strikegamerv6 how do you like this chapter?

Could be better but still really good your on ur way!! (Btw you can call me Strike when your not pinging me)

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The One Piece is the friends we made a long the way.