Beyblade Ultimate Quest [STORY]

Poll: How's my story

Cool i love it
46.15%
6
pretty good
7.69%
1
okay interesting
7.69%
1
not bad nor good
38.46%
5
Horrible i hate it
0%
0
Total: 100% 13 vote(s)
Hi a new story a new release of my old thread in my sig someone close it im starting fresh old characters will be deleted if you want to be in again jjust ask to be put back in

Format

Name:
personality (so i know What to make him say)
Bey type
Bey
Special moves
Person history/description (do not focus on features clothes accesoryies etc )


name:Ricky Feir(pronounced as ''Fear")
personality:he is good
bey type:attack
bey:Hyper Apollo ED145RF
special moves:Hyper drive(glows blue,then hits enemy with tremendous force and speed)
Titanic Breaker(bey glows blue,then multiplies.all clones hits the enemy one at a time.this is its
ultimate spin move)
description:he has a scar that came from his mortal enemy(this is his history)
Almost done Episode 1 this will be a episode based series Ventus98 you are in i don't know any attacl blader so we got 1
By Billy Tritt under copy write 4/9/11

BEYBLADE ULTIMATE QUEST

Episode 1
It all starts today.

3 2 1 GO SHOOT okay Fico keep on him no don’t give up wind Gasher
Ember Fico GO spin rates 25% to 81% Billy you got this Go Said Julien
Yep, Spin Track Change 145 to AD145. Ack No Gasher Spin rates 98% to 11 % go attack said Billy. The Stadium catches on fire. What the heck said Billy? Wind Gasher stopped spinning Billy wins. Yes that’s 5,000 points. Wow Billy So Manny my 3,000 barley matches said Eric. Well Julien how many points do you have let’s see 2,500 well we are the best Bladers in town yep. Hey kid fight me, why, now Okay (Whispers) “pushy “3 2 1 GO SHOOT. Go Ember fico ch145 SD, Ha tidal Siren WC127 WD. WHAT? Julien help here Fico is slowing down well here it says Fico is at (pause) Julien what is it said Eric 23 % and dropping why well it seems fico is fire attribute well siren is water attribute and something about his bey is slowing your bey down. NOO Fico Spin track CH. (cut off) Ha that won’t work spin track Wave Crasher 127 AHHHH water burn it fico 5% Siren 73% ACK. Go attack. Slam track activated Go special move Flare Starter the stadium is cracked opened the stadium Billy said in shock Fico and siren have fallen out of the stadium but fico has stopped spinning ha I win now points. NO by WBBA rules it states whether the bey stopped spinning or not both beys fell out making this a draw said Julien. Your rules might have helped you this time but next time I will take your Points Billy Draco (this means thinking now) (I’m sorry Billy I had to test you) End of episode.
Name: Tyler Draydon
personality: Mysterious
Bey type: Stamina
Bey: Galaxy Dragulus (Black and Red) (Are you allowed to make up your own?)
Special moves: Space Eruption (Flies upto the sky and dissapears and then comes crashing down with a purple trail of light behind and loads of space comets but small)
Black Hole (This move is extremely lethal and can destroy a blade in one hit, it just stops the blade from spinning, but it is very rare and leaves the user very weak and open if it misses0
Person history/description: Tyler was a loner as a kid, he always got beaten by his friends in his bey battles and got picked on, but one day a mysterious man came up to him, dropped this bey in his hands and then walked away. Tyler realised the potential of the blade so he swore vengeance on all of his childhood enemies and became a ruthless blader.
Name: Shelia Misaki
personality: Hot-blooded and never thinks much
Bey type: Attack
Bey : Watch story 'The Beyblade Galaxy:Heroes saving the entire world' please.
Special moves;Universe Smash Attack
Person history/description : Cat ears.
this is one of the most worst stories i ever read(no offence)

1.grammar mistakes
2.lots and lots of run-on sentence that needs fixing

fix this then the story willl be great
oh,and use quotes(this thing:'')when the character is talking
(Apr. 09, 2011  11:03 AM)Ventus98 Wrote: this is one of the most worst stories i ever read(no offence)

1.grammar mistakes
2.lots and lots of run-on sentence that needs fixing

fix this then the story willl be great
oh,and use quotes(this thing:'')when the character is talking

kind of agree, improve grammar LOTS. and ventus, i see you can review a book so can you quickly review my one? Grin
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Story-Pi...Characters
(Apr. 09, 2011  11:15 AM)TheBlayder Wrote:
(Apr. 09, 2011  11:03 AM)Ventus98 Wrote: this is one of the most worst stories i ever read(no offence)

1.grammar mistakes
2.lots and lots of run-on sentence that needs fixing

fix this then the story willl be great
oh,and use quotes(this thing:'')when the character is talking

kind of agree, improve grammar LOTS. and ventus, i see you can review a book so can you quickly review my one? Grin
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Story-Pi...Characters

i am a story teller,too,you know
nice story, they can be good or bad, your choice


Name: Izuma Inzori
Name: Sonai Inzori
Name: Hatachi Inzori
Name: Rez Inzori
(Apr. 09, 2011  11:15 AM)TheBlayder Wrote:
(Apr. 09, 2011  11:03 AM)Ventus98 Wrote: this is one of the most worst stories i ever read(no offence)

1.grammar mistakes
2.lots and lots of run-on sentence that needs fixing

fix this then the story willl be great
oh,and use quotes(this thing:'')when the character is talking

kind of agree, improve grammar LOTS. and ventus, i see you can review a book so can you quickly review my one? Grin
http://worldbeyblade.org/Thread-Story-Pi...Characters
Agree.
There's lots of room to improve.
i used speel check and grammer check on microsoft word it was perfect i justified thanks for advice havent updated characters yet but is the plot good at least
The story sounds too fast, and it is also too sudden. You must give it some good beginning. Starting a series with a beybattle, without any introduction makes the story bad. That's all. I know that mistakes are made, coz even I made mistakes in my story, so I'll say that the story can be improved.
(Apr. 09, 2011  7:42 AM)BillyBlast Wrote: Almost done Episode 1 this will be a episode based series Ventus98 you are in i don't know any attacl blader so we got 1
By Billy Tritt under copy write 4/9/11

BEYBLADE ULTIMATE QUEST

Episode 1
It all starts today.

"3,2,1,GO SHOOT!''.''okay Fico, keep on him!''.'' no don’t give up wind Gasher!
''Ember Fico,GO!''.fico's spin rates 25% to 81%.''Billy you got this!Go!''Said Julien.
the Spin Track Change from 145 to AD145 ACK.''No! Gasher's Spin rates 98% reduces to 11%!''.''go attack!'' said Billy. The Stadium catches on fire. ''What the heck?'' said Billy.Wind Gasher stopped spinning,and Billy wins.''Yes that’s 5,000 points!''.'' Wow Billy So many points!mine 3,000. barley matches!''said Eric.''Well, Julien, how many points do you have?''.''let’s see 2,500!well,we are the best Bladers in town,yep''.'' Hey kid's you wanna fight me?''.'' why now?''.''Okay (Whispers) ''pushy''. “3,2,1, GO SHOOT!''.''Go Ember fico ch145 SD!''.''Ha tidal Siren WC127 WD!''.'' WHAT?!Julien,help here!Fico is slowing down!''.''well, here it says Fico is at ....''(pause)''Julien,what is it?''said Eric.''23 % and its dropping fast!why?''.''well it seems fico is fire attribute while siren is water attribute and there's something about his bey that keeps slowing your bey down''.''NOO!Fico Spin track CH-''.''Ha!that won’t work!spin track Wave Crasher127!''.''AHHHH!!!water! burn it fico!''. 5% Siren 73% ACK.''Go attack!Slam track activated!Go special move,Flare Starter!!''. the stadium cracked opened.''the stadium!''Billy said in shock.Fico and siren have fallen out of the stadium,but fico has stopped spinning.''ha! I win!now give me points!''.''NO!by WBBA rules,it states whether the bey stopped spinning or both beys fell out making this a draw!''said Julien.'''Your rules might have helped you this time, but next time I will take your Points,Billy Draco! (this means thinking now) (I’m sorry Billy I had to test you)

End of episode.

there,made the story better,i think
Well, by putting in punctuation marks there, the story is a lot better. But there should be a good intro too. Who is Julien? Who is Billy? What in the world is this battle all about?
some Details

Billy Draco Main Character Bey Flare Fico Change Armor Defense 145/230 Metral Decfense changes in the next ep script writin and not putting in character request till later and needed i will also be posting explanantion if asked i know sudden but thats how i write my worst writing flaw
Eric Billy's friend (school request real friend) Virgo Claws 230 WD (called SGTO because SGTO face and night SGTO is not good might call night SGTO but the pieces are above
Julien the smart guy can make beys laptop simulates spin he is saying th\er percents of the beys for us bey unknown my friend is still making it up

the challenger is Jay bey Tidal Siren Wave Crasher 127 WD battles because he is Michael Jay DRACO SPOILER TESTING HIS YOUNGER BROTHER next ep needs editing and computerising (on paper)
Beyblade Ultimate Quest
Episode 2

I still can’t believe you lost Billy said Eric. I two how he was beating me my spin suddenly was dropping fast Said Billy. Well let’s cheer you up with a beybattle. Okay. 3 2 1 GO SHOOT! I’m Reff said Julien Okay Fico Rapid Assaults. Saggitario 95% spin (SGTO) SGTO use your spin track Claws Pop Out. My Assault was stopped. Okay flip onto him SGTO. ACK Ember Fico Look out! Fico is taking serious damage 68% and Dropping said Julien. Fico hang in their Spin track go ad145. With a sudden boost Fico escapes at 34%. SGTO go very odd move falling tower. Oh and Eric is still attacking Hard Fico Try the move. And Billy Resorts to his last resort and bey comparing 26% to 79%. Fico go melt the stadium and shoot Lava. SGTO use your claws like a wind mill to reflect. FICO Attack again. Billy Stop your Beyblade will get hurt. Said Eric. Billy Your Beyblade is getting trashed. I lost it stopped spinning. Billy that was Careless you need a new wheel and a new tip. I’ll be back later. 2 hours later. Eric your launch is getting stronger keeps working. Where’s the kid Billy said Jay? You’re from yesterday. Name’s jay now where is Billy. He’s not here now but anyway you left him devastated now answer to my SGTO. 3 2 1 Go Shoot. There is no stadium my SGTO has an advantage. Hmp says you. SGTO Flip Claws spot. Good move Eric said Julien while flipping the claws you push him then had your bey completely hit him. Yep Siren Water Clone. There are 2 beys. No just Water. Eric Do something 43% dropping to 78% but he’s on me go claws rotary Freeze them siren Eric 7% the claws are hurting you injeck 5% attack SGTO is in the air going into the Ocean. LET IT RIP GO FLARE FICO CHANGE ARMOR DEFENSE 145/230 METAL DEFENSE. BOOST ON Saggitario is spinning again go return you wanted me right said Billy then let’s fight. Eric was interesting Julien you will fight next WHAT! Said Julien.. End of episode


sorry for rough ending had to finish quick
Name:Tenji Okana
Bey: Static Libra FM145 ESB(left spin good guy)
Static: it resembles the hyper wheel but its metal is shaped like lightning bolts
FM145:like the M145 track the beyblader is allowed to move the track to different side but FM 145 ffreely moves from side to side causing a static effect
ESB:like Es its a bit bigger with a free moving ball keeping the beys balance intact
Personality:ecstatic and friendly but when he blades he becomes serious
Special move: Cybernetic Shockwave -Due to FM145 it creates a heavy electric field out from the bey constantly shocking the the other bey with electric shocks causing the bey to lose balance and slow down
special move 2:Giga Shock -libra starts to glow a bright yellow as it speeds around the stadium creating a bright golden ring trapping the opposing bey as it shoots at it constantly wearing the other bey down
Hope you like it
Name: Levi
personality: Zane, Lets see he is a keep to him self type of guy & Is 14.
Hates having friends never likes life not goth but some-type of Dark person.
That's really all my description.
Bey type: Wind/Mirage
Bey: Mirage Leone
Special moves: Lion's Mirage
Person history/Description: Well, There is a few backround activites.
1. Went to ( Kids Jail) Couple times
2. Beats anyone he battles
3. got jumped when he was younger & got a scare on his Chest
4. Does not know who his parents are
5. Is a Dark Person( I already told you)!


Clothing:
Always weres things like Ganga but No Faget scarf No head band nore blue jacket more like red/green.
That's great improvement! Episode 2 is WAYYYYYYY better!!!
thanks i do not usually write stuff like episode 1 somtimes its rush and the enter i deleted was a accident just noticed it also "marks" are annoing to me said (put Name Here) is easier but both are annoying also I WILL NOT PUT IN CHARACTERS TILL I NEED THEM okay just a statmeant Cute most characters will probaly appear after this pre season 10 eps then the real strory will bgin this is just a intro for the characters and some main parts
I did not get to read this, my eyes burned the moment I saw no "s. and paragraphs. Maybe put those in and I can read.
rushed the ending 65% to 6 % i know plz no critics

Beyblade Ultimate Quest
Episode 3: Clash of Tita- Amterasu

Julien are you ready to lose? Said Jay. That would be a no because my bey will win. Julien you actually have never showed us your bey before what is it? You’ll find out. 3 2 1 GO SHOOT okay Amterasu (ARSU) go ice slide jump up. Siren 79% good hit that felt like an earthquake Julien can we analyze your bey on your lap top? Sure. Okay so he has a Heavy metal face bolt making his bey heavy uses basalt the best defense wheel and FGB145 what does that stand for And ELB what’s that. Go again keep on him. What is this siren 50% Water shoot Water crasher extreme? Go Eternal lightning ball. It’s a lightning bolt and frozen gravity bowl do it. He froze the water charged it with lightning and melted the ice on him controlled his spin was 75% now 98% wow and his bey has an electrical attack stored up go (the whole name of the move) Lightning Atomic Frozen Strike. SIREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10% Julien I must admit your good better than Eric. HEYYY. Well time to kick it up a notch. Siren special move Luring prey. ARSU no. 65% that quick and dropping. Why can’t I control you anymore? Why are u walking up to siren and falling down on purpose not good enough siren Wave crasher basic. That attack stole his energy just bowing siren is stealing why is julien’s defense down (out of time the Ice melted normally I could dodge and then defend but his special move) Julien 6 %. Now finish him siren ARSU. SGTO save him! And another one bites the dust your turn Billy End of episode
Amaterasu is a tiger
(Apr. 09, 2011  12:00 PM)Dracovianauis Wrote: nice story, they can be good or bad, your choice


Name: Izuma Inzori
Name: Sonai Inzori
Name: Hatachi Inzori
Name: Rez Inzori

Thanks but you have WAY TOO MANY CHARACTERS please choose one of them
Dramatic so it can begin

Beyblade Ultimate Quest
Episode 4: A Battle to remember


So Billy your friends have fallen, are you ready to fall and give all your points. Obviously not Jay, you will be the one to stop spinning. Then let’s get started. 3 2 1 GO SHOOT. Fico go for it barrage attack. (Okay to remember Billy’s attack pattern he dies light attack and when the battle is dragged out he will give himself a boost with that Change spin track and maybe attack, so to counter that I need to defend perfectly while dealing him heavy damage said Jay.) Beys Fico 95% Siren at 80%.Keep it going Billy said Julien. Billy, Fico don’t give up, OH NO, Billy it’s raining Fico is at a Disadvantage. What Billy, can’t Handle some water go attack more use the water to your advantage Siren even more water power to hit with. Go hit him with all you got I never thought I would get to use this move but, GO SIREN WHIRLPOOL WAVE. GO Counter Change AD145 Change 230. Good thinking Billy said Julien, but gaining more defense and stamina from AD145 then AD230 he took less damage and gained some stamina now if that hit full force Billy beys would have, have. Well what Julien. His bey would have been in the ocean under water in a million Pieces but is at 35% Fico to 65%. Whoo good job Billy. Well can’t hold back anymore, GO SPECIAL MOVE FICO BURNING ASSALT. What is this said jay? He’s gaining and I’m in trouble. WOW to 35% to 55% 65% to 45% if it wasn’t raining then it would be 10% per hit. GO WHIRLPOOL WAVE. Okay then, FINAL EXTREME BURNING CHARGE. KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Julien I can’t see this is really hot water falling and so much steam. Eric take a look at this said Julien? Both Beys have stopped spinning but I see them spinning there. That’s not spin said Julien that’s Bit beast look at Billy and Jay determined to win. Siren Sweet song Bow Force. You can’t control Fico Go. Billy your Bleeding stop. I WON’T I MUST WIN I don’t know why. Billy because I am your Brother. WHAT NO your wrong FICO. SIREN DON’T LET UP. Fico don’t stop Fico please your going to get hurt it’s over. Why fico won’t quit it and stop Siren hang on….. (Jay falls over) Fico it’s alright……... (Billy falls over) The battle is over said Julien. We will be stopping you I’m Alex and I’m taking Jay and Billy. No let it rip. Eric your bey won’t spin its broke remember. But I have to save them!! GO AMATERASU GO Shoot (2 seconds later. So quick AHH AMATERASU I will be taking points. ERIC JULIEN!! Billy said weakly he will take your entire point’s take 100 of mine quick or you’ll lose your blader spirit and you don’t want to know. So weak said Julien. Someone help us said Eric.
just use Izuma then
okay one more PRE-ep then the story begins
Character list Izuma Inzori
Levi
Tenji Okana
Shelia Misaki
tylor draydon
Ricky feir
Bill Draco
Jay Draco
Julien
Eric