Beyblade: The New Beginning

SPAMMED with a double post. Delicious.

Man, I hate to be a downer, but this isn't good...at all...I mean, you only use dialogue, you type it like a script for a play, and there is no fluency or even a setting. AT ALL.

I told Temporal I hoped I would never have to rate a story 0/10, but this comes close. Thank god you can spell, because otherwise this would be that rating.
Can i do a charector?
name max
Bey ldrago destroy! F : S
Special move mirage destruction moves so fast it theres thousands of the meteo destruction ldrago starts at the rim of the stadium and turn a giant fireball and crashes into the opponent
Good
Look black tee and jeans and brown hair black sneakers
Gear white grip power lancher L pointer Sight scope and an angle compass he swiches depending on the situwation
(Jul. 27, 2011  2:23 AM)Sparta Wrote: SPAMMED with a double post. Delicious.

Man, I hate to be a downer, but this isn't good...at all...I mean, you only use dialogue, you type it like a script for a play, and there is no fluency or even a setting. AT ALL.

I told Temporal I hoped I would never have to rate a story 0/10, but this comes close. Thank god you can spell, because otherwise this would be that rating.

This. I wanted to avoid being a jerk-off about it, as I could've been MUCH harsher than even this, so just take this as good advice.
Welp guess i can't be out on the fun ethier i guess i will send in my own character
Name:Kan-Di
Bey: Frost Drakkix IC145TR
Special Move(s): Extreme Hail Storm : Creates a giant tornado that will suck up anything thats thrown at it and shoots out giant pieces of hail randomly at the stadium.
Icicle End: Frost Drakkix turns the hole stadium into ice then jumps into the air smashing the ice creating a huge wall that has a reliably good chance of a stadium out and with a few scratches from some sharp Ice.
Look: Has blue hair and is in the style like Kyoya. Has Blue gloves that has three stuff claws on it. Black shoes with stuff claws on it. A necklace with sharp teeth on it. A black t-shirt and blue pants.
can i be a really powerful evil girl with a driger plz?
you can make up my special move.
ps. my name will be camille.
Name:Cameron

TypeEeevil

BeybladeEeevil Scorpio 100HF
Oh and my special move is stinging destruction
Your character's name: Flash
What side they're on: evil but not very evil. a bit like dedede in SSBB (since you have the game) he kinda changes sides. He's like shadow the hedgehog. cool, strong but doesnt really know who he is. He is an artificial human created by the main villan. he is basically as strong as the main good guy. He turns good at the and when alll hope is lost and if you do a sequel he is a main character
The bey: Flash Atlanta 90 XF (MFB Attack)
Dark Moves- Frenzy Flash. he attacks about 20 times very quickly.
- Agility. Gets very quick and spins around the edge of the stadium dodging any attacks
Special Move (when he turns good)- Flash of Light. There is a flash of light. a bang is heard. the opponent's bey is hit with brute force.
The beast inside is a runner (Atlanta the greek runner to be exact)
ATTENTION: What did I say in the edit in the OP?! I'm not taking character requests! DO NOT ASK!
(Jul. 27, 2011  3:30 AM)Temporal Wrote:
(Jul. 27, 2011  2:23 AM)Sparta Wrote: SPAMMED with a double post. Delicious.

Man, I hate to be a downer, but this isn't good...at all...I mean, you only use dialogue, you type it like a script for a play, and there is no fluency or even a setting. AT ALL.

I told Temporal I hoped I would never have to rate a story 0/10, but this comes close. Thank god you can spell, because otherwise this would be that rating.

This. I wanted to avoid being a jerk-off about it, as I could've been MUCH harsher than even this, so just take this as good advice.

Yeah, this story kind of sucks, even in my perspective. At least you two had reasons for saying these things. I applaud you for backing up what you said. Yeah, I'm probably change the format, and this story is just beginning, so of course there's no fluecy or setting. Plus, check how old I am, I'm just 12! I'm still taking English classes. XD
(Jul. 27, 2011  7:46 PM)Nuff Wrote: Plus, check how old I am, I'm just 12!

Rage time. You do not know how much I despise people who use this excuse. Your age does not define your skill. Admit that your story may not be the best, but it's not because you're 12.
I have a request.
Name: Mioshi Waranus (Female)
Bey: Drigger bitbeast with Galman attack ring dranzer weight disc and everything else drigger. Special Moves: 1. Speedy Slash: Drigger jumps up and lands on the opponent on it's side and attacks. 2. Tiger defense: Drigger goes in defense mode and if the opponent attacks, they get flown upward. 3. Tiger's last claw: When drigger is almost still, it attacks ferociously and falls down afterward. I'll continue later I gotta go.
Here comes part 2:
Looks: waist long brown hair, purple eyes, jeans, a purple shirt, and brown shoes.
Personality: Mioshi is the nicest person you will ever meet, but she can be ferocious in a beyblade battle. If you become her enemy, watch out. Become her friend and you've got someone trustworthy.
Past: Mioshi is from a poor family who are servants. Her family was treated horribly by their masters except for the boy. The boy gave Mioshi courage and she started to beyblade to free her family. That has been her goal since she sneaked away. Her beyblade is her one and only friend.
You've unleashed my...BROOKLYN RAGE! Can you not read? Read the OP. Read it twice. Read it again! Read it until it sinks in. NO MORE CHARACTER REQUESTS!
(Jul. 27, 2011  2:42 AM)bladestriker99 Wrote: Can i do a charector?
name max
Bey ldrago destroy! F : S
Special move mirage destruction moves so fast it theres thousands of of beys and meteo destruction ldrago starts at the rim of the stadium and turn a giant fireball and crashes into the opponent
Good
Look black tee and jeans and brown hair black sneakers
Gear white grip power lancher L pointer Sight scope and an angle compass he swiches depending on the situwation
(Jul. 27, 2011  11:27 PM)Temporal Wrote: You've unleashed my...BROOKLYN RAGE! Can you not read? Read the OP. Read it twice. Read it again! Read it until it sinks in. NO MORE CHARACTER REQUESTS!

Shushkabob. This is for when Nuff is accepting character requests again.
(Jul. 28, 2011  12:24 AM)storm dranzer Wrote:
(Jul. 27, 2011  11:27 PM)Temporal Wrote: You've unleashed my...BROOKLYN RAGE! Can you not read? Read the OP. Read it twice. Read it again! Read it until it sinks in. NO MORE CHARACTER REQUESTS!

Shushkabob. This is for when Nuff is accepting character requests again.

Honestly, I don't mean to be a jerk, and I really hate it when people say this to me, but please, for the love of humanity and beyblades just STOP. He's not going to ask for them again, so why even bother. Don't you have your own story? Use this character in that.

Enough nerd rage. Anyways, you should really edit your story and fix it. Shows that you're committed to it.
Yay i'm strong in the story. BTW storm dranzer ur sig is waaaaaay too big
(Jul. 27, 2011  9:09 PM)NoodooSoup Wrote:
(Jul. 27, 2011  7:46 PM)Nuff Wrote: Plus, check how old I am, I'm just 12!

Rage time. You do not know how much I despise people who use this excuse. Your age does not define your skill. Admit that your story may not be the best, but it's not because you're 12.

Did you not read my post? It definitely isn't the best, and being 12 is just another reason this CAN suck. It's definitely not my best work, and I could do better if my schedule wasn't limited. I felt a little rushed when I saw Blah's post. Bottom line, this story is bad and it's not because I'm 12. Satisfied? Also, another reason this sucks could be that writing isn't my forte, it just isn't. Drawing is. If you want to know why I haven't posted any drawings, it's because I'm on an iPod Touch(3rd Gen.), I can't use the computer, which DOES have a camera, and I don't have a phone with internet. Can't use other people's(and public) computers, either. Sorry for the likely confusion this post causes.