Beyblade: The Biggest Dreamer. Full Story.

Poll: What Creature Should The Main Antagonists Bey Be Designed From

Monkey
0%
0
Spider
21.05%
4
Sparrow
36.84%
7
Demon
21.05%
4
Chupacabra
21.05%
4
Total: 100% 19 vote(s)
I've had allot of people telling me they'd read on with my story so I decided to carry it on on one thread, new episodes every Sunday, or maybe Monday if you live in america.

Thanks to Sparta and Aura for assistance with the prologue

New chapters each sunday.
Please, Comment and Rate.
Next Time: Undisclosed

Prologue: The Bladers Spirit

Chapter 1: The Worlds Finest-Clash On The Summit.

Chapter 2: Welcome Oliver. The Bladers Dream

Chapter 3 Blitz Striker -VS- War Wolfly. battle between rivals!

Chapter 4- Sparrow-VS-Pegasis Battle In The Sky!

Chapter 5 Training Day! Bull-VS-Wolfly

Chapter 6 Invincible No More? Oliver VS Samford



















Sorry for the delay in chapters because of school I have had to take one sunday off next chapter as usual
Would you like me to do longer chapters if a few people comment i'll try to e-long them but not stretch them out.
It is pretty good I want to see how this story will continue
(Aug. 17, 2011  6:48 PM)TanithElite Wrote: It is pretty good I want to see how this story will continue
Thanks I post new chapters each sunday or monday
Infact Would you like me to post more often considering the chapters are pretty short?
Plz Rate and subscribe
I got your PM, but I was confused. Did you say you wanted help with the story?
(Aug. 18, 2011  2:27 AM)Sparta Wrote: I got your PM, but I was confused. Did you say you wanted help with the story?
if you wanted to help then yeah but i'd also like some feedback and ratings
this is the updated version of the story, those reading the first chapter thread this is the updated story
(Aug. 22, 2011  7:15 PM)BurnBlader Wrote:
NobleGallade Wrote:Prologue: The Bladers Spirit

"The mountain seemed so small back in the village."
"I knew I should of packed more energy bars!"

Those whines are my own, Oliver Bridesun. I had dreams of meeting the World's best blader.

"The peak! I can see it!" I cried.

Pulling myself up, I saw the man I hoped to await me with my Bey, Earth Wolfly WB145CS. I can take on anyone..., I thought to myself.

I conversed with the mysterious man. I said but 3 words and he knew who I was.

"Hello... Gingka Hagane"

I edited the first part the best I could. There was a few Spelling and Grammar mistakes. And a few capital letters missing.
Thanks for that Smile

(Aug. 22, 2011  8:57 PM)NobleGallade Wrote:
(Aug. 22, 2011  7:15 PM)BurnBlader Wrote:
NobleGallade Wrote:Prologue: The Bladers Spirit

"The mountain seemed so small back in the village."
"I knew I should of packed more energy bars!"

Those whines are my own, Oliver Bridesun. I had dreams of meeting the World's best blader.

"The peak! I can see it!" I cried.

Pulling myself up, I saw the man I hoped to await me with my Bey, Earth Wolfly WB145CS. I can take on anyone..., I thought to myself.

I conversed with the mysterious man. I said but 3 words and he knew who I was.

"Hello... Gingka Hagane"

I edited the first part the best I could. There was a few Spelling and Grammar mistakes. And a few capital letters missing.
Thanks for that Smile

No, don't listen to him. I don't think BB knows what he's doing. The way he edited it made it seem that Oliver is Gingka.
Sorry, I got a bit confused on who was who. Just listen to Sparta. He knows what he's doing.
(Aug. 22, 2011  9:44 PM)BurnBlader Wrote: Sorry, I got a bit confused on who was who. Just listen to Sparta. He knows what he's doing.
Hehe

If you'd like, I can re-write the entire prologue for you with the same concept. Just know that you won't recognize it when it's finished. Wink
(Aug. 22, 2011  9:44 PM)BurnBlader Wrote: Sorry, I got a bit confused on who was who. Just listen to Sparta. He knows what he's doing.
ok i'll fix it now

k I just fixed the prologue
(Aug. 22, 2011  9:49 PM)Sparta Wrote:
(Aug. 22, 2011  9:44 PM)BurnBlader Wrote: Sorry, I got a bit confused on who was who. Just listen to Sparta. He knows what he's doing.
Hehe

If you'd like, I can re-write the entire prologue for you with the same concept. Just know that you won't recognize it when it's finished. Wink
no thats alright i didn't really like the prologue my self i re-wrote it and tried to give it more depth

Erm...it's still not the best...Sure you don't want me to fix it for you?
(Aug. 24, 2011  6:04 PM)Sparta Wrote: Erm...it's still not the best...Sure you don't want me to fix it for you?
Alright then i'll see how you'd write it i was pretty rushed with that one
but try to keep it on the same basic plotline
OK, so here's my version:

Prologue: The Bladers Spirit

As Oliver looked up, the stinging wind bit into his skin. It swooshed and swirled around him, digging under his jacket no matter how tight he pulled it closed. Shivering, he rubbed his hands together.

"Cold?" Hyoma asked, buttoning his sweater.
"Oh, no," Oliver replied, "Just nervous is all." Hyoma chuckled cooly and smirked.
"Well, good luck. You're going to need it."

As Hyoma trotted briskly away, Oliver pulled out his bey. The metal was scratched and charred from all of the training he had done, but he was ready. His stay at Koma village had been a short one. Since arriving, Hyoma had told him about whom he would have to battle. Currently, he was on top of Mount Hagane, waiting for Oliver. He clenched his bey, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

The toughest match of his life was about to begin.

Sweat beaded his forehead, but Oliver simply wiped it off. The stairs had looked so much shorter from the ground, and he was starting to tire. Regardless, Oliver kept trudging through the new falling snow. Step by step, he thought. I'll get there step by step. The previously slow falling snow had become a torrent, pounding away at Oliver's strength. The warmth fully left is body, and numbness overcame him. Still, he didn't stop. Bit by bit, he climbed his way up until he reached the peak.

Gasping, Oliver hauled himself up to the top and panted. He had made it! Far, far up he had climbed, all the way to the very tip of Mount Hagane. It was here he hoped to battle the person whom he admired. Smiling from the achievement, Oliver stood up and gasped. There, right across from Oliver, he was. His scarf was blowing in the storm, but he looked calm and ready. Finally, the time had come-to battle Gingka Hagane!
***

There. That's how I would've done it. Keep in mind that I tried to adhere to your plot as best I could, but some things like him not having a tough journey I had to take out. Making it hard and challenging added to the drama, but also sorta made him a Mary-Sue Uncertain.
(Aug. 24, 2011  6:36 PM)Sparta Wrote: OK, so here's my version:

Prologue: The Bladers Spirit

As Oliver looked up, the stinging wind bit into his skin. It swooshed and swirled around him, digging under his jacket no matter how tight he pulled it closed. Shivering, he rubbed his hands together.

"Cold?" Hyoma asked, buttoning his sweater.
"Oh, no," Oliver replied, "Just nervous is all." Hyoma chuckled cooly and smirked.
"Well, good luck. You're going to need it."

As Hyoma trotted briskly away, Oliver pulled out his bey. The metal was scratched and charred from all of the training he had done, but he was ready. His stay at Koma village had been a short one. Since arriving, Hyoma had told him about whom he would have to battle. Currently, he was on top of Mount Hagane, waiting for Oliver. He clenched his bey, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

The toughest match of his life was about to begin.

Sweat beaded his forehead, but Oliver simply wiped it off. The stairs had looked so much shorter from the ground, and he was starting to tire. Regardless, Oliver kept trudging through the new falling snow. Step by step, he thought. I'll get there step by step. The previously slow falling snow had become a torrent, pounding away at Oliver's strength. The warmth fully left is body, and numbness overcame him. Still, he didn't stop. Bit by bit, he climbed his way up until he reached the peak.

Gasping, Oliver hauled himself up to the top and panted. He had made it! Far, far up he had climbed, all the way to the very tip of Mount Hagane. It was here he hoped to battle the person whom he admired. Smiling from the achievement, Oliver stood up and gasped. There, right across from Oliver, he was. His scarf was blowing in the storm, but he looked calm and ready. Finally, the time had come-to battle Gingka Hagane!
***

There. That's how I would've done it. Keep in mind that I tried to adhere to your plot as best I could, but some things like him not having a tough journey I had to take out. Making it hard and challenging added to the drama, but also sorta made him a Mary-Sue Uncertain.
I like it but i'd like to change some minor details about it if thats ok with you
Totally, it's your chapter. Do what you like.
(Aug. 24, 2011  6:48 PM)Sparta Wrote: Totally, it's your chapter. Do what you like.
Ok hopefully my final draft of the prologue is done and im really pleased with it thanks 4 ur help everyone

I got rid of the part where he was sweating i didnt get how he'd sweat when its so cold and i just edited and re-worded some minor things but i loved the way u wrote it
Nice story. Keep it up!!
(Aug. 27, 2011  5:15 PM)SAM10795 Wrote: Nice story. Keep it up!!
Thanks =D

New chapter up now in spoliers