World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. Off-Topic Forums Your Creations

Bey Story-The Outcast (Another One Co-Written By Sparta)

Poll: Are you intrigued?

Quit writing stories.
8.33%
1
I might read this if I get bored.
16.67%
2
Yes.
0%
0
Post the next part or suffer the consequences!
75.00%
9
Total: 100% 12 vote(s)
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  • Show Results
May. 31, 2011  1:02 AM
 
This is my newest story!

I never thought I would become a good guy. My name is Zack, and I'm somewhere around thirteen years old. It's been hard to keep track of the days since they left me here. I'm writing this to tell any members of the Raging Shadow to either quit now, or have a fifty percent chance of dying early in life. I'm getting ahead of myself though. I should start from the beginning.

Tell me what you think!
Please people! I want to make the highest quality stories possible, so comment, rate, vote, and subscribe!
May. 31, 2011  3:50 PM
 
Nice pre-view of the story! I want to read more of it.
May. 31, 2011  3:58 PM
 
Thanks! I'll try to do the next part after school!
May. 31, 2011  5:06 PM
 
dont get it but thats a good thing. giving the reader questions is a way to keep them intrested. it's a bit choppy but obviously you have nothing to describe so nothing to extend. I dont think its in a position to critisise though so write a bit more and i can tell you some tips
Jun. 01, 2011  4:39 PM
 
(May. 31, 2011  5:06 PM)sonicsora123 Wrote: dont get it but thats a good thing. giving the reader questions is a way to keep them intrested. it's a bit choppy but obviously you have nothing to describe so nothing to extend. I dont think its in a position to critisise though so write a bit more and i can tell you some tips

That I will! And I just got Sparta to Co-Write! He will definitely help me with the fluency! I might post the next part before my lunch period ends!
Jun. 02, 2011  1:30 AM
 
Bow-wow.

What was that? I heard I'm co-writing another one of Titan Bladers stories?

Fantastic. 'solutely EPIC. This deserves a woof and a bow-wow

WOOF!!!

BOW-WOW!!!
Jun. 02, 2011  3:55 PM
 
This is the new part! Sparta, feel free to PM me an edited version and I will update it.

I've been what you would call a "problem child" all my life. When I was born, my mother died, and my dad took his own life the day after. I was placed in a foster home, but I couldn't get along with the other kids. One day, I hurt somebody in a beybattle, and they kicked me out. I was about eight, so I could somewhat take care of myself. Then, while I was sitting in the abbandoned house I called my home, a couple of teenagers found me. They took me in, and at age ten I found out that they and everybody else I knew was in a Beyblade gang, called the Raging Shadow.
Eventually, I was one of the most ruthless, scary members. One day, I was sparring with one of my friends, when I made a mistake that may cost me my life.

I know it's really choppy, but I'm being extremely rushed. Sorry I didn't get the next part up yesterday! Hope you like it!
Jun. 03, 2011  9:40 AM
 
really good you got my vote
Jun. 03, 2011  10:03 PM
 
(Jun. 03, 2011  9:40 AM)storm pegusas5 Wrote: really good you got my vote

Thank you! Also, I've decided to post each new part on the site in my sig before I do on here. If you want to read the newest part before it's on here, you'll have to go to the site. You might as well sign up if you're a writer.
Jun. 05, 2011  4:24 AM
 
I like it. The fluency isn't published author quality, but we're both in sixth grade. They told us that anything with more than one comma was a run on sentence, and I guess it's hardwired into our brains. Got a feeling you got inspiration from that book we just read, "The Outsiders".
Jun. 08, 2011  3:39 AM
 
I will hunt you down if you keep making small stories!!
Jul. 06, 2011  11:07 PM
 
Sorry I haven't updated lately. It almost seems like you guys forgot about me! Well, I'm baaack! I'll upload the next part ASAP.