You should drag the battle into Chapter 5 for suspense. And chapter 4 should be called Ambush or something close to that.
Chapter 4 will be the tag battle. Not giving any more spoilers ;-)
Lol ok nite.great spolier so far.
I have added chapter 4, I hope you guys like it. Please give feedback to help me improve my writing... I want to make it as good as I can.
I love the story so far, read chapter 4! Pretty cool!!
Okay guys, I have added chapter 5. Please let me know what you think of it. And major credit goes to Xkai_DranzerX, ryukiba, B-DABLADER. These people helped me in making the characters. And a special thanks to Xkai_DranzerX for giving the story of chapter 3 and chapter 4. I appreciate the help.
I like it, and I'm excited about the next series that you've put. Can't wait for chapter 6.
Thanks, and just so people know, I made this chapter short because there are going to be two very big battles in the next chapter.
Okay, also I have a character request -
Name: Giri Jane
Age: 14
Appearance: He has black hair, green eyes, and pale skin. He wears a blue shirt, normally, blue jeans as well, and black shoes.
Beyblade: Dark Riptide MS
Parts:
Attack Ring: Shared metal frame with advance averazer
Weight Disk: Extreme defense (17g)
Running Core: Metal Change Core
Special Moves:
Ghost Tsunami
Dark Aqua Dome
Death Striking Shield
Ghost Tsunami: Dark Riptide starts to move around really quickly, and then summons a tsunami to ride on and attack the beyblades.
Dark Aqua Dome: They beyblade starts to create a dome of water to block any attack. But it is covered in darkness, so the bey that hits aqua dome SHOULD, lose half of its speed.
Okay, I will put him in chapter 7 - 9. Also, please tell me what death striking shield is.
I was going to leave that to you. Also, I changed my character a bit.
Yeah, I got your pm. But... I will not use him in this story but another one I'm making after this one. I hope this is OK with you.
This is pretty good, but I think you need to space out your dialogue and paragraphs. It makes it easier to read and lengthens the chapter.
Looks cool though!
Thanks for the help, I'll make sure to do that in my next 5 chapters... *spoiler*.
Thanks for the spoiler... and when exactly will we get to see chapter 6. I want to see Ryu battle Jake(she's my favourite character!"
EDIT: I just saw you've already posted chapter six. SOS
Oh yeah, I should've posted that... I've posted chapter six, please tell me how it is.
Sorry guys I just realised that I forgot to write the second battle. I'll start on it right now.
Great it was a quick battle the bey evolution made it better but when you said cried as eyu said you should of put Scream or something like she let out a tremendous scream vocabulary use. So interesting ,complicated words and Can't wait for my battle.
Okay,I've posted chapter 7.Chapter 8 won't have mcuh detail, but expect exciting stuff in nine and the final chapter, 10.Do you think I should continue the series, and make a new story, the fall after this.
WHats my new Bey name can it be Ninja Phoenix MS and can the gears be like ninja stars on my attack wheel.
The gears are for spin steel,and yes, it is now ninja pheonix, and I've come up with a special move, ehich will be used in the tournament. Goodnight, going to sleep.
Should I continue this story as q series or not? I would like that.people tell me as soon as possible.
(Sep. 01, 2013 2:09 PM)jacolal Wrote: [ -> ]Should I continue this story as q series or not? I would like that.people tell me as soon as possible.
Yeah
it's pretty good so far. Why would you want to stop?
Don't just abandon the damn story it awesome don't care what people say do what your hand and heart says to write or not to write. You have a wonderful passion. For this writing
I will finish this story and then will write the next one. Thank you xkaidranzerx and ryukiba, you have been great friends and wonderful supporters to me.