hi this is my first story ill try my best. please coment if you like it.
chapter one: a few souls and a killer.
I was battling in bey park with some friends one evening. my pegasus was up against rock escolpiot125jb. escolpio had a good grip on the arena, thanks to its jog ball tip. 'special move! thunder strike!' i won the battle when pegasus unleshed its barrage attack and pushed the other bey out of the stadium. then i felt a chill, an uneasy feeling. then a wierd looking guy in a black cloak appeared. i mean he wasnt there a second ago. 'hey guys... i said. 'have you ever seen him before?' 'no way, i haven't. my friend parker said. 'let it rip.... be crushed! go! soul tomb!' said the wierd guy in a hissing voice. his bey... soul tomb 125f. he sucked the power out of his opponents power intill he blacked out. the bey he defeated was torn to shreds.......
chapter 2 coming soon.

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When Duty Calls.......

...This is garbage. I'm commenting because you desperately need to improve or just stop writing. There is NO capitalization, no grammar, bad spelling, and the idea is plain BAD. Why do you guys convince yourselves that this is worth posting? You shove down threads for stories WAY better, so you could at LEAST make it readable. Geez, and can you make a chapter longer than one paragraph? Why is it that nearly every story here is excused by "This is my first story!"? You're not five, so please write like such.

...This is garbage. I'm commenting because you desperately need to improve or just stop writing. There is NO capitalization, no grammar, bad spelling, and the idea is plain BAD. Why do you guys convince yourselves that this is worth posting? You shove down threads for stories WAY better, so you could at LEAST make it readable. Geez, and can you make a chapter longer than one paragraph? Why is it that nearly every story here is excused by "This is my first story!"? You're not five, so please write like such.

...

...Yep, pretty much covered what I wanted to say, but in a meaner way . I would simply suggest that you Ask some friends to help you write it, or even ask your parents for advice. It sounds weird, but it will help. Promise.

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"Life isn't about how hard you can hit;
it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward"
{[YT]} [|BEYBLOG|] (â—ŠSoG-My Bookâ—Š)/<DA>\

Mean? Not really. Blunt, of course, but not MEAN. I could have been much "meaner", but that would solve nothing. Frankly, I really could have said "This does not deserve a thread. It is simply trash, and should not have even been thought of" because it is that bad. But I'm suggesting ways to improve, and I explain what is wrong. That's not mean, that is being blunt. Is it really that hard to capitalize the first letter in a sentence or the letter/word I? Not really. You learn that in preschool. This is preschool-level writing, enough said.

also there are no such things as special moves in case u didnt know

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Credit to BeyCenter for the Sig