First story I've ever written, feedback is greatly appreciated!

Chapter 1- In the Beginning (Click to View)

"Dear discoverer of this notebook,
In this notebook, you shall find my experiences here in Juvenile Hall. I have written everything I've encountered in this book you're reading. Now, I'll write the last entry into this book."
Alright, so today was probably the best day in this dump I've lived in for the past year. I get released at 8 a.m. Meaning I have 3 minutes until the guards guide me out.
I will now place my notebook in an airtight container and set it along the creek near my village. If you find this, release it to the public ONLY if something were to happen to a kid named Makoto Kinomiya III.
Good-bye."
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I set the notebook in the container I was given to keep my belongings in, prepared to cast it off in the creek.
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"Good-bye, young man."
"Good-bye, officer," young Makoto replied. Makoto then sets off on his journey back to his village.
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Young Makoto finds himself walking the crowded streets of Tokyo. As he's stumbling through the crowds, he finds a street corner filled with kids. He claws his way through the mass of children to find they were all waiting in front of a store. The front door read the hours of the store, and below those hours, Makoto finds the faded name of the store. The door reads "BeyShop". He immediately digs in his pocket to get something his grandfather had given him years earlier. An old top his grandfather had called 'Dragoon MF'.
He turns to this chubby kid and asks "Why are all of you just standing here?"
The child responds "We're waiting for this place to open so we can get the new beys. Now get out of my way!" The kids said as he shoves Makoto aside.
"New beys, huh?" Makoto thought, once again staring at his Dragoon MF, "I gotta see this!"
Not too long after this, this acne-ridden teenager, whom looked around the age of 17, shoves through the crowd himself, and opens the door to the shop. The ocean of kids flood their way into the shop, dragging Makoto in along with them.
"Jeez, all this to see a spinning top," Makoto thinks to himself, browsing the shop. He finds all sorts of things; new beys labeled, Pegasis, Bull, and others, new launchers called Light Launchers, and a ton of other items. He reaches towards a bey that caught his eye, as it was the last one there, labeled Libra. The same chubby kid from earlier shoves Makoto aside, shouting "Yes! Libra is mine! Step away, newb!"
Little did Makoto know, he'd never see another Libra in a shop again. He also did not know that he and that chubby kid would see more of each other.

AND... SCENE! Again, feedback is greatly appreciated.

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Alright, feedback:
First of all, you spelled byes instead of beys
Also is this the Pre-HWS only?
Pretty good I suppose... There is some mystery in the first paragraph concerning the notebook
In other words... Keep writing! Waiting for the next chapter!

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Great Scott! Signature made by me finally!
"That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me... This One's A Fighter!" Gym Class Heroes Feat. Ryan Tedder, "The Fighter"

Call me Septy, if my name's too long; Read my stories: Shadows of The Condemned, The Lost Birthday and The Crimson Winter