RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 12:04 AM)UnseenBurst Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 11:53 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
Satsu: Wow we have this nice base to our selfs! What a great day!
(Satsu Says exited)
Jacob: I still thing what you said to him was mean but okay.
(Jacob says Confused)
Shun: Well they broke into private property.
(Shun says strict)
Jacob: Whatever. **looks at Jackal**
Satsu: If you want to battle that bad just head to the city.
Jacob: But shouldn't I be sticking around here to help?
Satsu: JUST GO!!
(Satsu says mad)
Jacob: Okay, Ok Chill.
Jacob says to calm her down)
Shun: Don't worry Jacob we got this covered! right Satsu?
(Shun says motivated)
Satsu: Yeah, yeah **roles eyes**.
(Jacob starts walking away)
Jacob: oh I know I'll head to the Bey Grove!
(Jacob goes to a small park behind a store)
Jacob's mind: Why is everyone gathered up like that?
???: who's next?
Random kid: umm you have best everyone in the park.
(Random kid says nervously)
Jacob: What's going on?
???: Huh your Jacob Kong the creator of Justice beys!
(??? Says excited)
Jacob: Yeah, I am and I would like to battle you!
Austin: Sure! I'm Austin!
Random kid: OOoooooOooo battle everyone get the live streaming equipment.
(Random Kid says impatiently)
Gaza: And I'm Gaza Now where live streaming in a few minutes!
Austin: **sighs**That's Gaza for you.
(Austin says funny)
Jacob: Well? What are we waiting for!
Gaza: we're live streaming! Ready set!
Jacob & Austin: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP!!
(Meanwhile)
Satsu: **puts on TV** huh Jacob is on TV!!!
Shun: Really? Wait is it a battle?
Satsu: Yes, Idiot now come over here!
Shun: Who's that?
(Shun says Confused)
(Back to the battle)
Austin: also my beys name is Savage Auolus!
Jacob: Cool! JACKAL JAX VORTAGE!!
(Jackal comes charging at Auolus)
Austin 's mind: Woah he got there so fast luckily I evolved Auolus to a justice bey!
Austin: Savage smash!
(Auolus dodges it and clashes into Jackal like a bill chasing a red flag)
Gaza: WOW FOLKS THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!!
(Gaza says excited)
Jacob: Your strong I'll give you that!!
(Jacob has a flashback)
???: Your a weekling!!
Young Jacob: N-no my mommy sawmill be one of the best!
???: Ha she was telling you what you wanted to here your NEVER gonna be one of the best!!!
(End of flashback)
Jacob: N-no not again I will loose... JACKAL JAX WHIP!!!
(Auolus burst)
Austin: Woah great battle 👍
(Austin says putting a thumbs up)
Jacob: You to! Well I have to head back now later!
Austin: Okay! It was good battling you!
Gaza: And that's the end of it folks the for catching the live stream until next time!!!
(Jacob goes to the base)
Shun: YOU DID GREAT!!
Sastu: I goes hand it to ya you were great.
(Satsu says sarcastically proud)
Jacob: The guys b it J gotta head home later! UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter?
Grammar: 3/5. Spotted a couple of mistakes
Story: 3/5. I loved the plot you were going for I wish you dragged it out longer so we could get more information.
Characters: 3/5. Finally, we get some information about the characters tho I wish you got more into it
Dialogue: 3/5. I loved how you used a bit of my Dialogue and mixed it with your dialogue to create a smoothie lol
Length: 3/5. You getting there just get into more important stuff in the story and don't feel like your being rushed take all the time in the world.
15/25 You've amped it up nice I'm proud
Thx I read you chapter and use some of the plot!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - Beyl0v3r - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 22, 2021 11:53 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
Satsu: Wow we have this nice base to our selfs! What a great day!
(Satsu Says exited)
Jacob: I still thing what you said to him was mean but okay.
(Jacob says Confused)
Shun: Well they broke into private property.
(Shun says strict)
Jacob: Whatever. **looks at Jackal**
Satsu: If you want to battle that bad just head to the city.
Jacob: But shouldn't I be sticking around here to help?
Satsu: JUST GO!!
(Satsu says mad)
Jacob: Okay, Ok Chill.
Jacob says to calm her down)
Shun: Don't worry Jacob we got this covered! right Satsu?
(Shun says motivated)
Satsu: Yeah, yeah **roles eyes**.
(Jacob starts walking away)
Jacob: oh I know I'll head to the Bey Grove!
(Jacob goes to a small park behind a store)
Jacob's mind: Why is everyone gathered up like that?
???: who's next?
Random kid: umm you have best everyone in the park.
(Random kid says nervously)
Jacob: What's going on?
???: Huh your Jacob Kong the creator of Justice beys!
(??? Says excited)
Jacob: Yeah, I am and I would like to battle you!
Austin: Sure! I'm Austin!
Random kid: OOoooooOooo battle everyone get the live streaming equipment.
(Random Kid says impatiently)
Gaza: And I'm Gaza Now where live streaming in a few minutes!
Austin: **sighs**That's Gaza for you.
(Austin says funny)
Jacob: Well? What are we waiting for!
Gaza: we're live streaming! Ready set!
Jacob & Austin: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP!!
(Meanwhile)
Satsu: **puts on TV** huh Jacob is on TV!!!
Shun: Really? Wait is it a battle?
Satsu: Yes, Idiot now come over here!
Shun: Who's that?
(Shun says Confused)
(Back to the battle)
Austin: also my beys name is Savage Auolus!
Jacob: Cool! JACKAL JAX VORTAGE!!
(Jackal comes charging at Auolus)
Austin 's mind: Woah he got there so fast luckily I evolved Auolus to a justice bey!
Austin: Savage smash!
(Auolus dodges it and clashes into Jackal like a bill chasing a red flag)
Gaza: WOW FOLKS THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!!
(Gaza says excited)
Jacob: Your strong I'll give you that!!
(Jacob has a flashback)
???: Your a weekling!!
Young Jacob: N-no my mommy sawmill be one of the best!
???: Ha she was telling you what you wanted to here your NEVER gonna be one of the best!!!
(End of flashback)
Jacob: N-no not again I will loose... JACKAL JAX WHIP!!!
(Auolus burst)
Austin: Woah great battle 👍
(Austin says putting a thumbs up)
Jacob: You to! Well I have to head back now later!
Austin: Okay! It was good battling you!
Gaza: And that's the end of it folks the for catching the live stream until next time!!!
(Jacob goes to the base)
Shun: YOU DID GREAT!!
Sastu: I goes hand it to ya you were great.
(Satsu says sarcastically proud)
Jacob: The guys b it J gotta head home later! UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter? Nice job Justice 👍
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 12:46 AM)Beyl0v3r Wrote: (Jun. 22, 2021 11:53 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Chapter 11
Enter Savage Aeolus!!
Satsu: Wow we have this nice base to our selfs! What a great day!
(Satsu Says exited)
Jacob: I still thing what you said to him was mean but okay.
(Jacob says Confused)
Shun: Well they broke into private property.
(Shun says strict)
Jacob: Whatever. **looks at Jackal**
Satsu: If you want to battle that bad just head to the city.
Jacob: But shouldn't I be sticking around here to help?
Satsu: JUST GO!!
(Satsu says mad)
Jacob: Okay, Ok Chill.
Jacob says to calm her down)
Shun: Don't worry Jacob we got this covered! right Satsu?
(Shun says motivated)
Satsu: Yeah, yeah **roles eyes**.
(Jacob starts walking away)
Jacob: oh I know I'll head to the Bey Grove!
(Jacob goes to a small park behind a store)
Jacob's mind: Why is everyone gathered up like that?
???: who's next?
Random kid: umm you have best everyone in the park.
(Random kid says nervously)
Jacob: What's going on?
???: Huh your Jacob Kong the creator of Justice beys!
(??? Says excited)
Jacob: Yeah, I am and I would like to battle you!
Austin: Sure! I'm Austin!
Random kid: OOoooooOooo battle everyone get the live streaming equipment.
(Random Kid says impatiently)
Gaza: And I'm Gaza Now where live streaming in a few minutes!
Austin: **sighs**That's Gaza for you.
(Austin says funny)
Jacob: Well? What are we waiting for!
Gaza: we're live streaming! Ready set!
Jacob & Austin: 3 2 1 LET IT RIP!!
(Meanwhile)
Satsu: **puts on TV** huh Jacob is on TV!!!
Shun: Really? Wait is it a battle?
Satsu: Yes, Idiot now come over here!
Shun: Who's that?
(Shun says Confused)
(Back to the battle)
Austin: also my beys name is Savage Auolus!
Jacob: Cool! JACKAL JAX VORTAGE!!
(Jackal comes charging at Auolus)
Austin 's mind: Woah he got there so fast luckily I evolved Auolus to a justice bey!
Austin: Savage smash!
(Auolus dodges it and clashes into Jackal like a bill chasing a red flag)
Gaza: WOW FOLKS THAT'S MY BROTHER!!!!!
(Gaza says excited)
Jacob: Your strong I'll give you that!!
(Jacob has a flashback)
???: Your a weekling!!
Young Jacob: N-no my mommy sawmill be one of the best!
???: Ha she was telling you what you wanted to here your NEVER gonna be one of the best!!!
(End of flashback)
Jacob: N-no not again I will loose... JACKAL JAX WHIP!!!
(Auolus burst)
Austin: Woah great battle 👍
(Austin says putting a thumbs up)
Jacob: You to! Well I have to head back now later!
Austin: Okay! It was good battling you!
Gaza: And that's the end of it folks the for catching the live stream until next time!!!
(Jacob goes to the base)
Shun: YOU DID GREAT!!
Sastu: I goes hand it to ya you were great.
(Satsu says sarcastically proud)
Jacob: The guys b it J gotta head home later! UnseenBurst can you rate this chapter? Nice job Justice 👍
Thx dude!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 23, 2021
Yo LegendJustice since I'm lazy when typing can I call you LJ? You can call me UB when your not quoting me (If you say yes just like the post)
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
You can anyone can I'm to lazy at type
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 12:50 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: You can anyone can I'm to lazy at type
Thanks LJ
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 12:51 AM)UnseenBurst Wrote: (Jun. 23, 2021 12:50 AM)LegendJustice Wrote: You can anyone can I'm to lazy at type
Thanks LJ
Np
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - ColdFlames13 - Jun. 23, 2021
Lol I'm dying cuz of "Auolus"
I'm going to make a few characters for my fan - fic
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 2:39 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Lol I'm dying cuz of "Auolus"
I'm going to make a few characters for my fan - fic
Okay lol also the next chapter will take some time maybe in like 3 hours so it's gonna be EXTRA long
UnseenBurst in the next chapter your character will be coming in and satsu is gonna be on here A game
A game = Roasting your character
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - GenesisBlader - Jun. 23, 2021
justice i am very very very very very very very very very very very very very very VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY sorry to interupt but are you still like, doing the character competition?
you dont even have to reply to this rn you can reply whenever
dang three hours thats gotta be a prety splendid chapter
alright justice once again gl on ur fanfic ima go add sumn to my new one
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 7:08 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: justice i am very very very very very very very very very very very very very very VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY sorry to interupt but are you still like, doing the character competition?
you dont even have to reply to this rn you can reply whenever
dang three hours thats gotta be a prety splendid chapter
alright justice once again gl on ur fanfic ima go add sumn to my new one
Yeah one more spot left
Jax Jackal: IS the bey in my pfp
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 6:44 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 23, 2021 2:39 PM)ColdFlames13 Wrote: Lol I'm dying cuz of "Auolus"
I'm going to make a few characters for my fan - fic
Okay lol also the next chapter will take some time maybe in like 3 hours so it's gonna be EXTRA long
UnseenBurst in the next chapter your character will be coming in and satsu is gonna be on here A game
A game = Roasting your character
Wait I won the Character Contest?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 9:10 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: (Jun. 23, 2021 6:44 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: Okay lol also the next chapter will take some time maybe in like 3 hours so it's gonna be EXTRA long
UnseenBurst in the next chapter your character will be coming in and satsu is gonna be on here A game
A game = Roasting your character
Wait I won the Character Contest?
yes along with 3 people
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 23, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 9:31 PM)LegendJustice Wrote: (Jun. 23, 2021 9:10 PM)UnseenBurst Wrote: Wait I won the Character Contest?
yes along with 3 people
Ok thanks
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - GenesisBlader - Jun. 23, 2021
T O O l A T E A G H
guys since im bored ima give you some character/ beyblade ideas
that i might just use in my storyline (hint hint eh?)
Gale Huminaru - Beyblade: Flight Gryphon Helix Soar
Dago Ralare - Beyblade: Reap Deathscyther Metal Blade
Argo Karanu - Beyblade: Battle Apex Warhammer Iron'
Jack Haden - Beyblade Hold Jaden Mystik Aurora
Sean Orinaro - Beyblade: Ogre Solomon Axe Crypt
now that you think about it ima use sean in my fanfic
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 24, 2021
(Jun. 23, 2021 9:34 PM)BladeKingX Wrote: T O O l A T E A G H
guys since im bored ima give you some character/ beyblade ideas
that i might just use in my storyline (hint hint eh?)
Gale Huminaru - Beyblade: Flight Gryphon Helix Soar
Dago Ralare - Beyblade: Reap Deathscyther Metal Blade
Argo Karanu - Beyblade: Battle Apex Warhammer Iron'
Jack Haden - Beyblade Hold Jaden Mystik Aurora
Sean Orinaro - Beyblade: Ogre Solomon Axe Crypt
now that you think about it ima use sean in my fanfic
Nice
Almost done with chapter 12!!!
Chapter 12
Enter Rebel Raboot!!!!
Shun: So how are you enjoying victory?!
(Shun said in excitement)
Jacob: Shun Its great for the first time Satsu bought for the slushi!!!
Shun: She WHAT!!!?????
(Shun said disgusted)
Jacob: Yeah I was surprised my self.
(Jacob said calmy)
Shun: She will be hearing from my lawyers.
(Shun said disgusted)
Satsu: I'm back idiot boys.
Jacob & Shun: And she's back.
(The boys said is a Sarcastic way)
Satsu: And I'm leaving to go battle at bey grove.
(Satsu said calmy)
Shun: Okay we have the hole base to ourselves! Let's watch the match!
Jacob: What Match?
Shun: .... You disgust me.
(Shun said disgusted)
Jacob: umm seriously what match?
Shun: The Dante Koryu vs Lui shirasaigi match!
Jacob: Nah I wanna watch the Khalzer vs Roktavor!
Shun: Nope we watch mine first!!
(Shun said demanding)
Jacob: Okay, Okay Chill.
(Meanwhile)
Satsu: I don't need boys I'm a strong girl I don't need them!!
???: Are you okay?
Satsu: Huh yeah I'm fine!
Remington: Okay whatever names Remington.
Satsu 's mind: Snap he was just being nice to me now he just Changed!!!! Jerk!
Remington: Also do I know you? Wait I know now your one of the creators of Justice beys!
Satsu: Yeah! But I did all the work!
(Satsu says proud)
Remington: Sure, **says sarcastically** battle me!
Satsu: Okay but he warned your going down!
Gazo: Huh Satsu?
Satsu: Oh your the kid who was reffing Jacob's match!
Gazo: can I reff this match?
Remington: Sure I guess.
Gazo: okay! Ready? Set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Satsu & Remington: Let it rip!!!
Satsu: Okay! Let's pick the pace Sunset!!!
Gazo: Wow Sunset is speeding up!!!
Satsu: Oh that's not what were doing. NOW BREAK IN!!
(Sunset circles around Raboot)
Remington: Your smart I'll give you that. NOW BREAK FREE!!!
(Raboot breaks out of it With a Kick)
Satsu 's mind: Impossible... No-one can break free...
(Satsu says in disbelieve)
Satsu: SATOMB SMASH!!
Remington: REBEL KICK!!!
(Both beys burst)
Gazo: simultaneous burst finish! No points rewarded.
Satsu: **looks at sunset**.
Sunset: Satsu, dear what's troubling you?
Satsu: Well it's just that this guy is really strong I don't wanna fail the team.
(Satsu says sad)
Sunset: Do not worry, Satsu why do you enjoy playing beyblade?
Satsu: Cause I like fighting and beybade! One day I'm gonna be a champion!
Sunset: I see then have faith in yourself!
Satsu: Thank you Sunset! Your a true friend
Remington: Raboot are you ready?
Raboot: Yes I am.
Remington: Then let's win!
Raboot: Okay!
Gazo: Okay defend battle Ready? Set!
All: 3! 2! 1!
Satsu & Remington: LET IT RIP!!!
Gazo: Wow both of them pull out a Justice launch!!
(Meanwhile)
Shun: NOOOOOO DANTE YOU LOST!!!!!
Jacob: GO LUI GO LUI GO LUI!!!
(Back to the battle)
(Reboot starts attacking)
Remington: Quick attack!!
(Raboot speeds up)
Satsu: NOW!!!
(Both beys burst)
Gazo: I gotta head home but both beys burst another draw!!!!!?????!!!!
Satsu: Oh I'm heading home to I guess later ** picks up sunset** I'm winning the next battle chow!
Remington: Try and stop me! Feel free to date it was gonna be longer but I'm tired
UnseenBurst can you rate it?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 24, 2021
Wow can anyone rate my reason chapter cause I’m about to make another one!?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - GenesisBlader - Jun. 24, 2021
ok sure me
I dont really know how to rate, but its worth a try!
Grammar: 3/5 - Sometimes I would see like 1/5 of the story either misspelled or out of place. This is one of the very few weaknesses of the story.
Story: 5/5 - The story is awesome, I love how it's unique and fits like a puzzle piece into the beyblade storyline, awesome!
Battles: 4/5 - They have indeed gotten better, and I love the extra details. Nice job!
Interaction: 5/5 - Lol there is nothing to say about this really it has the characters talking very often and distinctively. Cool Beans!
Overall: 17/20 - This story definitely has room to grow, but its doing pretty great so far! Good job!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 25, 2021
Chapter 13
Air ship
Hanami: hello Bladers you all know the air ship? Well it’s the battle cruise but in the air and here are the bladers who got in! 1. Jacob Kong 2. Satsu Mado 3. Shun Kagami 4. Ryui Kagam 5. Austin Murphy 6. Gazo Murphy 7. Remington Aoikai 8. Ronin Louisa 9. Ronan Redected 10. Fukui Sumitro 11. Shinzo Lobito 12. Gizmo KaiKo!! Good luck to all of you bladers!
Jacob **Turns off TV** I-I GOT IN MOM CANCLE SUMMER CAMP I GOT PLANS!!!!
(At Shun’s house)
Shun: YES BABY **starts dancing** let’s go SYSTEM WE WILL BE THE BEST
(At Satsu house)
Satsu: Eh, I knew I was gonna get in.
(At Kick house)
Remington: Raboot LETS GOOOO!!!
(At Austin’s house)
Austin: WE MADE IT
Gaza: HIPPY HI DO LETS GOOO!!!
(At Ronin’s new warehouse)
Ronin: Guys back my bags I’m headin to Hollywood Beyblade.
(Ronin said demanding)
-Everyone heads to the Airport-
Jacob’s mom: MY BABY **crys** MY BABY!!
(Mom said in tears)
Jacob: Don’t worry mom I’ll be fine they have good dorms and everything!
Aiger: HEY EVERYONE HOP ON BOARD WE DON’T HAVE ALL THEY!!
Jacob: A-aiger akabane!
All: Okay!
Shun: Congratulations on getting in everyone!
Remington: Yeah, Yeah be quite.
Shun: Rude.
(Shun said sassy)
Hanami: WELCOME BLADERS!! So let me tell you how this works, so you have 3 lives every time you loose a match one of your lives is eliminated and if you get 3 looses your out, got it?!!!
All: Got it!
Hanami: OKAY!!!! So Now I will be telling you guys your dorms before we get flying be warned this plane is EXTREMELY big!! So don’t try and get lost haha so Jacob & Shun, Remington & Ryui, Satsu & Ronin, Austin & Gazo, Shinzo & Gizmo, Fukui & Ronan!
Satsu’s mind: Don’t tell me I have to share with that jerk!
Ronin’s mind: No, why did the world do this to me!!
(Remington says disappointed)
Hanami: Well give you some time to move your stuff in!
Shun: Yes where roomies!
Jacob: Yup!
Ronin: Okay you stay in your side and I stay only side deal?
Satsu: Deal! This was just moving in and stuff next chapter is gonna be average long but really good!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - GenesisBlader - Jun. 25, 2021
nice chapter!
these chapters really make me wanna rethink the way i wanna do my chapters, lol!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - LegendJustice - Jun. 25, 2021
(Jun. 25, 2021 3:24 AM)BladeKingX Wrote: nice chapter!
these chapters really make me wanna rethink the way i wanna do my chapters, lol!
Thx!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - GenesisBlader - Jun. 25, 2021
no problemo
bippity boppity beyblade burst matrix episode 2 is tomorrow's property
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - SacredXcalibur - Jun. 25, 2021
(Jun. 25, 2021 3:39 AM)BladeKingX Wrote: no problemo
bippity boppity beyblade burst matrix episode 2 is tomorrow's property
please don't self promote on someone else's thread. it's rude.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - UnseenBurst - Jun. 25, 2021
(Jun. 25, 2021 4:42 AM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: (Jun. 25, 2021 3:39 AM)BladeKingX Wrote: no problemo
bippity boppity beyblade burst matrix episode 2 is tomorrow's property
please don't self promote on someone else's thread. it's rude.
Ease up a bit he's new
RE: Beyblade Burst: Justice (Character Contest) - GenesisBlader - Jun. 25, 2021
(Jun. 25, 2021 4:42 AM)SacredXcalibur Wrote: (Jun. 25, 2021 3:39 AM)BladeKingX Wrote: no problemo
bippity boppity beyblade burst matrix episode 2 is tomorrow's property
please don't self promote on someone else's thread. it's rude.
ok my bad
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