Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - #Fafnir - Aug. 01, 2020
I've started writing fan fiction again, despite my last one being really bad.
Prologue (I've changed the writing style since I've wrote this.)
It was a sunny but cold day in Japan. Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai were running together, discussing a few things as they ran.
“So, have you ever thought that we may be getting a little too old for this?” Asked Valt, the current Beyblade champion.
“I have. But what would we do every day? Beyblade is our passion, and I don’t want to quit it entirely.” Responded Shu.
“Maybe we could help beginners get better. That way, we’d still be doing what we love!” Said Valt.
“Great thinking Valt! Let’s start scouting at Beigoma Academy.” said Shu.
*Valt and Shu run to Beigoma academy to check out the members of the beyblade team*
When they got to the top of the school (where the team practiced), they only saw two boys, both looked around 13. Valt began to ask them questions.
“So, are you two the only members of Beigoma Academy Bey Club?” He asked.
“Yep. We’ve been trying to get people to join for ages, but no one seems to care to. By the way, my name is Corbin Osaka, and this is my friend Orlando Kyoto.”
*Orlando then pulled Corbin aside*
“Do you even know who you were just talking to? Whispered Orlando.
“No, who are they?” Asked Corbin.
“You’ve got to be joking. That’s the current Beyblade Champion Valt Aoi, and the man standing next to him is the legendary Shu Kurenai!” Said Orlando.
“WOAH! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” Yelled Corbin”
“Shh, cool your jets Corbin! Just play it cool.” Said Orlando.
“Nice to meet you Corbin! And hello to you too, Orlando. Shu and I came to ask if you’d like us to train you to be the best of the best.” Answered Valt.
“YES YES OF COURSE!” Corbin and Orlando yelled in unison.
“Alright then. We start training here tomorrow right after school” said Valt.
*Valt and Shu then walked off*
“That was… unexpected, but awesome at the same time.” Said Orlando.
“Definitely! We better head home though, it’s about dinner time, I can feel it.” Answered Corbin.”
To Be Continued in Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
Edit: As of 04/07/2022, the series is officially done. After losing everything in a hard drive replacement, I lost the urge to continue, as I lost everything from the plot, characters, list of Beyblades, chapter names, to even several chapters I had pre-written.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - BuilderROB - Aug. 01, 2020
I can’t wait to see where this story goes! I will probably be keeping up with this fan fiction.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - #Fafnir - Aug. 01, 2020
(Aug. 01, 2020 6:03 PM)BuilderROB Wrote: I can’t wait to see where this story goes! I will probably be keeping up with this fan fiction.
It's going to get very interesting.
If anyone wants plot spoilers, PM me.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - DeltaZakuro - Aug. 01, 2020
Very awesome.
Which one is the main character? Corbin or Orlando? Or both?
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - #Fafnir - Aug. 01, 2020
(Aug. 01, 2020 6:39 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Very awesome.
Which one is the main character? Corbin or Orlando? Or both?
Both. Something similar to Hyuga and Hikaru. 
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - snoc - Aug. 01, 2020
Looks really good so far, definitely gonna follow this story!
And based on your recent post one of them will probably go missing or evil, I bet on it being Orlando.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - #Fafnir - Aug. 15, 2020
Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
It was the day after Corbin and Orlando met Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai. They were both sitting in English class, waiting to get their English test grades back.
“Very nice, Orlando. Corbin, study harder next time, ok?” Said Mr. Blade, their English teacher.
“Yes sir” Responded Corbin. Orlando scored 100%, while Corbin scored 70%.
“Barely passing, Corbin. Take a look at this.” Said Orlando. Orlando showed Corbin his test score.
“Showoff” Muttered Corbin, slightly agitated by Orlando scoring higher than him. The bell rings, and students pour out of the classrooms.
“Finally! I’ve been waiting all day for this! We get to train with Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai!” Yelled Corbin.
“Shh. We’re still in the school building. You can get detention for yelling like that you know.” Said Orlando. He was beginning to ask himself why he was friends with someone like this.
“Sorry about that. I’m just super stoked!” Said Corbin, eager to start training. Both Corbin and Orlando walk up to the top of the school where they usually practiced everyday after school. Upon reaching the top, they saw only Valt waiting for them.
“Sup guys. Training will start up here, but will finish in the computer lab.” Said Valt. Both Corbin and Orlando were puzzled by this. Training in the computer lab didn’t seem practical.
“Alright, let's see what you’ve got!” Said Valt. Corbin and Orlando took out their beyblades and placed them on their launchers.
“3! 2! 1! Go… SHOOT!” Yelled Corbin and Orlando in unison. Orlando’s World Longinus 5Turn Revolve 1S quickly took the center of the stadium, and Corbin’s Brave Diabolos 2Cross Unite 1D zoomed across the stadium at high speeds.
“Attack, Diabolos! Get the center!” Yelled Corbin. Diabolos rushed to the center of the stadium for an attack.
“Dodge it, Longinus! Then counterattack!” Commanded Orlando. Longinus barely dodged Diabolos in time, and then gave a massive counterattack that sent Diabolos out of the stadium.
“Dang it! I should’ve won that one!” Whined Corbin. He then picked up Diabolos and held it in his hand. He then clenched it. “We’ll win next time, I promise.” He whispered.
“Well done you two! Now let’s head to the computer lab.” Said Valt. Valt, Corbin, and Orlando then ran into the Computer Lab. There they saw Shu, on a computer.
“Whatcha doin’ Shu?” Asked Corbin.
“Preparing the computer for you or Orlando to use. We’re going to let you design your own beyblades.” Responded Shu.
“NO WAY! THAT’S EPIC!” Yelled Corbin.
“Dang it Corbin, we’ve been over this many times! Quit being so loud!” Yelled Orlando, frustrated at the way Corbin was acting around his two role models.
“This one is ready. Corbin, Orlando. Rock paper scissors to decide who gets to design here with me. The other will get to practice their launching forms with Valt.” Said Shu.
“Rock, paper, scissors shoot!” They yelled. Corbin picked Rock, while Orlando picked Scissors.
“YES! I GET TO DESIGN MY OWN BEYBLADE WITH SHU KURENAI!” Screeched Corbin.
“Again?!” Asked Orlando, “Corbin, please stop yelling like that! It’s annoying, and it doesn’t do you any good. Act like a normal person, ok?” Valt and Shu chuckled. They remembered when they used to fight like this.
“Come with me, Orlando.” said Valt. They both went back to the stadium at the top of the school to practice launching.
“Alright Corbin, you’re all set! You can design any kind of beyblade you’d like!” Said Shu. Corbin thought about what it would look like. He knew he wanted a dual-rotating balance type beyblade, but he had no clue about the design. He then remembered watching Valt battle Aiga on T.V. a few years back.
“I got it! 3 Blades for attack like Valkyrie, and 3 Wings for defense like Achilles!” He yelled. He then got straight to work.
Shu thought about what Corbin had said. It must be a balance type. This will certainly be interesting. Corbin had just finished when Valt and Orlando walked into the room.
“Nice design Corbin! I’ll upload the file to the printer, it should be done tomorrow evening. In the meantime, let’s call it a day. We’ll meet here tomorrow, same time.” Said Shu.
“Alrighty” said Corbin. He then ran home, ate dinner, did his homework, and went to bed. He tossed and turned all night, thinking about his new beyblade. He was still awake when his alarm clock went off. He then got out of bed, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed off to school.
Corbin was drowsy throughout the day, although he managed to stay awake during all of his classes. When school was over, he went to the computer lab to check out his beyblade. He sat in the chair in front of one of the computers to make sure his beyblade had finished printing, but instead of actually checking, he fell asleep. Orlando, Valt, and Shu walked into the room and saw Corbin sleeping.
“Should I wake him up?” Orlando asked.
“Nah, he’s out cold. We should let him sleep. In the meantime, why don’t you work on your beyblade?” Answered Shu. Orlando then got started on his beyblade. Orlando had just finished his beyblade when Corbin began to wake up.
“Ah, that was a nice nap.” Said Corbin.
“Do you want to see your beyblade?” Shu asked.
“I FORGOT ALL ABOUT MY BEYBLADE! I WANNA SEE IT, I WANNA SEEEE IT!!” Yelled Corbin. Shu then showed Corbin the three beyblade parts: A layer, a disk, and a driver.
“They look awesome! But I only designed the layer.” Said Corbin.
“I know. I was in the room when you said you wanted a balance type, and I thought I’d design a few extra parts to improve the performance. The disk is 0’, and the driver is Shift.
“Awesome!” Said Corbin. He put the beyblade together and started to think of names. “I’ve got it! I’ll call you Hyper Chrysus!” Said Corbin. He was very excited to try it out.
“Now, you already know that it’s dual spin, but what you don’t know is that the Shift driver isn’t normal. It can change between 3 different tips. The performance varies with each one. There’s a POM plastic sharp tip for stamina, a rubber ball tip for defense, and a metal flat tip for attack.” Said Shu.
“This is super cool!” Yelled Corbin.
“Go try it out, Corbin!” Said Valt. Corbin, Orlando, Valt, and Shu then went to the top of the school where the stadium was.
“I’ve never been more excited in my life!” Said Corbin.
“One more thing. Take this, you’ll need it to launch Chrysus.” Said Shu. He then handed Corbin a dual-spin string launcher.
“Thanks Shu!” Said Corbin. He then put Chrysus on the launcher.
“3! 2! 1! Go…Shoot!” Corbin yelled. Chrysus fell to the stadium and circled around in right-rotating attack mode. Chrysus was going so fast it flew right out of the stadium.
“Try again.” Said Valt. So Corbin tried again, the same thing happened.
“Try angling your launcher. Also, when you’re pulling the launcher string, keep your arm straight.” Said Shu. Corbin then tried it that way. Instead of flying right out of the stadium, Chrysus made a flower pattern.
“Wow! It worked! Thanks Shu!” Said Corbin.
“Well, it’s starting to get a little late. We should all call it a day. Tomorrow is Saturday, so we can spend the whole day practicing.” Said Valt. Everyone agreed and went home… except for Corbin. He stayed and practiced for a little while longer.
“Go… Shoot!” He yelled. Chrysus went flying out of the stadium again. He hadn’t had a successful launch since the others left.
What am I doing wrong? Corbin asked himself. He then saw a mysterious figure approaching. He had blonde hair, red eyes, and wore a black shirt.
“Need any help?” He asked.
To Be Continued In Chapter 2: Ultimate Stamina! Spin Orion!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - BuilderROB - Aug. 15, 2020
(Aug. 15, 2020 6:01 PM)#Fafnir Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
It was the day after Corbin and Orlando met Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai. They were both sitting in English class, waiting to get their English test grades back.
“Very nice, Orlando. Corbin, study harder next time, ok?” Said Mr. Blade, their English teacher.
“Yes sir” Responded Corbin. Orlando scored 100%, while Corbin scored 70%.
“Barely passing, Corbin. Take a look at this.” Said Orlando. Orlando showed Corbin his test score.
“Showoff” Muttered Corbin, slightly agitated by Orlando scoring higher than him. The bell rings, and students pour out of the classrooms.
“Finally! I’ve been waiting all day for this! We get to train with Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai!” Yelled Corbin.
“Shh. We’re still in the school building. You can get detention for yelling like that you know.” Said Orlando. He was beginning to ask himself why he was friends with someone like this.
“Sorry about that. I’m just super stoked!” Said Corbin, eager to start training. Both Corbin and Orlando walk up to the top of the school where they usually practiced everyday after school. Upon reaching the top, they saw only Valt waiting for them.
“Sup guys. Training will start up here, but will finish in the computer lab.” Said Valt. Both Corbin and Orlando were puzzled by this. Training in the computer lab didn’t seem practical.
“Alright, let's see what you’ve got!” Said Valt. Corbin and Orlando took out their beyblades and placed them on their launchers.
“3! 2! 1! Go… SHOOT!” Yelled Corbin and Orlando in unison. Orlando’s World Longinus 5Turn Revolve 1S quickly took the center of the stadium, and Corbin’s Brave Diabolos 2Cross Unite 1D zoomed across the stadium at high speeds.
“Attack, Diabolos! Get the center!” Yelled Corbin. Diabolos rushed to the center of the stadium for an attack.
“Dodge it, Longinus! Then counterattack!” Commanded Orlando. Longinus barely dodged Diabolos in time, and then gave a massive counterattack that sent Diabolos out of the stadium.
“Dang it! I should’ve won that one!” Whined Corbin. He then picked up Diabolos and held it in his hand. He then clenched it. “We’ll win next time, I promise.” He whispered.
“Well done you two! Now let’s head to the computer lab.” Said Valt. Valt, Corbin, and Orlando then ran into the Computer Lab. There they saw Shu, on a computer.
“Whatcha doin’ Shu?” Asked Corbin.
“Preparing the computer for you or Orlando to use. We’re going to let you design your own beyblades.” Responded Shu.
“NO WAY! THAT’S EPIC!” Yelled Corbin.
“Dang it Corbin, we’ve been over this many times! Quit being so loud!” Yelled Orlando, frustrated at the way Corbin was acting around his two role models.
“This one is ready. Corbin, Orlando. Rock paper scissors to decide who gets to design here with me. The other will get to practice their launching forms with Valt.” Said Shu.
“Rock, paper, scissors shoot!” They yelled. Corbin picked Rock, while Orlando picked Scissors.
“YES! I GET TO DESIGN MY OWN BEYBLADE WITH SHU KURENAI!” Screeched Corbin.
“Again?!” Asked Orlando, “Corbin, please stop yelling like that! It’s annoying, and it doesn’t do you any good. Act like a normal person, ok?” Valt and Shu chuckled. They remembered when they used to fight like this.
“Come with me, Orlando.” said Valt. They both went back to the stadium at the top of the school to practice launching.
“Alright Corbin, you’re all set! You can design any kind of beyblade you’d like!” Said Shu. Corbin thought about what it would look like. He knew he wanted a dual-rotating balance type beyblade, but he had no clue about the design. He then remembered watching Valt battle Aiga on T.V. a few years back.
“I got it! 3 Blades for attack like Valkyrie, and 3 Wings for defense like Achilles!” He yelled. He then got straight to work.
Shu thought about what Corbin had said. It must be a balance type. This will certainly be interesting. Corbin had just finished when Valt and Orlando walked into the room.
“Nice design Corbin! I’ll upload the file to the printer, it should be done tomorrow evening. In the meantime, let’s call it a day. We’ll meet here tomorrow, same time.” Said Shu.
“Alrighty” said Corbin. He then ran home, ate dinner, did his homework, and went to bed. He tossed and turned all night, thinking about his new beyblade. He was still awake when his alarm clock went off. He then got out of bed, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed off to school.
Corbin was drowsy throughout the day, although he managed to stay awake during all of his classes. When school was over, he went to the computer lab to check out his beyblade. He sat in the chair in front of one of the computers to make sure his beyblade had finished printing, but instead of actually checking, he fell asleep. Orlando, Valt, and Shu walked into the room and saw Corbin sleeping.
“Should I wake him up?” Orlando asked.
“Nah, he’s out cold. We should let him sleep. In the meantime, why don’t you work on your beyblade?” Answered Shu. Orlando then got started on his beyblade. Orlando had just finished his beyblade when Corbin began to wake up.
“Ah, that was a nice nap.” Said Corbin.
“Do you want to see your beyblade?” Shu asked.
“I FORGOT ALL ABOUT MY BEYBLADE! I WANNA SEE IT, I WANNA SEEEE IT!!” Yelled Corbin. Shu then showed Corbin the three beyblade parts: A layer, a disk, and a driver.
“They look awesome! But I only designed the layer.” Said Corbin.
“I know. I was in the room when you said you wanted a balance type, and I thought I’d design a few extra parts to improve the performance. The disk is 0’, and the driver is Shift.
“Awesome!” Said Corbin. He put the beyblade together and started to think of names. “I’ve got it! I’ll call you Hyper Chrysus!” Said Corbin. He was very excited to try it out.
“Now, you already know that it’s dual spin, but what you don’t know is that the Shift driver isn’t normal. It can change between 3 different tips. The performance varies with each one. There’s a POM plastic sharp tip for stamina, a rubber ball tip for defense, and a metal flat tip for attack.” Said Shu.
“This is super cool!” Yelled Corbin.
“Go try it out, Corbin!” Said Valt. Corbin, Orlando, Valt, and Shu then went to the top of the school where the stadium was.
“I’ve never been more excited in my life!” Said Corbin.
“One more thing. Take this, you’ll need it to launch Chrysus.” Said Shu. He then handed Corbin a dual-spin string launcher.
“Thanks Shu!” Said Corbin. He then put Chrysus on the launcher.
“3! 2! 1! Go…Shoot!” Corbin yelled. Chrysus fell to the stadium and circled around in right-rotating attack mode. Chrysus was going so fast it flew right out of the stadium.
“Try again.” Said Valt. So Corbin tried again, the same thing happened.
“Try angling your launcher. Also, when you’re pulling the launcher string, keep your arm straight.” Said Shu. Corbin then tried it that way. Instead of flying right out of the stadium, Chrysus made a flower pattern.
“Wow! It worked! Thanks Shu!” Said Corbin.
“Well, it’s starting to get a little late. We should all call it a day. Tomorrow is Saturday, so we can spend the whole day practicing.” Said Valt. Everyone agreed and went home… except for Corbin. He stayed and practiced for a little while longer.
“Go… Shoot!” He yelled. Chrysus went flying out of the stadium again. He hadn’t had a successful launch since the others left.
What am I doing wrong? Corbin asked himself. He then saw a mysterious figure approaching. He had blonde hair, red eyes, and wore a black shirt.
“Need any help?” He asked.
To Be Continued In Chapter 2: Ultimate Stamina! Spin Orion!
Great chapter! I am gonna have to look up who the mysterious figure is. Anyways, excited for the next chapter.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - Master_chanter0 - Aug. 15, 2020
Amazing! I am looking forward to the next chapters!
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - CheetoBlader - Aug. 15, 2020
(Aug. 15, 2020 6:01 PM)#Fafnir Wrote: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
Chapter 1: Balance! Hyper Chrysus!
It was the day after Corbin and Orlando met Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai. They were both sitting in English class, waiting to get their English test grades back.
“Very nice, Orlando. Corbin, study harder next time, ok?” Said Mr. Blade, their English teacher.
“Yes sir” Responded Corbin. Orlando scored 100%, while Corbin scored 70%.
“Barely passing, Corbin. Take a look at this.” Said Orlando. Orlando showed Corbin his test score.
“Showoff” Muttered Corbin, slightly agitated by Orlando scoring higher than him. The bell rings, and students pour out of the classrooms.
“Finally! I’ve been waiting all day for this! We get to train with Valt Aoi and Shu Kurenai!” Yelled Corbin.
“Shh. We’re still in the school building. You can get detention for yelling like that you know.” Said Orlando. He was beginning to ask himself why he was friends with someone like this.
“Sorry about that. I’m just super stoked!” Said Corbin, eager to start training. Both Corbin and Orlando walk up to the top of the school where they usually practiced everyday after school. Upon reaching the top, they saw only Valt waiting for them.
“Sup guys. Training will start up here, but will finish in the computer lab.” Said Valt. Both Corbin and Orlando were puzzled by this. Training in the computer lab didn’t seem practical.
“Alright, let's see what you’ve got!” Said Valt. Corbin and Orlando took out their beyblades and placed them on their launchers.
“3! 2! 1! Go… SHOOT!” Yelled Corbin and Orlando in unison. Orlando’s World Longinus 5Turn Revolve 1S quickly took the center of the stadium, and Corbin’s Brave Diabolos 2Cross Unite 1D zoomed across the stadium at high speeds.
“Attack, Diabolos! Get the center!” Yelled Corbin. Diabolos rushed to the center of the stadium for an attack.
“Dodge it, Longinus! Then counterattack!” Commanded Orlando. Longinus barely dodged Diabolos in time, and then gave a massive counterattack that sent Diabolos out of the stadium.
“Dang it! I should’ve won that one!” Whined Corbin. He then picked up Diabolos and held it in his hand. He then clenched it. “We’ll win next time, I promise.” He whispered.
“Well done you two! Now let’s head to the computer lab.” Said Valt. Valt, Corbin, and Orlando then ran into the Computer Lab. There they saw Shu, on a computer.
“Whatcha doin’ Shu?” Asked Corbin.
“Preparing the computer for you or Orlando to use. We’re going to let you design your own beyblades.” Responded Shu.
“NO WAY! THAT’S EPIC!” Yelled Corbin.
“Dang it Corbin, we’ve been over this many times! Quit being so loud!” Yelled Orlando, frustrated at the way Corbin was acting around his two role models.
“This one is ready. Corbin, Orlando. Rock paper scissors to decide who gets to design here with me. The other will get to practice their launching forms with Valt.” Said Shu.
“Rock, paper, scissors shoot!” They yelled. Corbin picked Rock, while Orlando picked Scissors.
“YES! I GET TO DESIGN MY OWN BEYBLADE WITH SHU KURENAI!” Screeched Corbin.
“Again?!” Asked Orlando, “Corbin, please stop yelling like that! It’s annoying, and it doesn’t do you any good. Act like a normal person, ok?” Valt and Shu chuckled. They remembered when they used to fight like this.
“Come with me, Orlando.” said Valt. They both went back to the stadium at the top of the school to practice launching.
“Alright Corbin, you’re all set! You can design any kind of beyblade you’d like!” Said Shu. Corbin thought about what it would look like. He knew he wanted a dual-rotating balance type beyblade, but he had no clue about the design. He then remembered watching Valt battle Aiga on T.V. a few years back.
“I got it! 3 Blades for attack like Valkyrie, and 3 Wings for defense like Achilles!” He yelled. He then got straight to work.
Shu thought about what Corbin had said. It must be a balance type. This will certainly be interesting. Corbin had just finished when Valt and Orlando walked into the room.
“Nice design Corbin! I’ll upload the file to the printer, it should be done tomorrow evening. In the meantime, let’s call it a day. We’ll meet here tomorrow, same time.” Said Shu.
“Alrighty” said Corbin. He then ran home, ate dinner, did his homework, and went to bed. He tossed and turned all night, thinking about his new beyblade. He was still awake when his alarm clock went off. He then got out of bed, got dressed, ate breakfast, and headed off to school.
Corbin was drowsy throughout the day, although he managed to stay awake during all of his classes. When school was over, he went to the computer lab to check out his beyblade. He sat in the chair in front of one of the computers to make sure his beyblade had finished printing, but instead of actually checking, he fell asleep. Orlando, Valt, and Shu walked into the room and saw Corbin sleeping.
“Should I wake him up?” Orlando asked.
“Nah, he’s out cold. We should let him sleep. In the meantime, why don’t you work on your beyblade?” Answered Shu. Orlando then got started on his beyblade. Orlando had just finished his beyblade when Corbin began to wake up.
“Ah, that was a nice nap.” Said Corbin.
“Do you want to see your beyblade?” Shu asked.
“I FORGOT ALL ABOUT MY BEYBLADE! I WANNA SEE IT, I WANNA SEEEE IT!!” Yelled Corbin. Shu then showed Corbin the three beyblade parts: A layer, a disk, and a driver.
“They look awesome! But I only designed the layer.” Said Corbin.
“I know. I was in the room when you said you wanted a balance type, and I thought I’d design a few extra parts to improve the performance. The disk is 0’, and the driver is Shift.
“Awesome!” Said Corbin. He put the beyblade together and started to think of names. “I’ve got it! I’ll call you Hyper Chrysus!” Said Corbin. He was very excited to try it out.
“Now, you already know that it’s dual spin, but what you don’t know is that the Shift driver isn’t normal. It can change between 3 different tips. The performance varies with each one. There’s a POM plastic sharp tip for stamina, a rubber ball tip for defense, and a metal flat tip for attack.” Said Shu.
“This is super cool!” Yelled Corbin.
“Go try it out, Corbin!” Said Valt. Corbin, Orlando, Valt, and Shu then went to the top of the school where the stadium was.
“I’ve never been more excited in my life!” Said Corbin.
“One more thing. Take this, you’ll need it to launch Chrysus.” Said Shu. He then handed Corbin a dual-spin string launcher.
“Thanks Shu!” Said Corbin. He then put Chrysus on the launcher.
“3! 2! 1! Go…Shoot!” Corbin yelled. Chrysus fell to the stadium and circled around in right-rotating attack mode. Chrysus was going so fast it flew right out of the stadium.
“Try again.” Said Valt. So Corbin tried again, the same thing happened.
“Try angling your launcher. Also, when you’re pulling the launcher string, keep your arm straight.” Said Shu. Corbin then tried it that way. Instead of flying right out of the stadium, Chrysus made a flower pattern.
“Wow! It worked! Thanks Shu!” Said Corbin.
“Well, it’s starting to get a little late. We should all call it a day. Tomorrow is Saturday, so we can spend the whole day practicing.” Said Valt. Everyone agreed and went home… except for Corbin. He stayed and practiced for a little while longer.
“Go… Shoot!” He yelled. Chrysus went flying out of the stadium again. He hadn’t had a successful launch since the others left.
What am I doing wrong? Corbin asked himself. He then saw a mysterious figure approaching. He had blonde hair, red eyes, and wore a black shirt.
“Need any help?” He asked.
To Be Continued In Chapter 2: Ultimate Stamina! Spin Orion! I has figured out who this mystery person is mwahaha
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - BuilderROB - Aug. 17, 2020
So #Fafnir and I decided we were gonna do this series together. I am excited to work with #Fafnir on this fan fiction.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - BuilderROB - Aug. 19, 2020
Since lilphilyb is not very active anymore, I have decided to become the new story critic. Let me know what you guys think of this review:
Grammar: 4.5/5
Story: 4/5
Characters: 4/5
Dialogue: 4.5/5
Length: 5/5
Total Score 22/25
This story is good so far. I like the characters, specifically Corbin’s constant yelling was funny and Orlando having to correct him. I’m hoping Corbin isn’t too similar to a Valt character and that he does something original with his character. Same with Orlando. I’m hoping he becomes his own unique character and not TOO much like Shu. Grammar is great, and the length is great as well. The dialogue is also good, however the all caps is a bit unprofessional for a story in my opinion, hence why I took off a point.
Overall, I recommend this story, and am looking forward to more of the chapters.
@ me if you want me to review your fan fiction.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - CheetoBlader - Aug. 20, 2020
Okay, seriously guys, we need to get the WBO fanfic community together to decide on the story critic(s).
I think I’d give it:
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Grammar: 4.5/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Story: 4/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Characters: 4/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Dialogue: 4/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Length: 4.8/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Total Score: 21.3/25.[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Basically the same score lol. Also, shouldn’t the point you took off in dialogue be taken off in grammar? [/font]
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - BuilderROB - Aug. 20, 2020
(Aug. 20, 2020 12:11 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Okay, seriously guys, we need to get the WBO fanfic community together to decide on the story critic(s).
I think I’d give it:
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Grammar: 4.5/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Story: 4/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Characters: 4/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Dialogue: 4/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Length: 4.8/5[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Total Score: 21.3/25.[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Basically the same score lol. Also, shouldn’t the point you took off in dialogue be taken off in grammar? [/font]
Maybe I’ll just take a half off for grammar and dialogue, since technically it’s wrong.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - SacredXcalibur - Oct. 13, 2020
Story critic 3
i'd give this one:
Grammar: 4.5/5
Story:4/5
characters: 4/ 5
dialogue:4/5
length:5/5
Total: 22.5
Overall pretty darn great fanfic
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - EarthHelios - Nov. 12, 2020
This fanfic is pretty good
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - The Blacknight - Nov. 12, 2020
(Nov. 12, 2020 9:57 PM)EarthHelios Wrote: This fanfic is pretty good
almost necroposting. almost.
RE: Beyblade Burst: Rise of New Heroes - EarthHelios - Nov. 12, 2020
(Nov. 12, 2020 10:14 PM)The Blacknight Wrote: (Nov. 12, 2020 9:57 PM)EarthHelios Wrote: This fanfic is pretty good
almost necroposting. almost.
RIght sorry
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