My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - Printable Version +- World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc. (https://worldbeyblade.org) +-- Forum: Off-Topic Forums (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Off-Topic-Forums) +--- Forum: Your Creations (https://worldbeyblade.org/Forum-Your-Creations) +--- Thread: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship (/Thread-My-romantic-story-The-Awkward-Relationship)

My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - Alphaburner - Aug. 11, 2012 Heres my awsome "off-topic story" first the characters!!! Since its romance it must be boy and girl! Raito Shishiya Age:16 One of Fukami no Tokyo University's most charming boys, sometimes calls Emily at 5:30 pm, cool university huh. Emily Oikawa Age:16 Tomboy that believes that she would never be inlove boys, until he saw Raito at recess. Emily did anything she could to get Raito's heart. Jason Kurokaze Age:16 Emily's nephew, also classmate, he did his job as Emily's nephew. Sakura Kinoshiya Age: 16 Emily's bestfriend and Jason's boyfriend, did the same to protect Emily, because she is like a sister to her. CHAPTER 1 : Changes *Recess....* Sakura:Are you sure your never inlove? Jason: Yeah, Emily, are you sure you single FOREVER!!!! Emily:Yep, not every single day! *Raito faces at Emily then Emily's heartbeat is going fast* Jason: Emily, are you alright? Emily:I think I need curry for lunch *acts weird* Sakura:Whats with her? Jason:dunno? *Recess ends...* Teacher: Class, please turn to page 95. Emily: huhhhhh,*keeps drawing anime pictures of Raito* Jasonsst, Sakura, shes acting weird like strange! Sakura: Dont bother her! *After School....* Raito: Hey Emy, want a ride? Emily:He knows my name! *quietly* Emily:ok!! Raitok! Jason:I though we have to go to the meeting at 7:00 pm!*Harsh* Sakura:but good shes inlove! Thats all of Chapter 1! Sorry if its romance, im in a hurry DONT COMPLAIN!!!!:3 RE: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - Blazeburn - Aug. 13, 2012 Its alright... Maybe try writing it in a different format, with less direct speech. But the storyline itself is pretty good. RE: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - Alphaburner - Aug. 16, 2012 Today is exams RE: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - SoulEater57 - Aug. 16, 2012 Use spoiler. And list which is male in female in the character list. RE: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - Viral - Aug. 16, 2012 I'm confused in whose talking to who. And also inlove is in love. RE: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - DARK RAINBOW - Aug. 16, 2012 imma little confused so, Raito Shishiya had noting to do with Emily Oikawa before recess, not friends or anything? then how come she only realizes she's in love now, is Raito a transfer student ? And is is a little weird how a random guy comes up to you and asks: "Want a ride?" i not complaining as such just wanting to help. RE: My romantic story:The Awkward Relationship - Temporal - Aug. 16, 2012 Much of this is culturally incorrect, anyway. For one, rarely do high schools in japan get recess. Maybe gym, and maybe they go outside to eat for a lunch break, but recess is scarce. Second: rarely will a group of 16 year-olds be in university. Third: Jason and Emily are in no way Eastern names. Four: I don't think people become obsessed with others at first sight normally. Not to the point of constantly drawing them when they should be paying attention in class... Five: Erm... Exactly where is this "tomboy" side of Emily, anyway? I'm not necessarily complaining, but this could use some work. It's moving much too fast. Slow things down and describe what's going on.