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+--- Thread: Fan Fiction Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (part 7 ongoing) (/Thread-Fan-Fiction-Beyblade-burst-apocalypse-15-part-7-ongoing)
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - CheetoBlader - Oct. 08, 2020
(Oct. 08, 2020 11:54 PM)kai edits Wrote: Bro if you don't like it don't read it then. Back on topic.
You guys have until Halloween to submit any character submitions/fanfic crossover.
Please quote the post where you announced a contest. I don’t see it
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 08, 2020
(Oct. 08, 2020 11:56 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:Bruh i don't have 20 hands. I have like alot of writing to do.(Oct. 08, 2020 11:54 PM)kai edits Wrote: Bro if you don't like it don't read it then. Back on topic.
You guys have until Halloween to submit any character submitions/fanfic crossover.
Please quote the post where you announced a contest. I don’t see it
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - CheetoBlader - Oct. 08, 2020
(Oct. 08, 2020 11:57 PM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 08, 2020 11:56 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: Please quote the post where you announced a contest. I don’t see itBruh i don't have 20 hands. I have like alot of writing to do.
And yet you have time to make this post. If you don’t have the time to post the details for a contest, then why host one? You didn’t even make an announcement post here
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 09, 2020
(Oct. 08, 2020 11:59 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote:But yet why you quote me and making me come back lol. I will do it when I have a chance. If you don't have any fanfic questions Or a submission you can leave this fanfic Before we spam my thread with nonsense.(Oct. 08, 2020 11:57 PM)kai edits Wrote: Bruh i don't have 20 hands. I have like alot of writing to do.
And yet you have time to make this post. If you don’t have the time to post the details for a contest, then why host one? You didn’t even make an announcement post here
I am not being rude.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - CheetoBlader - Oct. 09, 2020
(Oct. 09, 2020 12:02 AM)kai edits Wrote:I’m not making you come back. You are the one choosing to be online here. That’s your problem, not mine. Don’t play victim here.(Oct. 08, 2020 11:59 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: And yet you have time to make this post. If you don’t have the time to post the details for a contest, then why host one? You didn’t even make an announcement post hereBut yet why you quote me and making me come back lol. I will do it when I have a chance. If you don't have any fanfic questions Or a submission you can leave this fanfic Before we spam my thread with nonsense.
I am not being rude.
We can also just take it to PMs.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 09, 2020
(Oct. 09, 2020 12:04 AM)CheetoBlader Wrote:I add it to the front page smh .(Oct. 09, 2020 12:02 AM)kai edits Wrote: But yet why you quote me and making me come back lol. I will do it when I have a chance. If you don't have any fanfic questions Or a submission you can leave this fanfic Before we spam my thread with nonsense.I’m not making you come back. You are the one choosing to be online here. That’s your problem, not mine. Don’t play victim here.
I am not being rude.
We can also just take it to PMs.
Shun is currently number 7 in the world at the end of arc 4
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 09, 2020
Chapter 2 darkness awakens
In shuns dream
Shun:Akira where are you.
Akira:I am right here
Akira random appears on the floor.
Shun wakes up
Shun:it was that dream again.
Maiden:shun let's battle against shu again.
Shun:maiden we will. Uh my head is hurts.
Maiden:we must become one. We are one join me shun. If we join we will be number 1.
Shun:arghhhhhhhhh
Shun grabs maiden
Shun:maiden let's fuse
During the tournament
Next battle shun vs valt
Shun:tch your a waste of my time valt.
Valt:you seem like a fun blader try to have fun.
In the battle
Valt:go valkyrie victory slash
Shun:muda barrier scream
Maiden blocks valkyrie attack.
Shun and maiden:darkness overdrive
Maiden speeds up and hits valkyrie
Shun:die valkyrie maiden time.
*time stops*
Shun:maiden rose overburst
Maiden hits valkyrie
Shun:time will now resume.
Valkyrie bursts in midair.
Chapter end
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 11, 2020
Warning this chapter has blood in it if your weak hearted do not read this.
Chapter 3 preview maiden flare?
Shun's dream
Akira:shun shun wake up
Shun wakes up
Shun:where am I
Shun gets out of bed
Akira:your ok I thought you got hurt.
Shun:I am fine
Shun hugs akira
Akira is covered with in blood
Shun:ahhhhhhhhhhh
Shun wakes up
Shun:what's with this feeling I can't shake off.
Maiden:we must battle. Battle shun let's make destruction. Do you want akira to get better let me battle for you.
Chapter preview end
BuilderROB
Can you redo the rating on my fanfic now
(Oct. 11, 2020 9:49 AM)mediclinic Wrote: Jednak nie wszystkie diety mają taki efekt. Diety o niskiej zawartości węglowodanów są skuteczne w przypadku utraty wagi i mogą być łatwiejsze do przestrzegania niż inne diety.Bruh moment
Oto 3-etapowy plan odchudzania, który obejmuje dietę niskowęglowodanową i ma na celu:
znacznie zmniejszyć apetyt
powodują szybką utratę wagi
poprawiaj jednocześnie swoje zdrowie metaboliczne
<a href="https://www.mediclinic.com.pl/"> MediClinic </a>
Stop spamming in my dang fanfic thread before I get angry
Be gone spammers
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 11, 2020
Wait there’s a contest? Can I add my character
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 11, 2020
(Oct. 11, 2020 1:34 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: Wait there’s a contest? Can I add my character
Yes just submit it in a pm. On halloween I will pick a random submission
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Golden Freddy - Oct. 11, 2020
(Oct. 11, 2020 5:40 PM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 11, 2020 1:34 PM)Golden Freddy Wrote: Wait there’s a contest? Can I add my character
Yes just submit it in a pm. On halloween I will pick a random submission
Ok let me think
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 11, 2020
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Warning this chapter has blood in it if your weak hearted do not read this.[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Chapter 3 preview maiden flare?[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun's dream[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Akira:shun shun wake up[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun wakes up[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun:where am I[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun gets out of bed[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Akira:your ok I thought you got hurt.[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun:I am fine[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun hugs akira[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Akira is covered with in blood[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun:ahhhhhhhhhhh[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun wakes up[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Shun:what's with this feeling I can't shake off.[/font]
[font="Source Sans Pro", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Maiden:we must battle. Battle shun let's make destruction. Do you want akira to get better let me battle for you.[/font]
Maiden:come on shun let's destroy beys and have fun.
Shun:no
Maiden:yes since you fused with me I am the boss here.
Shun:maiden time
*time stops*
Shun walks to the tournament near by
Next match shun vs aiga
Shun:time will now resume. Aiga I am gonna crush you.
Aiga:lets go Achilles
3 2 1 go shoot
Shun:hmm useless maiden spark
Maiden hits the wall and rebounds into the center
Aiga:nani. I got end this quick Achilles infinity sword
Achilles hits maiden
Shun:pathetic maiden burst
Maiden blocks the attack
Maiden:we are one
Shun and maiden in sync:we are one. Prepare to die achilles Maiden universal scythe
Maiden hits achilles
Chapter 3 preview end
Shun:Next time on beyblade burst apocalypse
Akira:shun shun where are you
Shun:am I right here
Shun:maiden overburst
Will shun beat aiga stay tuned
Chapter 4 shun vs aiga the heated battle.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - SacredXcalibur - Oct. 13, 2020
ok but seriously shun needs some more characterization she's literally just an op blader and nothing more.
a good fan fiction requires good plot arcs for sure but good character arcs are just important.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - DeltaZakuro - Oct. 13, 2020
i wasnt gonna say anything now but i just have to.
this fanfic needs some work... like a lot of work!
1). OP Main Character - Your MC is super OP, like Aiga OP! she does NOT use logic, example being the Time Stop thing. this is actually wrong, no bey in the history of beyblade can stop time as far as i know, there is a fine line between a JOJO fan fic and a beyblade fan fic. and like SacredXcalibur said, there is no characterization whatsoever, she is just an op blader who can stop time? 3/10 on this part
2). Where is the plot? - i dont see where there is a plot, unless its just one-shots, any good beyblade fan fiction needs an actual good plot that will pull the attention of the reader and have them wanting more. ive been reading through this for some time and i dont see any visible signs of a plot just non-stop one-sided battles... jus sayin. 2/10 here
3). Complexity - try adding a little more of a complex background to the story, if you want this story to succeed and actually gain some recognition, then add a bit of complexity to the story, spice things up a little if not maybe a ton.
i'll think of more later
this isnt being mean, this is constructive criticism that will hopefully get this fanfic back on track.
overall my final score on this story is 5/10
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:06 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: i wasnt gonna say anything now but i just have to.
this fanfic needs some work... like a lot of work!
1). OP Main Character - Your MC is super OP, like Aiga OP! she does NOT use logic, example being the Time Stop thing. this is actually wrong, no bey in the history of beyblade can stop time as far as i know, there is a fine line between a JOJO fan fic and a beyblade fan fic. and like SacredXcalibur said, there is no characterization whatsoever, she is just an op blader who can stop time? 3/10 on this part
2). Where is the plot? - i dont see where there is a plot, unless its just one-shots, any good beyblade fan fiction needs an actual good plot that will pull the attention of the reader and have them wanting more. ive been reading through this for some time and i dont see any visible signs of a plot just non-stop one-sided battles... jus sayin. 2/10 here
3). Complexity - try adding a little more of a complex background to the story, if you want this story to succeed and actually gain some recognition, then add a bit of complexity to the story, spice things up a little if not maybe a ton.
i'll think of more later
this isnt being mean, this is constructive criticism that will hopefully get this fanfic back on track.
overall my final score on this story is 5/10
Did you read the chapters or did you skip the chapters?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Valtryek Aoi - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:06 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: i wasnt gonna say anything now but i just have to.
this fanfic needs some work... like a lot of work!
1). OP Main Character - Your MC is super OP, like Aiga OP! she does NOT use logic, example being the Time Stop thing. this is actually wrong, no bey in the history of beyblade can stop time as far as i know, there is a fine line between a JOJO fan fic and a beyblade fan fic. and like SacredXcalibur said, there is no characterization whatsoever, she is just an op blader who can stop time? 3/10 on this part
2). Where is the plot? - i dont see where there is a plot, unless its just one-shots, any good beyblade fan fiction needs an actual good plot that will pull the attention of the reader and have them wanting more. ive been reading through this for some time and i dont see any visible signs of a plot just non-stop one-sided battles... jus sayin. 2/10 here
3). Complexity - try adding a little more of a complex background to the story, if you want this story to succeed and actually gain some recognition, then add a bit of complexity to the story, spice things up a little if not maybe a ton.
i'll think of more later
this isnt being mean, this is constructive criticism that will hopefully get this fanfic back on track.
overall my final score on this story is 5/10
I personally agree with these statements.
In addition, I kinda just see some sentences that don't come off right due to the lack of punctuation.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - DeltaZakuro - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:10 AM)kai edits Wrote:yes i wouldnt have written that review if i didnt.(Oct. 13, 2020 1:06 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: i wasnt gonna say anything now but i just have to.
this fanfic needs some work... like a lot of work!
1). OP Main Character - Your MC is super OP, like Aiga OP! she does NOT use logic, example being the Time Stop thing. this is actually wrong, no bey in the history of beyblade can stop time as far as i know, there is a fine line between a JOJO fan fic and a beyblade fan fic. and like SacredXcalibur said, there is no characterization whatsoever, she is just an op blader who can stop time? 3/10 on this part
2). Where is the plot? - i dont see where there is a plot, unless its just one-shots, any good beyblade fan fiction needs an actual good plot that will pull the attention of the reader and have them wanting more. ive been reading through this for some time and i dont see any visible signs of a plot just non-stop one-sided battles... jus sayin. 2/10 here
3). Complexity - try adding a little more of a complex background to the story, if you want this story to succeed and actually gain some recognition, then add a bit of complexity to the story, spice things up a little if not maybe a ton.
i'll think of more later
this isnt being mean, this is constructive criticism that will hopefully get this fanfic back on track.
overall my final score on this story is 5/10
Did you read the chapters or did you skip the chapters?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:13 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote:(Oct. 13, 2020 1:10 AM)kai edits Wrote: Did you read the chapters or did you skip the chapters?yes i wouldnt have written that review if i didnt.
Here is a spoiler aiga wins. Maidens time has a time limit
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Valtryek Aoi - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:15 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 13, 2020 1:13 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: yes i wouldnt have written that review if i didnt.
Here is a spoiler aiga wins. Maidens time has a time limit
Not gonna lie, even Lean has more complexity and less uhh, 'op-ness' to him. Not saying an op character can't be interesting to see, just look at One Punch Man (my opinion). Still doesn't make much sense to me when by burst's logic and power scaling having a character stop time should literally allow them to take over the beyblade world easy. Maybe if it was an MFB situation then that would make a bit more sense.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:17 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote:(Oct. 13, 2020 1:15 AM)kai edits Wrote: Here is a spoiler aiga wins. Maidens time has a time limit
Not gonna lie, even Lean has more complexity and less uhh, 'op-ness' to him. Not saying an op character can't be interesting to see, just look at One Punch Man (my opinion). Still doesn't make much sense to me when by burst's logic and power scaling having a character stop time should literally allow them to take over the beyblade world easy. Maybe if it was an MFB situation then that would make a bit more sense.
Not to sound rude but is this your fanfic?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - GreenK9148 - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:10 AM)kai edits Wrote:Just because people say something, and then you "correct it". You make a sudden change and it changes so dramatically, the plot doesn't make sense anymore. I strongly suggest you listen to EVERYONE's advice and do a complete rewrite.(Oct. 13, 2020 1:06 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: i wasnt gonna say anything now but i just have to.
this fanfic needs some work... like a lot of work!
1). OP Main Character - Your MC is super OP, like Aiga OP! she does NOT use logic, example being the Time Stop thing. this is actually wrong, no bey in the history of beyblade can stop time as far as i know, there is a fine line between a JOJO fan fic and a beyblade fan fic. and like SacredXcalibur said, there is no characterization whatsoever, she is just an op blader who can stop time? 3/10 on this part
2). Where is the plot? - i dont see where there is a plot, unless its just one-shots, any good beyblade fan fiction needs an actual good plot that will pull the attention of the reader and have them wanting more. ive been reading through this for some time and i dont see any visible signs of a plot just non-stop one-sided battles... jus sayin. 2/10 here
3). Complexity - try adding a little more of a complex background to the story, if you want this story to succeed and actually gain some recognition, then add a bit of complexity to the story, spice things up a little if not maybe a ton.
i'll think of more later
this isnt being mean, this is constructive criticism that will hopefully get this fanfic back on track.
overall my final score on this story is 5/10
Did you read the chapters or did you skip the chapters?
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:19 AM)GreenK9148 Wrote:Shun actually had character development if you let me write it(Oct. 13, 2020 1:10 AM)kai edits Wrote: Did you read the chapters or did you skip the chapters?Just because people say something, and then you "correct it". You make a sudden change and it changes so dramatically, the plot doesn't make sense anymore. I strongly suggest you listen to EVERYONE's advice and do a complete rewrite.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - Valtryek Aoi - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:18 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 13, 2020 1:17 AM)Valtryek Aoi Wrote: Not gonna lie, even Lean has more complexity and less uhh, 'op-ness' to him. Not saying an op character can't be interesting to see, just look at One Punch Man (my opinion). Still doesn't make much sense to me when by burst's logic and power scaling having a character stop time should literally allow them to take over the beyblade world easy. Maybe if it was an MFB situation then that would make a bit more sense.
Not to sound rude but is this your fanfic?
The answer to that would be no, of course, so there would be no need to ask. I'm just stating my opinion like DeltaZakuro did. I even put '(my opinion)' in my statement.
Also, when you say not to sound rude it implies that there is a bit of rudeness going on there, otherwise there would be little reason to say it.\
Like I said, my opinion and criticism on this fanfic.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - GreenK9148 - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:21 AM)kai edits Wrote:(Oct. 13, 2020 1:19 AM)GreenK9148 Wrote: Just because people say something, and then you "correct it". You make a sudden change and it changes so dramatically, the plot doesn't make sense anymore. I strongly suggest you listen to EVERYONE's advice and do a complete rewrite.Shun actually had character development if you let me write it
She never had any.
RE: Beyblade burst apocalypse(15+) (character contest/crossover) - kai edits - Oct. 13, 2020
(Oct. 13, 2020 1:26 AM)GreenK9148 Wrote:(Oct. 13, 2020 1:21 AM)kai edits Wrote: Shun actually had character development if you let me write it
She never had any.
Bro she did when she lost to shu and maiden darkness began to spread