RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 4:21 PM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: (May. 05, 2021 2:20 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Prologue Final Part
~1 week later~
*Alena had entered a district tournament and blasted through it. her finals opponent was literally just a little kid who was talking a bunch of trash, the score was literally 2-0 with Alena in the lead*
Kid: i watched your broadcast! you dont have anything on me!!
Alena: id watch your mouth kid, you're nothing but a shrimp compared to me.
Kid: A SHRIMP!?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!
*Alena couldnt help but laugh at the kids stupidness, now getting serious her eyes turn red causing the kid to take a step back*
Kid: w-whats with her eyes?..
Referee: Second Battle! Ready Set!
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium, the kids combo was a Variant Lucifer Orbit 2D and because it was a defense type it claimed the center with its rubber barrier out*
Kid: Alright!! Come at me!!
*Anahel attacks but the barrier was able to keep it back*
Alena: Oh?
Kid: Yes thats it!!
*Alena was a bit surprised but her composure returned when she realized its weakness*
Alena: a barrier isnt gonna be enough to stop me!
*Anahel fires a ruthless barrage of attacks at Variant Lucifer but its stamina and defense were just too much. Alena was actually starting to get worried but at the same time she was starting to get super ecstatic*
Alena: finally a worthy challenge.. You are so worthy of being destroyed!
Kid: What are you on about? Battles not over chick!!
*Alena looked at the kid with a horrifying look, causing him to scream in terror*
Kid: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!
Alena: Anahel craves your destruction!! it craves your pain, screams, cries and terror!!!
*the kid was trembling before her, just giving Alena even more satisfaction*
Alena: Oh whats wrong?! is the poor baby gonna cry?!
*Anahel finally broke through and Lucifer was knocked into the wall which killed its stamina*
Kid: No!! Look Out!!!
Alena: KILL IT!!! CRUSHER DEATH!!!
*Anahel blew the bey into the sky as it shattered into multiple pieces*
Kid: n-no... it cant be!
Referee: Crusher Anahel! Burst Finish!! Alena Yagami wins the tournament!!!
*Alena walks out without a word, winning a tournament meant nothing to her. she headed out to find her next victim*
Alena: aside from that crybaby, not a single person can give me a proper challenge!!
*she could hear the growls of Anahel, she could tell it craved more destruction and screams*
Alena: I see Anahel, we definitely need to find stronger opponents. the blading world is mine so of course i will crush them no matter what!!
*Alena grinned wickely as the sun began to set and her pink, purple and black aura rised, her plans took effect NOW*
Here's my ratings for the prolouge overall.
Plot: 9/10. We get to see how Alena is, her personality, bey, powers, dreams, etc. But does she have any empathy? Any other humane feelings? This is why I had to rate it a 9/10 instead of a 10/10
Characterization: 8.3/10. I didn't quite see any good personality from other characters. Otherwise, this is good.
Attraction: 10/10: Perfect. Nothing to say about.
Description: 8.5/10: Good the way it is, but it can be better if you describe feelings, places, etc. Show, not tell.
Consistency of Plot: 10/10
Overall, I would say that this is a 87/100.
(May. 05, 2021 4:20 PM)PinkRose Wrote: I'm betting she just went along cuz she had nowhere to stay and didn't actually expect them to be kind to her and stuff (and definitely didn't expect to grow fond of them)
Maybe, but deltazakuro needs to display that. Needs to show humane feelings. And some description.
No she has no empathy, remorse, sympathy or any form of care to anyone or anything at all. the only reason she even went to Hisatos mansion is because she needs a place to stay. he even thinks that Alena has good and light in her heart but its completely trapped by a shell of darkness, which justifies and shows why Alena acts the way she does.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Ryuga's Son - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 5:18 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (May. 05, 2021 4:21 PM)Ryuga's Son Wrote: Here's my ratings for the prolouge overall.
Plot: 9/10. We get to see how Alena is, her personality, bey, powers, dreams, etc. But does she have any empathy? Any other humane feelings? This is why I had to rate it a 9/10 instead of a 10/10
Characterization: 8.3/10. I didn't quite see any good personality from other characters. Otherwise, this is good.
Attraction: 10/10: Perfect. Nothing to say about.
Description: 8.5/10: Good the way it is, but it can be better if you describe feelings, places, etc. Show, not tell.
Consistency of Plot: 10/10
Overall, I would say that this is a 87/100.
Maybe, but deltazakuro needs to display that. Needs to show humane feelings. And some description.
No she has no empathy, remorse, sympathy or any form of care to anyone or anything at all. the only reason she even went to Hisatos mansion is because she needs a place to stay. he even thinks that Alena has good and light in her heart but its completely trapped by a shell of darkness, which justifies and shows why Alena acts the way she does.
That doesn't make sense. Sorry if you feel like i'm arguing, but if that's the case, then Alena isn't even human (everyone knows that she is). You need to show Alena's feelings.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Dragon Blader Z - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 5:52 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: (May. 05, 2021 5:18 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: No she has no empathy, remorse, sympathy or any form of care to anyone or anything at all. the only reason she even went to Hisatos mansion is because she needs a place to stay. he even thinks that Alena has good and light in her heart but its completely trapped by a shell of darkness, which justifies and shows why Alena acts the way she does.
That doesn't make sense. Sorry if you feel like i'm arguing, but if that's the case, then Alena isn't even human (everyone knows that she is). You need to show Alena's feelings.
DeltaZakuro said that Alena has no empathy, remorse, sympathy, or any type of care to anyone or anything.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 05, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 5:52 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: (May. 05, 2021 5:18 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: No she has no empathy, remorse, sympathy or any form of care to anyone or anything at all. the only reason she even went to Hisatos mansion is because she needs a place to stay. he even thinks that Alena has good and light in her heart but its completely trapped by a shell of darkness, which justifies and shows why Alena acts the way she does.
That doesn't make sense. Sorry if you feel like i'm arguing, but if that's the case, then Alena isn't even human (everyone knows that she is). You need to show Alena's feelings.
Its almost like you didn't even read. If you need more info, her character bio is on the 3rd page.
I don't get how being a Corrupt, cruel, ruthless brat isn't human.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 07, 2021
Episode 1: The Angel Of Darkness! Crusher Anahel! Preview
*the 6 Bladers were led down into the basement to Alenas beystadium, they put their beys on their launchers as Alena stared down at them. taking out a metal piece from her coat and placed it on her Bey*
Alena: You nerds ready? Im just itching to break you!!
*Hisatos kids snuck into the basement and watched the battle from behind some suitcases. they watched as Alenas dark aura flared out as the battle was about to start*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Anahel landed in the stadium and it began to head to the center with the 6 beys*
Alena: Break.
*All 6 beys clashed with Anahel sandwiching it as a bolt of energy erupted from the stadium. all 6 of them burst as Anahel sped around the stadium at high speed with its purple aura activated*
Alena: Leave and don't ever come back!
*the kids scrambled and bolted out of the mansion, screaming in fear*
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - Ryuga's Son - May. 07, 2021
(May. 07, 2021 12:56 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Episode 1: The Angel Of Darkness! Crusher Anahel! Preview
*the 6 Bladers were led down into the basement to Alenas beystadium, they put their beys on their launchers as Alena stared down at them. taking out a metal piece from her coat and placed it on her Bey*
Alena: You nerds ready? Im just itching to break you!!
*Hisatos kids snuck into the basement and watched the battle from behind some suitcases. they watched as Alenas dark aura flared out as the battle was about to start*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Anahel landed in the stadium and it began to head to the center with the 7 beys*
Alena: Break.
*All 6 beys clashed with Anahel sandwiching it as a bolt of energy erupted from the stadium. all 6 of them burst as Anahel sped around the stadium at high speed with its purple aura activated*
Alena: Leave and don't ever come back!
*the kids scrambled and bolted out of the mansion, screaming in fear*
Interesting.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 08, 2021
(was bored and i felt like it so here is Episode 1 released early, i dont know how consistent episodes will release since i still have Story Of Lanes Sister, Diamond, and Shining Legends to work on but we'll have to see, Enjoy)
Episode 1: The Angel Of Darkness! Crusher Anahel!!
*1 year later*
*6 kids walked up to the front gate of a mansion in the outskirts of Japan with flashlights out, they had heard the rumors that Alena Yagami was living here and came to challenge her. they walk through the front gate and open the doors to the mansion which were surprisingly unlocked*
Kid 1: This place is so creepy at night..
Kid 3: Get over it, im sure this Alena chick is nothing special.
*Alena who was wearing a black cloak was eavesdropping on them from a balcony above them, she flicked a rock towards them causing them to jump*
Kid 4: THE HELL WAS THAT!?!
Kid 2: was that Alena?!
Kid 6: Chill out guys! maybe we accidentally knocked over something.
Kid 5: the sound came from all the way down the hallway!
Kid: *gulp* ok maybe we didnt knock anything over..
Kid 1: i dont wanna be here anymore!!
Kid 2: Keep your voice down! She probably hears us!
Kid 3: to hell with this! im going!!
*the kid moves on ahead but then out of nowhere, he instantly vanished. The other kids ran after him as they heard a loud thud! when the kids shined their lights, they saw their friend being pinned up against the wall by Alena herself.*
Kid 1: HEY LET HIM GO!!!
*Alena looked over and glared at the group*
Alena: What do you want?! You should not be here!!
Kid 4: We came to challenge you!!! We're putting an end to your win streak once and for all!!
Alena: Yeah in your dreams nerd.
Kid 1: Do you accept our challenge or not?!
Alena: Chillax nerd, of course i accept your challenge!
*the 6 Bladers were led down into the basement to Alenas beystadium, they put their beys on their launchers as Alena stared down at them. taking out a metal piece from her coat and placed it on her Bey*
Alena: You nerds ready? Im just itching to break you!!
*Hisatos kids snuck into the basement and watched the battle from behind some suitcases. they watched as Alenas dark aura flared out as the battle was about to start*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Anahel landed in the stadium and it began to head to the center with the 7 beys*
Alena: Break.
*All 6 beys clashed with Anahel sandwiching it as a bolt of energy erupted from the stadium. all 6 of them burst as Anahel sped around the stadium at high speed with its purple aura activated*
Alena: Leave and don't ever come back!
*the kids scrambled and bolted out of the mansion, screaming in fear, Alena laughed as she watched the kids run away*
*The next day at school when lunch time came, Alena went to the roof*
Alena: its a wonderful view from up here...
*someone walked through the door and it was a boy about Alenas age*
Alena: can i help you?
???: You're Alena Yagami right!?
Alena: Yeah, who's asking?
Haiden: My name is Haiden Karuno! im a pretty big fan of yours!!!
Alena: a fan? of ME?!
Haiden: Yeah! i watched your official matches and you are so cool!!!
*Alena was a bit taken aback by this, She honestly couldnt help but smile at the kid a bit. She held out her bey to him*
Alena: Im assuming you want to battle?
*Haidens eyes lit up at her words, he nods excitedly*
Alena: I guess one battle couldnt hurt..
*the kids bey was King Helios Yard 1B*
*Alena's dark aura burst out as she prepared to launch*
Alena: Lets do this kid.
*Anahels avatar finally showed itself as it stood over Alena! The avatar featured a body very similar to Belial but instead, its head resembled Lucifer1 with pink eyes and horns, its armor plates were purple, it had a blue gem in its chest and massive golden claws and feet with 4 red Individual wings that come from energy projectors on its back. Anahels claw covered Alenas faces as her eyes glowed a evil red*
Haiden: H-hey.. Alena?!
Alena: Prepare to be destroyed!!
*Haiden gulped as Alena stared menacingly down at him*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium and the Helios combo claimed the center*
Haiden: yes thats it!! Hold down the center!
Alena: Push through!! Narrow Counter!
*using the rubber on its driver, Anahel races towards Helios at high speeds and knocks it back with a huge attack*
Alena: how's that?
Haiden: Not bad!! Go Counter-attack!!
*the Helios combo counters and Anahel received some damage*
Alena: Very interesting! Maybe you aren't so bad after all!
*Anahel accelerated as it started glowing, Alena was then overcome with a feeling of darkness and despair! at first it hurt but the next second it felt kinda good. She grinned as she held her arm out as Alena forced the Helios bey into the walls*
Haiden: Hey!! What are you doing!!
Alena: Crusher Death!!
*Alena closes her fist hard as the Helios combo shattered into pieces*
Haiden: WHAT!?!
*Alena remained emotionless as she picked up her bey and began to leave*
Haiden: Hey! Where do you think you're going! STOP!!
*Alena looked back at the kid who was nearly in tears now*
Haiden: do you have any idea what you just did?!
*Alena was silent for a bit and then said...*
Alena: I dont care.
*she grabbed her things and headed to her next class, leaving Haiden alone on the roof, upset and furious*
Next Episode: Episode 2: Wipe Out! Anahels Carnage!
Alena entered another district tournament and wreaks havoc! meanwhile Haiden makes preparations to make a new bey and take his revenge.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - reshiwum - May. 08, 2021
(May. 08, 2021 1:55 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (was bored and i felt like it so here is Episode 1 released early, i dont know how consistent episodes will release since i still have Story Of Lanes Sister, Diamond, and Shining Legends to work on but we'll have to see, Enjoy)
Episode 1: The Angel Of Darkness! Crusher Anahel!!
*1 year later*
*6 kids walked up to the front gate of a mansion in the outskirts of Japan with flashlights out, they had heard the rumors that Alena Yagami was living here and came to challenge her. they walk through the front gate and open the doors to the mansion which were surprisingly unlocked*
Kid 1: This place is so creepy at night..
Kid 3: Get over it, im sure this Alena chick is nothing special.
*Alena who was wearing a black cloak was eavesdropping on them from a balcony above them, she flicked a rock towards them causing them to jump*
Kid 4: THE HELL WAS THAT!?!
Kid 2: was that Alena?!
Kid 6: Chill out guys! maybe we accidentally knocked over something.
Kid 5: the sound came from all the way down the hallway!
Kid: *gulp* ok maybe we didnt knock anything over..
Kid 1: i dont wanna be here anymore!!
Kid 2: Keep your voice down! She probably hears us!
Kid 3: to hell with this! im going!!
*the kid moves on ahead but then out of nowhere, he instantly vanished. The other kids ran after him as they heard a loud thud! when the kids shined their lights, they saw their friend being pinned up against the wall by Alena herself.*
Kid 1: HEY LET HIM GO!!!
*Alena looked over and glared at the group*
Alena: What do you want?! You should not be here!!
Kid 4: We came to challenge you!!! We're putting an end to your win streak once and for all!!
Alena: Yeah in your dreams nerd.
Kid 1: Do you accept our challenge or not?!
Alena: Chillax nerd, of course i accept your challenge!
*the 6 Bladers were led down into the basement to Alenas beystadium, they put their beys on their launchers as Alena stared down at them. taking out a metal piece from her coat and placed it on her Bey*
Alena: You nerds ready? Im just itching to break you!!
*Hisatos kids snuck into the basement and watched the battle from behind some suitcases. they watched as Alenas dark aura flared out as the battle was about to start*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Anahel landed in the stadium and it began to head to the center with the 7 beys*
Alena: Break.
*All 6 beys clashed with Anahel sandwiching it as a bolt of energy erupted from the stadium. all 6 of them burst as Anahel sped around the stadium at high speed with its purple aura activated*
Alena: Leave and don't ever come back!
*the kids scrambled and bolted out of the mansion, screaming in fear, Alena laughed as she watched the kids run away*
*The next day at school when lunch time came, Alena went to the roof*
Alena: its a wonderful view from up here...
*someone walked through the door and it was a boy about Alenas age*
Alena: can i help you?
???: You're Alena Yagami right!?
Alena: Yeah, who's asking?
Haiden: My name is Haiden Karuno! im a pretty big fan of yours!!!
Alena: a fan? of ME?!
Haiden: Yeah! i watched your official matches and you are so cool!!!
*Alena was a bit taken aback by this, She honestly couldnt help but smile at the kid a bit. She held out her bey to him*
Alena: Im assuming you want to battle?
*Haidens eyes lit up at her words, he nods excitedly*
Alena: I guess one battle couldnt hurt..
*the kids bey was King Helios Yard 1B*
*Alena's dark aura burst out as she prepared to launch*
Alena: Lets do this kid.
*Anahels avatar finally showed itself as it stood over Alena! The avatar featured a body very similar to Belial but instead, its head resembled Lucifer1 with pink eyes and horns, its armor plates were purple, it had a blue gem in its chest and massive golden claws and feet with 4 red Individual wings that come from energy projectors on its back. Anahels claw covered Alenas faces as her eyes glowed a evil red*
Haiden: H-hey.. Alena?!
Alena: Prepare to be destroyed!!
*Haiden gulped as Alena stared menacingly down at him*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium and the Helios combo claimed the center*
Haiden: yes thats it!! Hold down the center!
Alena: Push through!! Narrow Counter!
*using the rubber on its driver, Anahel races towards Helios at high speeds and knocks it back with a huge attack*
Alena: how's that?
Haiden: Not bad!! Go Counter-attack!!
*the Helios combo counters and Anahel received some damage*
Alena: Very interesting! Maybe you aren't so bad after all!
*Anahel accelerated as it started glowing, Alena was then overcome with a feeling of darkness and despair! at first it hurt but the next second it felt kinda good. She grinned as she held her arm out as Alena forced the Helios bey into the walls*
Haiden: Hey!! What are you doing!!
Alena: Crusher Death!!
*Alena closes her fist hard as the Helios combo shattered into pieces*
Haiden: WHAT!?!
*Alena remained emotionless as she picked up her bey and began to leave*
Haiden: Hey! Where do you think you're going! STOP!!
*Alena looked back at the kid who was nearly in tears now*
Haiden: do you have any idea what you just did?!
*Alena was silent for a bit and then said...*
Alena: I dont care.
*she grabbed her things and headed to her next class, leaving Haiden alone on the roof, upset and furious*
Next Episode: Episode 2: Wipe Out! Anahels Carnage!
Alena entered another district tournament and wreaks havoc! meanwhile Haiden makes preparations to make a new bey and take his revenge.
I'm not the best at giving reviews, but this chapter is definitely something!
Everything is well thought and fleshed out! The characterization is also very well done, especially on the part where Haiden said "Do you know what have you done?!" and Alena's flare part. The Haiden one is somewhat memorable to me, though. Battles are just so-so to me. Nothing too hype or boring.
Keep going DZ! I can't wait for the next chapter to release!
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - DeltaZakuro - May. 08, 2021
So far in the Character Contest, ive narrowed it down to these 5. Winners are decided May 14th. With these 5 now being considered, the Character Contest is officially over. Episode 1 has released early so go check that out too.
PinkRose - Droite Vireir
CheetoBlader - Jojo Apoloian
@tenma - Hiroki Miyamura
ZionandBirddo - Gaito Akaza
And
LJ-Blader - Tabito Saduko
RE: Beyblade: Angels - UnseenBurst - May. 08, 2021
(May. 08, 2021 8:25 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: So far in the Character Contest, ive narrowed it down to these 5. Winners are decided May 14th. With these 5 now being considered, the Character Contest is officially over. Episode 1 has released early so go check that out too.
PinkRose - Droite Vireir
CheetoBlader - Jojo Apoloian
@tenma - Hiroki Miyamura
ZionandBirddo - Gaito Akaza
And
LJ-Blader - Tabito Saduko
Your Fanfic is really good I like how the character is now so she can kinda grow as a blader and learn the same lesson Aiger/Aiga did this is way better than my fanfic lol looks like I have some competition
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - sushiroll1234 - May. 08, 2021
(May. 08, 2021 8:25 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: So far in the Character Contest, ive narrowed it down to these 5. Winners are decided May 14th. With these 5 now being considered, the Character Contest is officially over. Episode 1 has released early so go check that out too.
PinkRose - Droite Vireir
CheetoBlader - Jojo Apoloian
@tenma - Hiroki Miyamura
ZionandBirddo - Gaito Akaza
And
LJ-Blader - Tabito Saduko
![[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQbkJJ01rHeXkN3PmE1oiH...0&usqp=CAU]](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQbkJJ01rHeXkN3PmE1oiH0kkuTN7WSbmxY9pFjUX1gLdtYruu60rLs0nPFvnCnxz1PkO0&usqp=CAU)
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - ZionandBirddo - May. 09, 2021
(May. 08, 2021 8:25 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: So far in the Character Contest, ive narrowed it down to these 5. Winners are decided May 14th. With these 5 now being considered, the Character Contest is officially over. Episode 1 has released early so go check that out too.
PinkRose - Droite Vireir
CheetoBlader - Jojo Apoloian
@tenma - Hiroki Miyamura
ZionandBirddo - Gaito Akaza
And
LJ-Blader - Tabito Saduko
Congrats to all the finalists, I found everyone’s OC’s to be interesting and each one could be a winner, and it’s an honor to be considered.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - PinkRose - May. 09, 2021
(May. 08, 2021 1:55 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (was bored and i felt like it so here is Episode 1 released early, i dont know how consistent episodes will release since i still have Story Of Lanes Sister, Diamond, and Shining Legends to work on but we'll have to see, Enjoy)
Episode 1: The Angel Of Darkness! Crusher Anahel!!
*1 year later*
*6 kids walked up to the front gate of a mansion in the outskirts of Japan with flashlights out, they had heard the rumors that Alena Yagami was living here and came to challenge her. they walk through the front gate and open the doors to the mansion which were surprisingly unlocked*
Kid 1: This place is so creepy at night..
Kid 3: Get over it, im sure this Alena chick is nothing special.
*Alena who was wearing a black cloak was eavesdropping on them from a balcony above them, she flicked a rock towards them causing them to jump*
Kid 4: THE HELL WAS THAT!?!
Kid 2: was that Alena?!
Kid 6: Chill out guys! maybe we accidentally knocked over something.
Kid 5: the sound came from all the way down the hallway!
Kid: *gulp* ok maybe we didnt knock anything over..
Kid 1: i dont wanna be here anymore!!
Kid 2: Keep your voice down! She probably hears us!
Kid 3: to hell with this! im going!!
*the kid moves on ahead but then out of nowhere, he instantly vanished. The other kids ran after him as they heard a loud thud! when the kids shined their lights, they saw their friend being pinned up against the wall by Alena herself.*
Kid 1: HEY LET HIM GO!!!
*Alena looked over and glared at the group*
Alena: What do you want?! You should not be here!!
Kid 4: We came to challenge you!!! We're putting an end to your win streak once and for all!!
Alena: Yeah in your dreams nerd.
Kid 1: Do you accept our challenge or not?!
Alena: Chillax nerd, of course i accept your challenge!
*the 6 Bladers were led down into the basement to Alenas beystadium, they put their beys on their launchers as Alena stared down at them. taking out a metal piece from her coat and placed it on her Bey*
Alena: You nerds ready? Im just itching to break you!!
*Hisatos kids snuck into the basement and watched the battle from behind some suitcases. they watched as Alenas dark aura flared out as the battle was about to start*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*Anahel landed in the stadium and it began to head to the center with the 7 beys*
Alena: Break.
*All 6 beys clashed with Anahel sandwiching it as a bolt of energy erupted from the stadium. all 6 of them burst as Anahel sped around the stadium at high speed with its purple aura activated*
Alena: Leave and don't ever come back!
*the kids scrambled and bolted out of the mansion, screaming in fear, Alena laughed as she watched the kids run away*
*The next day at school when lunch time came, Alena went to the roof*
Alena: its a wonderful view from up here...
*someone walked through the door and it was a boy about Alenas age*
Alena: can i help you?
???: You're Alena Yagami right!?
Alena: Yeah, who's asking?
Haiden: My name is Haiden Karuno! im a pretty big fan of yours!!!
Alena: a fan? of ME?!
Haiden: Yeah! i watched your official matches and you are so cool!!!
*Alena was a bit taken aback by this, She honestly couldnt help but smile at the kid a bit. She held out her bey to him*
Alena: Im assuming you want to battle?
*Haidens eyes lit up at her words, he nods excitedly*
Alena: I guess one battle couldnt hurt..
*the kids bey was King Helios Yard 1B*
*Alena's dark aura burst out as she prepared to launch*
Alena: Lets do this kid.
*Anahels avatar finally showed itself as it stood over Alena! The avatar featured a body very similar to Belial but instead, its head resembled Lucifer1 with pink eyes and horns, its armor plates were purple, it had a blue gem in its chest and massive golden claws and feet with 4 red Individual wings that come from energy projectors on its back. Anahels claw covered Alenas faces as her eyes glowed a evil red*
Haiden: H-hey.. Alena?!
Alena: Prepare to be destroyed!!
*Haiden gulped as Alena stared menacingly down at him*
3 2 1 GO SHOOT!!!
*both beys landed in the stadium and the Helios combo claimed the center*
Haiden: yes thats it!! Hold down the center!
Alena: Push through!! Narrow Counter!
*using the rubber on its driver, Anahel races towards Helios at high speeds and knocks it back with a huge attack*
Alena: how's that?
Haiden: Not bad!! Go Counter-attack!!
*the Helios combo counters and Anahel received some damage*
Alena: Very interesting! Maybe you aren't so bad after all!
*Anahel accelerated as it started glowing, Alena was then overcome with a feeling of darkness and despair! at first it hurt but the next second it felt kinda good. She grinned as she held her arm out as Alena forced the Helios bey into the walls*
Haiden: Hey!! What are you doing!!
Alena: Crusher Death!!
*Alena closes her fist hard as the Helios combo shattered into pieces*
Haiden: WHAT!?!
*Alena remained emotionless as she picked up her bey and began to leave*
Haiden: Hey! Where do you think you're going! STOP!!
*Alena looked back at the kid who was nearly in tears now*
Haiden: do you have any idea what you just did?!
*Alena was silent for a bit and then said...*
Alena: I dont care.
*she grabbed her things and headed to her next class, leaving Haiden alone on the roof, upset and furious*
Next Episode: Episode 2: Wipe Out! Anahels Carnage!
Alena entered another district tournament and wreaks havoc! meanwhile Haiden makes preparations to make a new bey and take his revenge.
Early release? Noice.
Plot: 4.5/5. We're slowly setting up the story and introducing a new cast member. Nothing much yet, but that's normal cuz it's the very first chapter.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Alena's conversation with Haiden was kinda fun to read, I like how startled she seemed at the concept of having a fanboy of sorts. Too bad she lost him less than five minutes later (but it's kinda his fault too, like, you should already know your Bey was bound to break pal).
Characterization: 5/5. Me likes those small moments of soft Alena, and Haiden seems to be a pretty fun character too.
Grammar: 4.5/5. As usual, only some barely noticeable issues and it doesn't affect the flow of the chapter.
Battle: 4/5. Rip Haiden, we'll get her next time (nah, probably not).
Final Rating: 22.5/25. Decent start, nothing quite interesting happens but it's not bad either. Neat-o.
RE: Beyblade: Angels {Character Contest} - i'm batman - May. 09, 2021
(May. 08, 2021 8:25 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: So far in the Character Contest, ive narrowed it down to these 5. Winners are decided May 14th. With these 5 now being considered, the Character Contest is officially over. Episode 1 has released early so go check that out too.
PinkRose - Droite Vireir
CheetoBlader - Jojo Apoloian
@tenma - Hiroki Miyamura
ZionandBirddo - Gaito Akaza
And
LJ-Blader - Tabito Saduko
Congratulations to all the winner candidates, you guys made really awesome characters. Looking forward to seeing the winners' characters in the story.
RE: Beyblade: Angels - DeltaZakuro - May. 10, 2021
Episode 2
https://www.wattpad.com/1067584023-beyblade-angels-episode-2-wipe-out-anahels-carnage
RE: Beyblade: Angels - i'm batman - May. 10, 2021
Nice work, Haiden! Also, I love the avatars of yours, Adeona's from the Story of Lane's Sister was just as good. Anahel looks crazy tho lol.
RE: Beyblade: Angels - ZionandBirddo - May. 10, 2021
I like how you added the avatars in the wattpad really nice touch! Overall I liked this episode more than one as I liked the world building and the meeting with Vala and Haiden making a comeback from last episode and the draw was nice cliffhanger. Rating: 9.5/10, really enjoyable and a good beginning chapter.
(May. 10, 2021 4:37 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Episode 2
https://www.wattpad.com/1067584023-beyblade-angels-episode-2-wipe-out-anahels-carnage
Note: This is a theory, I wonder if Anahel who is an angel in Christianity is corrupted as you can see in the picture looking more like a demon, will take on a more angelic appearance as Alena awakens the “light” in her heart kind of like Achilles took on a darker appearance when Aiga was corrupted by dark resonance, But that’s just a theory....
RE: Beyblade: Angels - PinkRose - May. 10, 2021
(May. 10, 2021 4:37 AM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Episode 2
https://www.wattpad.com/1067584023-beyblade-angels-episode-2-wipe-out-anahels-carnage
Dang, you're on a roll with this.
Plot: 5/5. More character introductions! I like how the story is similar to DB in how everyone was using the old system at the beginning, until people started to get more data about the Angel system. Coolio.
Dialogue: 4.5/5. Don't really have much to say on this, but it was nice. And tbh I can't believe Haiden's still a fan of Alena after what happened to his previous Bey; this guy is pretty loyal.
Characterization: 5/5. Watch out Alena, your soft side is slipping in a lot ;D. Srsly tho, I like how even when she acts like the anti-hero she is, there are still some select stuff that make her act like a normal teen girl from time to time.
Grammar: 4.5/5. You already know the drill, probably.
Battles: 4.5/5. This chapter had some pretty sweet battles. Poor Vala got rekt on her very first match (I mean, she's probably still learning the game if she got Brave that recently), and Haiden manages to get a tie! Maybe I didn't give this guy enough credit last time, good on him.
Final Rating: 23.5/25. I really enjoyed reading the chapter (also is it just me or does Anahel's avatar have a fair bit of resemblance to Satan's?), the battles were cool, the interactions were cool, overall pretty nice.
RE: Beyblade: Angels - Ryuga's Son - May. 10, 2021
(May. 05, 2021 6:29 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: (May. 05, 2021 5:52 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: That doesn't make sense. Sorry if you feel like i'm arguing, but if that's the case, then Alena isn't even human (everyone knows that she is). You need to show Alena's feelings.
Its almost like you didn't even read. If you need more info, her character bio is on the 3rd page.
I don't get how being a Corrupt, cruel, ruthless brat isn't human.
Yes that is fine. But having no other emotions then cruel and ruthless is just out of place.
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-many-emotions-are-there-2795179#:~:text=Based%20on%20his%20theory%2C%20Ekman,anger%2C%20disgust%2C%20and%20contempt.
RE: Beyblade: Angels - CheetoBlader - May. 10, 2021
(May. 10, 2021 8:07 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: (May. 05, 2021 6:29 PM)DeltaZakuro Wrote: Its almost like you didn't even read. If you need more info, her character bio is on the 3rd page.
I don't get how being a Corrupt, cruel, ruthless brat isn't human.
Yes that is fine. But having no other emotions then cruel and ruthless is just out of place.
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-many-emotions-are-there-2795179#:~:text=Based%20on%20his%20theory%2C%20Ekman,anger%2C%20disgust%2C%20and%20contempt. My guy have you seen Twitter before
RE: Beyblade: Angels - Ryuga's Son - May. 10, 2021
(May. 10, 2021 8:12 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: (May. 10, 2021 8:07 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: Yes that is fine. But having no other emotions then cruel and ruthless is just out of place.
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-many-emotions-are-there-2795179#:~:text=Based%20on%20his%20theory%2C%20Ekman,anger%2C%20disgust%2C%20and%20contempt. My guy have you seen Twitter before
Yes I have. Idk how that is related to this though.
RE: Beyblade: Angels - CheetoBlader - May. 10, 2021
(May. 10, 2021 8:23 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: (May. 10, 2021 8:12 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: My guy have you seen Twitter before
Yes I have. Idk how that is related to this though.
Twitter is the perfect explanation of how a person can be cruel and ruthless
RE: Beyblade: Angels - Ryuga's Son - May. 10, 2021
(May. 10, 2021 8:25 PM)CheetoBlader Wrote: (May. 10, 2021 8:23 PM)Ryuga\s Son Wrote: Yes I have. Idk how that is related to this though.
Twitter is the perfect explanation of how a person can be cruel and ruthless
I never said someone cannot be cruel and ruthless. I meant that if someone has ruthlessness and cruelty, he/she will also have empathy, sadness etc all other emotions.
RE: Beyblade: Angels - DeltaZakuro - May. 10, 2021
Star Dragon Ignition' -Awakening
Metal Ring: -Awakening: looks like Awakened Tempest
Star Dragon Layer (SD) - features the almost same shape as Imperial but the blades are a bit bigger and with more metal. like the evos before it, Star Dragon features an awakening gimmick from Bound Mode to Awakened Mode (which is actually called the "Strike Mode") which can be reset like Tempest Dragon.
- SD also has the same OWD as Imperial but doesnt have the same burst resistance issue
- in Strike Mode, the wings are still sorta spring loaded but the effect is hardly noticeable
Driver: Ignition' (Ig')
User: Daiku Koryu
Special Moves: Star Bound, Bound Wing, Star Break, Ignition Boost, Double Boost
Lena Shirasagijo
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Eye Color: Light Purple
Hair Color: Light Blue
Physical Appearance: Lena has a very skinny body with with a tiny scar on her left hand. she wears a cyan shirt which has a white stripe going down the middle and she wears purple tights with blue stripes going around the leg. she even wears a white scarf around her. She has light purple eyes and long wavy light blue hair and is often seen with a gentle and kind smile.
Personality: Lena has more of a gentler and kinder attitude towards her peers as opposed to Lui (her father) who is a bit more intense than she is. She loves battling and she even loves all different types of birds too but she loves her friends most of all.
Bey: Rampage Longinus Drake Savage -Devastate
Special Moves: Rampaging Upper, Metal Dragon Crush, Savage Boost
Episode 3: Space And Time! Canon Horogium! Summary
Alena finally finds the challenge she so desired! meanwhile Vala who is still upset from her loss prepares to make an Angel Bey that will "defeat all".
Alena and Haidens battle comes to an explosive end as Alena finally awakens the depths of Anahels power as she unleashes a Darkness-filled counterattack!
RE: Beyblade: Angels - PinkRose - May. 11, 2021
Longinus when Lui hands him down to Lena: Boy do I miss the good ol' days...
(jk, but cute girls and badass dragons don't always come together XD)
Oh and, idk if this is a typo or if you confuse the letters, but it's Shirasagijo (with an A instead of an O)
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