[Beyblade Story] Awakening Of The Soul - Classik - Jun. 11, 2014
Probably my first Good story
Chapter 1
I awoke to a large boom across the hallway followed by a crash,Just another day in hell.
"Wes! Come down" my sister loved to keep things to three words.I got my pants on and ran downstairs.Raelle was waiting at the end of staircase holding the home phone.
I took it from her hoping it wasn't the police."Hello?,Who is it?",A boys voiced answered,"Jaiden?,Where are you? School started an 10 minutes ago!".I looked at the time,9:18.It took me time to realized that i would be in trouble.
I ran upstairs to my room and put on my usual uniform,A black blazer with silver stripes on the arms,as well as a white dress shirt and red tie.
Before heading out I grabbed a circle like object,a Beyblade,and ran back downstairs.Chicken bacon and eggs were waiting downstairs for me.I ate them,grabbed my lunch and left to go outside.
Raelle screeched goodbye as I stepped out the door.
My bike was locked up to the nearby pole,I unchained it and hopped on and pedalled as fast as I could.
Reiko and Itachi were both waiting for me at the front door by the track.
Reiko had a angry look on her face,like she does every time she see's me.Itachi on the other hand was jumping in the air like he just didn't care,literally everybody was staring at him.I took my helmet off and greeted both them,while trying to pry Itachi off of me.We went inside and took our seats.Thank goodness the bell hadn't rang yet.Itachi whispered "You know,I tricked you right?",It took me a second to realize what he meant.I thought " he mustve changed my alarm to go off an hour earlier last time he came over".
I wrote furiously about the history of the code of the samurai.I looked up and saw a terrified look on Mr.Hiroshi's face,I got up and looked outside the door window,and something that I will never forget
Chapter 2
To be written soon
RE: [Beyblade Story] Beyblade:Zero G:Fallen Angel's - Dual - Jun. 11, 2014
Ok first off, you may want to make this a bit more "child friendly."
Grammar and spelling need a lot of work, the plot jumps like a kangaroo with a sugar rush, and a lot of description would help.
Needs some work, but take my advice and it should improve.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Awakening Of The Soul - Classik - Oct. 22, 2014
I rewrote the first chapter and changed the name
its much sorter,but don't worry the rest of the chapters will be longer
RE: [Beyblade Story] Awakening Of The Soul - Neo - Oct. 22, 2014
Please fix the grammar.
I can't even read it properly.
RE: [Beyblade Story] Awakening Of The Soul - Cyvern - Oct. 27, 2014
Hmmm seems alright. Just some grammar problems like Wes!, that comma shouldn't be there. At least I don't think it should.
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