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+--- Thread: Game Set [Beyblade Story] (/Thread-Game-Set-Beyblade-Story)
Game Set [Beyblade Story] - /Demon/ - Mar. 04, 2014
Hey guys, this is my first story after joining the WBO, and even though I'm just new, my boyfriend (Jake Hagane) taught me a few things. Feedback would be great! Thanks!
Characters:
Spoiler (Click to View)
Prologue
Spoiler (Click to View)
Chapter 1
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - Dual - Mar. 04, 2014
Well, it's too early to judge, but from the prologue, the grammar and spelling are great, can't wait to see more!
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - /Demon/ - Mar. 16, 2014
Thanks Dual, Chapter one was slow coming, had no time with studying, it'll come soon.
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - The Ninja - Mar. 16, 2014
Hhm. Like Duo said, It looks very interesting. I am still learning all of this also, mostly from Jake Hagane and Duo (Trying to be a suck-up). Please let me know if you want help with your story! (Characters, PlotLine, ETC)
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - Airus - Mar. 17, 2014
(Mar. 16, 2014 3:23 AM)Xaos Ninja Wrote: I am still learning all of this also, mostly from Jake Hagane and Duo (Trying to be a suck-up).
I know that this is off topic, but I'm not trying to be a suck-up, but I'm her boyfriend so it may look like that.
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - The Ninja - Mar. 17, 2014
(Mar. 17, 2014 1:03 AM)Jake Hagane Wrote:I was trying to be a suck up to Dual, and I was saying I was learning all of my writing stuff from both of you.(Mar. 16, 2014 3:23 AM)Xaos Ninja Wrote: I am still learning all of this also, mostly from Jake Hagane and Duo (Trying to be a suck-up).
I know that this is off topic, but I'm not trying to be a suck-up, but I'm her boyfriend so it may look like that.
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - Airus - Mar. 17, 2014
(Mar. 17, 2014 1:45 AM)Xaos Ninja Wrote:(Mar. 17, 2014 1:03 AM)Jake Hagane Wrote:I was trying to be a suck up to Dual, and I was saying I was learning all of my writing stuff from both of you.(Mar. 16, 2014 3:23 AM)Xaos Ninja Wrote: I am still learning all of this also, mostly from Jake Hagane and Duo (Trying to be a suck-up).
I know that this is off topic, but I'm not trying to be a suck-up, but I'm her boyfriend so it may look like that.
Ooh. Didn't understand that. Haha!
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - /Demon/ - Mar. 19, 2014
Chapter one is up, length is short but had no time, haha!
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - The Ninja - Mar. 20, 2014
Chapter 1 is really nice! I am guessing that they are at some sort of camp... Well they DID say Agent ID, but it is to soon to judge. Keep it up!
Also, for your "Characters" section, make sure to add appearance, beyblade, and age... It really adds a nice touch to the neatness.
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - Airus - Mar. 20, 2014
Chapter one is nice! Keep going!
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - Elite Projects - Mar. 29, 2014
Finally,a decent writer.Theres only a few good storymakers on here such as dual and you.Great story but I won't vote in the poll yet.
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - DefStamina88 - Mar. 31, 2014
Time for a former popular wrtier and one of the biggest writing critics to come in and make his opinion known!
Hmmmmm...
So, right off the bat, I like your spacing in Chapter 1. It is really easy to read and it's really neat. The dialogue is also very good and well organized. The only criticism is length. Chapter 1 is far too short. Add things to your story that coincide well with what you have, even if it's something simple, like describing the color of the beyblades or giving a small background of the characters.
Overall though, I like it!
RE: Game Set [Beyblade Story] - Mandy© - Mar. 31, 2014
/Demon/, your story is awesome.. Let the story rock & roll..and continue writing...will be waiting for next chapter..cheers.