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The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Resonated_ - Dec. 17, 2013 So I'm taking over a collab I did with my friend Damaged it sorta just, fell out, so now I am trying to bring it back. Chapter 1:Life after Death Spoiler (Click to View)
I stood there behind my locker speechless frozen by the beauty and elegance of the new girl, Sikura Sukai she had blond flowing hair and blue eyes so deep and beautiful you could drown in them. The bell rang and I snapped back to reality when my friend Bushima approached me "You okay man?" he asked me. ".......Yeah just fine" I whispered under my breath. My name is Uchi Vonsola im 15 my friends describe my black emover hair style and my immense height of 6 foot 3 inches to be goth, but I tell them it's a family tradition well, at least my adopted family. As soon as school was over I pulled my retractable sword out of my backpack and hopped on my bike and rode to the town beypark. When I got there I see a huge explosion of red light. As soon as it clears I see a fallen blader on one side and and on the other a kid wearing a black jacket with a sword which had a lizard hilt. I immediately recognized it from my family's sword fighting class. His name was Nuri Samituga. He noticed me and ran away I chased after him with great speed. I corner him and remove the sword hilt exposing my launcher and I take out my meteo l-drago assault version out of my back pocket accepting the challenge, he pulls out his evil lacerta and does the same. "3 2 1...... GOOOOOO SHOOT" we scream together. The 2 beys were clashing with great power I sent his bey flying, then I notice a great pain where my heart is the I look at my chest and realize it was bleeding NURI'S BEY HAD FLOWN THROUGH MY HEART! I realized I had just died and fell to the floor. I woke up in bed the next morning wondering what the hell just happened? I look at my chest to see it was fine not a scratch on it. "It was just a dream" I whispered. I was relived I got up and put on what I wear most of the time white Nike shoes, blue jeans with white paint splotches at the ankles,a white V-Neck shirt and a blue jacket with no hood and the collar up unzipped. I go to school to see Bushima waiting for me nervously. I walk up to him he turns around surprised. "I saw a big red light at the beypark yesterday what happened?!" Bushima said. "It wasn't a dream?" I thought. Chapter 2:The Dragon Awakens Spoiler (Click to View)
I decided to ask Sikura out well at least try after I walk a few steps forward I notice her talking to a girl I recognized as Illiana Slonoko,and then I remembered her freaking out and accidentally smacking me in the face when she was flailing in advanced biology class when we had to find a way to remove the exoskeleton of a tarantula. Then I focused on why the hell she was talking to Sikura when everyone says she is the shyest girl in school and never trusted anyone for ANYTHING she had pale skin short blond hair and wore a black shirt under her pale green sweater that matched her eyes almost perfectly.So instead of asking Sikura out I spent the last minutes of school figuring out the best thing to do if I ever saw Nuri again.The bell rang and I immediately sprinted to my bike and rode to the town bey park to see Illiana battling with a kid I recognized from my sword dueling class as Jake Toshiko a happy go lucky guy who uses a galaxy susanoow and often thinks he can beat me because he uses the two sword style he wore a white jacket like mine with hair to match and blue jeans and black shoes.Then out of nowhere Illiana unleashes her special move "ROCK LIBRA PROTECTIVE BLOW!" I see Libra surrounded by a white aura of energy then suddenly it all bursts out sending susanoow flying."Meh not bad" I say while brushing my emover out of my face. Illiana turns around and blushes when she sees me."Do not tell me this girl just beat you Jake" a figure said while walking out of an alleyway. "Oh hey Shira" Jake said looking disappointed "What are you saying because she's a a girl she can't beat him, Gosh Shira if you think like that I just don't think we can date anymore" a girl about Shira's age says standing next to Illiana with her hand on her hip. "And you are exactly" I say to the girl. "This is my older sister Maria" Illiana answers.Then I start to notice the simalar features in the two the blonde hair the pale skin even their eyes were shaped the same.Maria wore her hair in pigtails that went all the way down to the neck of her lime green dress decorated with violet colored music notes with two mismatched sandals one red and one a bright pink."Wait whoa whoa whoa what did you say about not dating me any more Maria" Shira says nervously. Then I hear a strange noise I turn around to see Nuri dragging his sword on the rough concrete "Well well well if it isn't the boy who lived......long time no see Uchi" Nuri said. I respond by turning around and drawing my sword.Then I see and image a dragon effortlessly soaring through the stars.The image fades and I see Nuri charging at me like a bull. Chapter 3:Moving Spoiler (Click to View)
"I have no time to waste on you today Nuri" I say while I administer a quick slice to his chest and walk away."Oh yeah I forgot to tell you guys I'm moving back to L.A to try out for the U.S world beyblade tournament team and wanted to know if any of you wanted to come". "You can count me in!" Jake screams exitedly. "I've always wanted to see Hollywood" Illiana said. "Got nothin' better to do" Maria said arms folded. "Someone's gotta look after Jake's bey the way he battles" Shira adds. "Well I guess it's all set here are your tickets" I said as I hand Jake an envelope. "HEY WHAT GIVES IT SAYS WE LEAVE IN A HALF HOUR!!" Jake yells. "Well I suggest you get packing" I say with a wide grin as everyone rushes home. As I am waiting at the flight gate I turn around and see the others panting with their hands on their knees when I hear our flight called and I start to walk onto the plane the others not far behind when Jake asked "Uchi wheres your sword?" "They don't let weapons on the plane so I had it shipped along with your's to the house we are staying in" I replied. We were soon seated and then we took off Illiana fell asleep on my shoulder and eventually I joined her I woke up as soon as I heard the captain announce our landing and I looked out the window, it felt good to be home. As we exit the plane I see a man holding up a sign that says Vonsola and turn around and tell the others to follow close behind the man escorts us to his taxi and we drive away.We arrive at the house and I pay the driver as every one gets their luggage.I walk to the door and pull the key out my pocket and unlock the door."Sorry it's only three bedrooms guys but it's all I could afford" I said while rubbing my head. "How are you paying for all this anyway" Maria asked. I turned on the tv for it to show me in a target commercial with two people who are supposed to be my mother and younger brother then I changed the channel and it showed me playing baseball in a Nike commercial I changed it again and it showed me at dinner in the background in some movie. I turned the the tv off. "So what are the sleeping arrangements there are only three beds" Jake asked.Every one turned to me. "It's not my fault I just rented the house that came with furniture we are living on a smaller budget with us having five people and all." "Well I guess Me and Maria could share" Shira replies. "Well I could share with Uchi if it's okay with you Uchi" Illiana says. I reply with a shrug. "Wait but wouldn't it be..." Jake starts "Don't ruin this for me!" I hear Illiana silently grunt at Jake. I look at my watch "Well better get some rest were goin' sight seeing tomorrow and I walk up to my room. Chapter 4: (told in third person) Spoiler (Click to View)
Illiana wakes up to find her head resting on Uchi's chest. She quickly moves away hoping he wasn't awake. She got dressed and went through the hall when she stopped when she she talking coming from Shira and Maria's room she then continued downstairs to the kitchen to eat breakfast and finds Maria there waiting. "Maria what are you doing down here!" Illiana said shocked. "What do you mean I'm just getting breakfast" Maria replies. "I mean you were just up stairs talking to Shira" Illiana protests. "No you saw Shira being his stupid self" she said. "Whatever" Illiana mumbles as she walked to the cabinet to get cereal. "So anyways, you like this Uchi guy right" Maria said. "What!, no... mabey a little, well.. yeah" she admits. "Then tell him" Maria insists. "Yeah well I wish I could he barely even knows I exist" Illiana said slumped in her chair. "So what are you two talking about" Jake says coming down the steps. "Oh nothing" Illiana said as Jake got a glass of water. "Illiana likes Uchi" Maria quickly said Jake took a spit-take directed at the sink. "Maria!" Illiana snapped. "Sorry you know I'm horrible with secrets" Maria sarcastically apologized. "You're kidding me, right?" Jake asked with a disgusted look on his face. "Yeah we were just kidding, so any idea where Uchi is taking us today?" Illiana said trying to change the topic. "No we were not kidding Illiana likes Uchi, and he's taking us to Hollywood and Highland whatever that is" Maria answers. "How do you know?" Illiana asked "He texted me" Maria replied. "How do you even have his number!" Illiana yelled. "Quiet down you're gonna wake him up, we exchanged on the plane after you fell asleep" Maria whispered as Shira and Uchi stuck their head over the railing. "Could you keep it down I'm trying to sleep!" they said simultaneously. After half an hour they decide to wake up and walked straight to the door."don't you want breakfast before you leave?" Illiana asked. "A little too late for that" Shira said pointing to the clock, it was 12:30 then Uchi walked out the door with Shira close behind. Chapter 5: Accepting change Spoiler (Click to View)
I quickly went into the garage and got out my in-line skates which had Cerberus designs on each wheel. I then swiftly strapped them on and rolled over to where my sword should have been I noticed something, my sword had been replaced with 3 almost identical long swords with cerberus heads on each of the hilts each with different colored jewels for the eyes: orange, blue, and purple I then frantically reached into my pocket and pulled out my L-Drago except.. it wasn't a L-Drago anymore it became a Sphax Cerberus 120SD "JAAAAAAAAAAKE GET THE HELL DOWN HERE!!!" I screamed. "Whaaaaaaaat" he whined. "What'd you do with L-drago!?" I demanded while throwing one of the three swords at him. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Jake replied scared out of his mind. "SHIRA! GET THE HELL DOWN HERE" I screamed again. "Watcha want" Shira said calmly. "What did you do with my L-Drago" I said mimicking his serenity "Nothing" he replied. "Hey how come your so calm with.." Jake started I threw another sword at him before he could finish. "COULD YOU STOP THROWING DANGEROUS WEAPONS AT ME!" Jake screamed "Shira aren't you concerned that I am throwing objects at your brother that could possibly kill him?" I asked. "Not at all" Shira replied with a grin. I turned to look at Cerberus I then saw a faint silhouette of a dragon flying around it. I heard a shriek upstairs "WHERES LIBRA!" I heard Illiana yell. I ran upstairs to find Illiana and Maria tearing up the house "you probably just put it some where upstairs, go and check" Maria said somewhat calmly. Illiana ran upstairs "Found it" Jake said as he was going back out to the garage to get his bike. "Give it here!" Illiana commanded Jake as she snatched Libra away. "Okay lets go chop chop" I said getting annoyed with the situation while I walked out the door and everyone followed behind. Chapter:6 Lies Spoiler (Click to View)
I rolled through and around the crowds as the others struggled to keep up finally I stopped. "Where are we?" Jake asked. "My old school" I replied going inside. As we walked down the hall everyone wondered where we were going until I stopped in front of the gym. I opened both doors to find two kids my age boxing they both looked at me once I stepped through the door. "Uchi you crazy carp!" the first said. "Where have you been?!" the second said. "Guys" I said turning to the people I lead here. "This is Harry Lewis" I said pointing to the taller one, he wore navy-blue pants and a a plain white long sleeve shirt and had sort of a brown mini-mullet. "And this is Brayden Lander but we just call him Knob" I said pointing to the one with buzz-cut hair he wore a dark green T-shirt and caky shorts and a military dog tag hung around his neck that read "Knob". "So, Paloma around?" I asked. "Yeah in the auditorium, are those your old A-T's" he asked answering my question with another. "So thats why your back" said Harry stepping out of the ring. "Wait I thought we were here for the tournament?" Illiana questioned "I lied" I admitted "I needed all of you here because you showed the most promise" "So these are the new members of Broken Echo" Knob said while leaning on the ropes. "Wait what's Broken Echo?" Jake asked "I didn't think you'd be done until summer break" Harry admitted. "Alright that isn't the point here right now you guys need to go home and get your A-T's I'm gonna go get Paloma and see if Kayden's got any cans on him, meet me here in 10 minutes" I explained. "WAIT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Jake screamed. "I'll explain on the way" I responded as I swiftly walked through the door. "Broken Echo is an A-T team me and my friends started awhile back, we had our graffiti all over town but now we are being overrun by several different teams, so I have recruited you guys to help keep it under control, when we are in A-T battles you are to go by your code name if rival team's learn your name they will try to use it against you, territory is claimed by spraying certain graffiti on landmarks, A-T battles are held when a team covers your graffiti with their own, today you will go out and get yourselves a pair of A-T's we will begin practice tomorrow morning do you understand" I said as I ended the short brief. "Sir yes Sir!" everyone replied bound to the military atmosphere I created. "A-T's give you wings to soar to the heavens" I thought aloud, allowing the rare event of a smile to come to my face. "UCHI!" I heard Harry scream down the hall. "What is it?" I asked. "It's Stone Purpose.. they're-they're here I-I don't have my A-T's none of us do but I got some cans off of Kayden" he panted handing my some spray cans. "Don't worry I have it under control" I said under my breath as I flew out the window. Chapter 7: Sticks and Stones Spoiler (Click to View)
Soaring through the sky I was searching for my opponent I looked down and saw her covering the graffiti I had preserved for 5 years with her own personal logo. She was almost finished when I threw one of my 3 swords at her. "Hey what the hell!" she angrily exclaimed but her expression vanished as soon as she realized exactly who she was messing with. "What the hell are you doing on my turf!" I exclaimed pulling my sword from the crack in the concrete. "Oh uh nothing I was just.." she started acting scared "Kicking your arse!" she finished in her Irish accent drop kicking me with her tattoo covered leg. "Well that wasn't nice at all" I said calmly rubbing my forehead. She powered up her A-T's and took of but I kept on her tail she used a near-by building to launch herself downward and stomped the ground with such force she literally split it in half, causing giant rocks to fly everywhere. "I've literally been to hell and back you think a couple of rocks are gonna scare me!" I laughed drawing my swords 'wait how the hell am I supposed to attack with three swords!' I thought I suddenly lost focus and fell to the ground sliding on my face towards my opponent as I got to get a better look at her, she had tattoos all over her slightly pale skin, she wore a red tank-top, a black mini-skirt, and her A-T's were black with several red markings, 'oh wait thats just my blood' I thought, she had short purple hair that came down just past her ears. "I'm not done yet" I said struggling to get up pain coming from my left arm 'it's probably broken' I thought. Adrenaline suddenly pulsed through my body allowing me to soar once more, realizing what was happening the girl rushed out of the way as I nearly stomped on her. "You like drawing on yourself right?, well this tramp stamp's gonna look great on you!" I screamed as I sprayed her with graffiti to make a small Cerberus image on her back. "You'll pay for this!" she screamed turning around then she took off. Chapter 8: Dogs and Poetry Spoiler (Click to View)
The adrenaline started to ware off as pain coursed through my body forcing me to my knees. My friends rushed to my side, "are you okay" everyone constantly asked me when I was young, my life really hasn't changed much, But I always answered the same "I'm fine just, back off" this wasn't the nicest answer but it works, or at least it used to. Once we were inside it was my turn to drown everyone with questions, "who was she?" "who are her teammates" "is she really Irish?", Knob answered all of my questions "She goes by "Cube" her teammates are "Garam", "Sucker Punch", and "Tank".. and yes she's Scotch/Irish all the way back" he finished closing his laptop. "Okay, I'm going home I said holding my arm as I stood. While I was rolling down the street passing several bars and underage drunken teenagers as I noticed a moving box I bent over to see what was inside as a small paw swiped at the box, "what the..." I whispered I took out my sword and cut off the top of the box to find 3 small siberian husky pups sleeping soundly, out of sympathy I decide to take them home. "Hey Uchi" everyone said as they walked in carrying big boxes that covered their faces, I automatically recognized Jake because of the spiked white hair came just over the top of the box "what's with all the boxes A-T's are only this big?" I asked putting my hands up about 13 inches apart, my shoe size. "Well, Harry showed us to an A-T shop and we all picked out a pair we liked, but then Harry started on about we can't trust regular parts that just come with A-T's in stores and how you need to build up your A-T's with a variety of different parts and he just stockpiled us with tons of parts and then, this" Jake finished shrugging his shoulders. "So what's in your box" Maria said surprisingly not carrying any boxes then I saw Shira come through the door struggling to stand. I quietly whistled as 3 small Siberian Husky pups came down the stairs tails wagging. "Aww how cute" Illiana said. "They aren't cute they're cold-blooded killers" I grunted "Atlas smile!" I commanded The tallest one immediately showed his teeth, stained with blood, "A cat scratched him five minutes before you got home." "So he killed it!?" Illiana screamed shocked. "No his teeth aren't sharp enough yet" I responded petting Atlas. "So what are the names of the other two?" Jake asked. "I don't know yet I was thinking about Banshee for the smallest one but I dunno" I answered shrugging my shoulders. I checked my phone "one new voice mail" it said as turned it on, I tapped the screen to listen to it "Hey this is Paloma there's a poetry slam goin' on at The Java Patch you should check it out",I always regretted playing that message out loud.. ********************************************************************************​************* Third person from now on.. "Umm I gotta go" Uchi uttered under his breath as he ran upstairs to get his notebook and then sprinted out the back door. "We should follow him" Illiana murmured concern coating every word. Everyone tip-toed out the door and swiftly rounded the corner searching for signs of Uchi. As they saw him across the street, they followed him from a distance. By the time they got to the shop Uchi had already realized someone was tailing him so he decided to read his most depressing poem to scare them off. Seven people had gone up to read their poems when it was finnaly Uchi's turn on stage "no where to turn, no where to run trapped behind the bars of another's image, they say you're free but.. you really aren't, you're a bird with clipped wings and every time you try to sing.. they muzzle you. 'who do you think you are' they ask every time you step out side of their oh-so perfect plan. 'who do you think you are' they say with the audacity to ask again, well this time I'm glad you asked because I am a human being, but really I'm just supposedly another one of your chained up birds but now I'm finally leaving the nest" He exited out the back leaving his friends dumbstruck. As they realized they had to get home before Uchi did so they sprinted to get home jake leading the rush as they realized Jake was wearing his A-T's. Uchi was sitting on a roof top watching Jake soar "Kid's a natural, like an angel soaring through the heavens." He mumbled as he left the rooftop to go home, he walked through the door to see everyone looking traumatized except for Jake, he seemed somewhat joyful, "I remember my first flight" Uchi thought as he left to go to bed. Chapter 9:Loving Death Spoiler (Click to View)
"Hey.. Uchi" a voice said, I heard someone snapping their fingers "Yo Uchi get up!" I sat up, my eyes still closed and held my head like that was supposed to cure the gigantic headache I had. "Oh it's just you" I mumbled. "Hey what do you mean 'it's just you' I'm Death you can't just talk to me like that!" the voice said I opened my eyes to see a girl with her hands on her hips she wore a black skirt, black vans shoes, and a black tank-top with a magenta skull on it. "Your not Death yet so don't get ahead of your self" I murmured reminding her that her dad was still alive. "Well I'm also your girlfriend Uchi you cant just treat me like this!, hey are you even listening to me!", for those of you who haven't figured this out yet, Death is my crazy girlfriend.. and yes she is actually Death like the one who can kill you. "Have you even used the bey I gave you yet?" she asked calming down. "I haven't gotten around to it" I replied still rubbing my head. "Can you at least promise you'll try to use it today?" she implied. It had just occurred to me that she wasn't talking about L-drago. "You're the one who stole L-drago!" I screamed ignorant to my throbbing headache. "Relax I didn't steal it, I simply changed all the parts, but I did steal your sword" she admitted pointing to the marble fire place where it sat, one of the only things that wasn't black in the room. "Whatever" I moaned headache coming back, "I'm going home" I mumbled walking through the back door. I woke up rain drenching my hair,I left the window open, I sat up, wiped my face went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. I put on my clothes and decided to wear my only beanie, it was white with two vertical blue lines an the very edge. "Hey guys change of plans" I started "We're going to the bey park to battle." "But it's raining" Jake said. "It's raining over here, not over there" I pointed out "L.A's rain is really blotchy" I explained. "So let's go!" Shira exclaimed exited to finally show off his bey. "And you should probably bring you A-T's" before I even finished Jake ran up stairs to get his A-T's as I got to actually look at then instead of a big blur, they were white with two blue stripes. Everyone else went up stairs as Jake put on his A-T's and retrieved his sword. Everyone else came down stairs A-T's already on. they all had the same design as Jake's but with different colors Shira's A-T's were black with grey stripes, Illiana's were green with yellow stripes, but Maria's were different her A-T's were orange with pink music notes. "Hey I thought we all decided that we would match?" Shira asked confused but she didn't hear because of her huge headphones. "I think she did the right thing, graffiti is art you need to have a sense of creativity" I admitted "so lets go" I said rolling out the door. After about 3 blocks we got to an area with no clouds, and soon after we got to the beypark "What the hell is this?" Jake asked turning to me. "I have no idea" I answered. ********************************************************************************​************** 30 minutes later: "Hey" I uttered to who appeared to be no one, as Death smokily materialized next to me. "Hey" she replied. "I have something to ask you" I admitted. "What is it?" she asked. "Out of all the people in the world why do you like me?" I answered with another question. There was a pause. "Your the only person in the world I can't effect, that can drive a girl crazy, and I'm not the most normal person in the world" she answered blushing, brushing her long black hair out of her face. "You're supposed to be my crazy girlfriend you aren't supposed to be normal, but you shouldn't be out in the rain let's go inside" I implied. Chapter 10 Flashback (warning short) Spoiler (Click to View)
“Keep working!†a tall man shouted as several children coughed and vomited. “I swear one of these days I’m gonna’ rip out that guy’s stupid gin-pickled tongue and shove it down his throat†a young Uchi murmured to his friend keeping his philosopher mentality at this young age. “well you better do it quick I heard that the warden gonna try and sell us to some prick in Russia†Uchi’s friend coughed. “I’m gonna try to perform the spell tonight.†Uchi stated turning to look at his friends, “Harry.. Braden I’m gonna need your help to do it†Uchi finished getting up. Hours later: Uchi waited in the field at 12:00, the time they decided to meet. As he turned to see his friends quickly tip-toeing through the cotton plots “where were you guys it’s twelve fifteen!†Uchi silently snapped. “We were..†they started “No time for that now help me dig,†Uchi whispered handing his friends shovels. They all dug for about a minute then they found what they were looking for, Uchi pulled a large book out of the hole “Study of the Dark Arts†it read in large letters across the cover. Harry stood lookout while Uchi flipped through pages. “Found it†Uchi whispered excitedly “the Demonic transformation†Braden stated pulling out a piece of paper to decipher the ancient writing once he was done he handed the paper to Uchi as he read it aloud. A strange fog rolled in as Uchi kept reading. Chapter 11 Death of a Soldier Spoiler (Click to View)
As I walked in I turned around and saw that Death was no longer there. I decided to ignore it and went upstairs to go to bed... I woke up at about 5:30 and grabbed a pre-packed bag out from under my bed, got dressed and jumped out the window. Braden and Harry waiting for me "Let's go" I said while opening my bag to give my friends the contents, Harry grabbed A large knife, some cherry bombs and a lighter. Braden grabbed a baseball bat with the words "Boston Basher" Painted in large blue print. We then put on our AT's and walked towards the oncoming fog. We stopped in front of a gate separating us and the private property we wished to invade. We climbed over the gate and dropped to the ground making almost no sound what-so-ever. I ran swiftly towards a large stately home. I gave Braden and Harry the signal to go loud as I kicked down the door alerting the guards who were inside. I drew my sword and shoved it through the torso of one of the men and ran upstairs Braden staying behind to keep the rest of the guards busy I opened another door to find only more guards, we made quick work of them but kept one alive for questioning. "Harry get the tape recorder" I ordered as he pulled a tape recorder out his back pocket. I cut to the chase "WHERE'S THE WARDEN" I screamed at the man. "I'll never tell" he replied "I respect your loyalty" I started "But I'm also annoyed by it" I finished as I stabbed the man in the throat as he let out a blood curdling wail. "Do you hear that warden.. that's the sound of the death of a soldier something you've never heard! I'm coming for you warden and when I'm done with you there gonna hafta' put you back together... IN HELL!" i tuned off the tape recorder and placed it in a dead man's hand. I walked down the stairs to find ten dead men and Braden holding a bloody bat. I simply shook my head and walked out the door leaving bloody footprints behind. Chapter 12 The end (Extremely short, literally one paragraph) Spoiler (Click to View)
Chapter 12 I climbed back over the gate and rolled back home with Braden and Harry. We quietly walked in to find Shira, Illiana, Maria, and Jake waiting for us. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN YOU HAD ME WORRIED SICK!" Illiana said, surprising me and everyone else in the room. As everyone stared at her she suddenly looked down and strted twideling her thumbs. "Yeah and what is that all over your hands, and face, and.. everyhere" Jake pointed out. "Sssssssss oh yeah.. that" I said nervously "There is a perfectly good explanation for that" Braden said "One we will tell ou after we go wash up" he finished going upstairs Harry and I following him. "How are we supposed to explain this we're covered in blood!" Harry whispered "Lets go see Paloma he'll know what to do" I said. We arived at the school where Paloma and Kayden were waiting out side with grim looks on their faces. We quickly ran inside where Kayden pulled up to a desktop where a picture of a barber shop was on the screen, Kayden zoomed in to show a rock that covered what once was the Brocken echo logo. "It's Stone Puropose, their everywhere!" Kayden yelled as he pulled up more images. "The're challenging us" I said. "Thanks capatin obvious I didn't notice that!" Harry snapped sarcastically. "This is bad" I said. "Why didn't you like, kick one their butts a few days ago?" Maria questioned "Yeah but that was a one on one match, there are four of them and three of us, American rules states that both sides must have an equal number of team mates. "That means.." I started. "We forfit" Harry finished. Then suddenly an idea poped into my head, I turned to Jake. "It looks like your up Jake" I said 12 minutes later Crack! SuckerPunch's ribcage screamed as Jake roundhouse kicked him. Bang! a gun was fired I fell to the floor dead, again. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Third person from now on. "Well look at the time you two should get to bed, Ryu take your sister upstairs" an older Uchi said. "Please tell us how it ends daddy!" the children complained. "Perhaps another time" Uchi said. The end. How you should make a character request Name: Age: Bio: Appearance: Personality: Alignment: (Chaotic, Lawful) (Good, Evil, Neutral) Bey: (Can be real or made up must be Zero-G/MFB) Bey description: Face bolt: Energy ring: (Or crystal ring) Fusion wheelOr chrome wheel) Spin track: Performance tip: Special MovesWith description) RE: The Lifeless Bladder (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - The Supreme One - Dec. 17, 2013 I haven't read the story yet, but what I have to say right off the bat is: blader* ...unless you're literally referring to a lifeless bladder, but I sort of doubt that. RE: The Lifeless Bladder (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Resonated_ - Dec. 17, 2013 *Facepalm* sorry about that, had midterms today and I'm pretty tired. RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - DefStamina88 - Dec. 18, 2013 Well... The content is kinda clumped together, try to space out the stuff some more. It makes it easier to read, cause with the way it is, I got caught in a few run-ons... Also, a few of the chapters seem to be mainly dialogue. I would actually like to see a bit of eventfulness that isn't being said or described by the people in the story. Lastly, the last few chapters are pretty short. This goes back to the spacing thing. If you space out the stuff more, it seems a bit longer... RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Resonated_ - Dec. 18, 2013 Finale in the OP. RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Themeeny7 - Dec. 18, 2013 This seems really interesting so far! Haven't finished reading it yet, but after a couple grilled cheese sandwiches I'll be up and ready to review! So far on the first chapter; seems like you need to put the words in the right order and add some more punctuation. Its good words, but if you don't punctuate it right with the right word placement it eventually wont matter how good the sentences are!! I'll fix up the first chapter so you know what I mean. You don't have to do it this way it is just an example of doing it better. Spoiler (Click to View) Speechlessly I stood behind my locker- the beauty and elegance of the new girl Sikura Sukai simply freezes me in place. Her blonde flowing hair and blue eyes looked so deep and beautiful I bet you could drown an elephant in them. The school bells deafening ring snapped me back to reality; it was then that my friend Bushima approached me. RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Resonated_ - Dec. 18, 2013 Yeah I've been getting a lot of comments but my winter break stats tomorrow. So I'm probably goona turn on some sea shanties and Celtic music and do some editing. RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - AWS0ME S0CKS - Dec. 20, 2013 Love this story! when do you think you can make the sequal RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Resonated_ - Dec. 20, 2013 Thanks, I am not entirely sure when I'll start working on the sequel, because I'm sorta working on a collab with Dragon king right now RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - AWS0ME S0CKS - Dec. 20, 2013 Are you taking character requests? RE: The Lifeless Blader (Reboot) [Accepting character requests] - Resonated_ - Dec. 20, 2013 Always, what do you have in mind |