World Beyblade Organization by Fighting Spirits Inc.
Total control (now accepting character requests!) [OMG over 1,000 views!] - Printable Version

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Total control (now accepting character requests!) [OMG over 1,000 views!] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

So yeah, my second bey story.
Part 1

Chapter 1
I am accepting character requests!


Chapter 2


Chapter 3



Chapter 4


Chapter 5


Chapter 6



Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9


Chapter 10

PART 2

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Chapter 4
Drpepsidew=doc wilks
Ryukiba=Ryu
Galaxy Blade=da-king-man
XKai_DranzerX=ace
Tsaigi=brandin (I think he might mean Brandon though)
Madness=omega
Crax686=jake
Infinity lazer=infinity
MineCraftAddict=tyoka
aSadisticPirate=Onyx
Oddity=hunter


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DrPepsidew - Dec. 01, 2013

Doc Wilks
Bey: Genbull^2 E230 (Upper) MB
You can make whatever personality you want hah


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Cool, I needed a character like I'm gonna make him Smile


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Ryukiba - Dec. 01, 2013

Name: Ryu
Bey: Dragooon Dragooon 90GF
Personality: quiet, shy, happy


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Ok, cool. Remember to vote on the poll also!


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Dual - Dec. 01, 2013

You shouldn't ever use text talk in a story (though I personally oppose to using it at all Tongue_out). There were also grammar mistakes that you may want to fix. The overall realistic approach seems interesting, the grammar just needs work.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Oh man!! I didn't notice text talk, sorry Unhappy. Is it better than my first though?


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Kaneki - Dec. 01, 2013

Umm............ I see a lot of: Spelling and grammar mistakes. Spelling example: "Them" should be "Then".

Overall: Bad grammar and a little spelling. If you need help............ I'll help.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Ok I fixed some spelling and text talk, can u point out where the typos are?

EDIT: Chapter 2 will be posted later tonight


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Kaneki - Dec. 01, 2013

I wish I could, but........ There's a lot I'd have too correct.

While I'm at it;

Bey: Hell Kerbecs F230CF
Name: Da-King-Man.

Hyper, Happy, Skill and Dark.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

I'm waiting to introduce f230 at the end, can u choose a different track?


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Kaneki - Dec. 01, 2013

Awww, I liked F230.
OK, E230?


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Yeah that's fine Smile, the OP is updated with chapter 2.

I'll introduce your characters as I go, keep the requests coming! Smile


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Dual - Dec. 01, 2013

*Background, not backaround.
You seem to be forgetting periods, especially during dialogue changes, so just fix that, and the occasional "u" as oppose to "you"'s I saw floating around. Much better though!


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Bularieleone - Dec. 01, 2013

You have a good plot going, just fix some spelling and grammar and extend your chapters and it's awesome!!!


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Kaneki - Dec. 01, 2013

Ahh, you might want too space it out a little by hitting the Enter Key.

Yeah, still a lot of errors, but really good story.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

(Dec. 01, 2013  5:12 AM)Bularieleone Wrote: You have a good plot going, just fix some spelling and grammar and extend your chapters and it's awesome!!!

Yeah I'm trying to slowly make them longer, thanks Smile.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - ★WindStarElite★ - Dec. 01, 2013

Ace
age;13
bey;Girago Pheonix Sa165MF


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

OP updated with chapter 3!!!

@xkai_dranzerx can u do a bio?


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - ★WindStarElite★ - Dec. 01, 2013

Nature;Friendly,zones out in nature,aggressive battling
Bio;Ace is an only child. He's alone with his bey he travels to find new experiences.He loves nature and the wind.He has an different side though at night He will rage out into battle to protect those weaker and teach them bladders who mess with weaker beys an lesson.His bey Is his life he never goes anywhere without it since its the last family he has.
Description: Misty gray hair (masamune style),Black combat fingerless gloves,black pants Sivler pilot jacket,White shirt.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Ok, the OP is updated with possibly the best chapter yet, chapter 4


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - Sakyo321 - Dec. 01, 2013

Name brandin
Beyblade ifraid dragooon gb145r2f and what every story line you want.


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - DRAGON KING - Dec. 01, 2013

Ok I added you to the OP, ill probaly have chapter 5 up sometime today Smile


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - ★WindStarElite★ - Dec. 01, 2013

And Btw Ace Is 5'4 I forgot to add the height abut Amazing


RE: Total control (now accepting character requests!) [beyblade story] - 6 God - Dec. 01, 2013

Lol when I saw 9,000, I washoping You'd say it was over 9,000!!