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+--- Thread: (Story) The Knights of Rome [Chapter 2 is on] (/Thread-Story-The-Knights-of-Rome-Chapter-2-is-on)
(Story) The Knights of Rome [Chapter 2 is on] - Dip - Jan. 05, 2013
The Knights of Rome - by Dip
Summary
Spoiler (Click to View)
Spoiler (Click to View)
RE: (Story) The Knights of Rome - Chapter 1 - Ken Rao - Jan. 05, 2013
Good so far some errors like this one "Did he survived" it's survive and there should be a question mark since it's a question it's also preety short for the first chapter other then that but you did well.
RE: (Story) The Knights of Rome - Chapter 1 - Dual - Jan. 05, 2013
Not much description, and a few spelling mistakes. When I first saw this, I thought chinablade had changed her username and was writing her next story XD
RE: (Story) The Knights of Rome - Chapter 1 - Septentrione - Jan. 05, 2013
The spacing and its overall look is good but the grammar is messed up. For some reason, I don't see what tense this story is written in, is it present tense or past tense? Because if its the present tense then most parts there should have an "s" and if it is in the past tense, then at least ONE THING SHOULD HAVE A PAST TENSE WORD (i.e. found, won, etc.)
Also, this part is very ugly (no offense): "But Julian get a crossbow and falling to the sea."
It's ugly why? Because the two clauses describe two COMPLETELY UNRELATED THINGS! Something like, "But Julian got a crossbow, but he shot badly and fell to the sea." could be better, but its not great because they're two different things. You have to separate them or better yet, remove the crossbow part because that details is not needed in a summary.
Now I'm going to help you but I can't sum it all up in one go so I'll give you two links. I want you to read them.
They are the The Writer's Handbook and Stairs On Becoming A Better Writer. You better read this, alright? Anyway, improve and I wish you luck in this.
RE: (Story) The Knights of Rome - Chapter 1 - Dip - Jan. 06, 2013
(Jan. 05, 2013 6:07 PM)Septentrione Wrote: The spacing and its overall look is good but the grammar is messed up. For some reason, I don't see what tense this story is written in, is it present tense or past tense? Because if its the present tense then most parts there should have an "s" and if it is in the past tense, then at least ONE THING SHOULD HAVE A PAST TENSE WORD (i.e. found, won, etc.)Thanks for the help. I will read that post you link me. I gonna write that crossbow part in next chapter. I think I need erase it from the summary. There can be some or many mistakes, because this is my first story. And I'm bad at English.
Also, this part is very ugly (no offense): "But Julian get a crossbow and falling to the sea."
It's ugly why? Because the two clauses describe two COMPLETELY UNRELATED THINGS! Something like, "But Julian got a crossbow, but he shot badly and fell to the sea." could be better, but its not great because they're two different things. You have to separate them or better yet, remove the crossbow part because that details is not needed in a summary.
Now I'm going to help you but I can't sum it all up in one go so I'll give you two links. I want you to read them.
They are the The Writer's Handbook and Stairs On Becoming A Better Writer. You better read this, alright? Anyway, improve and I wish you luck in this.
RE: (Story) The Knights of Rome [Chapter 2 is on] - Dip - Jan. 14, 2013
HERE IS CHAPTER 2
Chapter 2 : Find Julian
Spoiler (Click to View)